Have you ever looked in the mirror, and not liked what you saw? And no matter how hard you tried, your outfit, makeup, hair, etc. just didn’t look ‘good’?
I’m the girl who everyone thinks is confident, carefree, and knows that God loves me, mainly because I’m the pastor’s daughter. I’m sure that every girl has had this struggle, it’s probably the most popular of all the teenage-girl problems.
My hair is plain brown, no volume. My eyes are dull blue-ish grey. I’m short, with absolutely NO curves whatsoever. For the past four years or so, I’ve struggled with the fact that I’m not beautiful. That no guy will ever want me.
To top it off, the girls at school with perfect hair, nails, facial features, and outfits made me hit an all time low. I was stuck. I did know that God loved me, sort of, and I knew about all that ‘inner beauty’ stuff, though it was getting kind of old. And then I went to summer camp. A summer camp called Miracle Camp.
Miracle Camp located in southern Michigan. It’s a Christian camp that I had gone to for years. I liked it enough, it had fun games and a good mix of fun and church time. But one of the nights, the guys went into the woods, and us girls had a girls night in the chapel. I had done a similar thing last year, but this year our theme was brokenness.
We took a piece of a broken mug and wrote what we were broken about on it.
Now you might be thinking what I was at the time. “What?” Let me explain. Some people wrote “selfishness” others wrote “self-harm.” Basically, you wrote the thing, or things, that were holding your life, consuming you, things that when you thought of them, made you break, or feel broken.
My friend told a story of how after 20+ years of a happy and faithful marriage between her parents, her dad cheated on her mom. She said that she just couldn’t fathom her father doing anything like that for a long time, and when it finally hit her, she broke.
That night at camp, many tears were shed. What did you write on your’s you may ask? I wrote ‘self-hate’, because no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t FEEL God’s love. You might know what I mean. I knew it in my head, but not in my heart. And it was my broken piece of ceramic that wouldn’t go away.
That night, I cried for a long time.
I’m not sure for how long, but at one point my counselor took my hand and lead me to the back of the chapel. She asked me what was wrong. I said “I don’t feel loved. I know I am, I just can’t feel it.” She hugged me and prayed over me, and over the next few days it got better.
It wasn’t some kind of overnight miracle, or a huge incredible sign from God. It just slowly occurred to me that my beauty doesn’t come from outward appearances. I realized that it came from knowing that I was made a specific way.
I could be covered in warts, but my heavenly father didn’t even look at that. He loved me because I was HIS. I was loved. So very much.
And now, a year later, I still struggle with it, I still have bad days, we all do. But I have a silver lining. A secret that I want to share.
We are loved.
We see it every day! God didn’t put the trees, birds, flowers, or any of creation simply so it could be there! Every leaf, every petal, every single hair on a creature’s head was put there so we, His beloved children, could enjoy it! If God wanted it for Him to enjoy, He would have just put everything in heaven! But no, His oh-so-loved daughters and sons were down here on earth, and He wanted to show them how much they meant to Him.
I hope you understand God’s love. because I understand how empty life is without it.
Can you relate to me on this topic? What are you beauty struggles? I’d love to exchange stories. Leave your comments in section below.
Thank you Keyndal Hudson for writing this post! If you are interested in guest posting for Girl Defined, contact us at [email protected]
Photo Credit: www.flickr.com | Delwin Steven Campbell