I knew exactly where he was in the room at every moment. I was desperate to know more about this tall good looking guy.
As a single girl in high school at the time, I was highly intrigued by this handsome face.
As my head hit my pillow that night, my thoughts were flooded with dreams of “this guy.” I woke up the next morning anxious to see him again. Even though I barely knew his name, I did whatever I could to be near him. Whether purposely walking past him, staring at him from across the room, or simply making myself available, I was consumed with this guy.
As the days and weeks stretched on, I found myself happiest when I was near him, and completely dissatisfied when I wasn’t. The more we chatted, the happier I felt. But if several weeks went by and I heard nothing from him, I would cry on my pillow at night and wonder what was going on.
Slowly but surely, this guy, without even knowing it, had become the source of my satisfaction as a girl.
I was no longer satisfied in my relationship with Christ, but was searching for satisfaction through a relationship with this guy.
Have you ever experienced something similar?
Looking to a guy for our satisfaction is something most of us, as Christian girls, struggle with. Whether you’ve struggled with this in the past or are struggling with it right now, looking to guys for security is a common pitfall.
However, the hardest part for us as Christian girls isn’t the fact that we struggle, but seeing clearly enough to recognize when we’re struggling.
During my short-lived obsession with that cute guy, I was blind to my own struggles.
I couldn’t see clearly and didn’t even realize that I had shifted my satisfaction off of Christ and totally onto this guy.
Even though the signs were clear to my parents and others, it wasn’t clear to me until I was totally out of it. I’m guessing you’re the same way.
To help you evaluate the current condition of your own heart, I’ve come up with 3 clear signs to help you determine whether or not you’re placing your satisfaction in a guy(s), instead of in God.
See if any of these signs match your current (or past) actions.
3 Signs You’re Looking to Guys for Your Satusfaction Instead of to God:
1. You Desperately Want Guys to Notice You
You don’t really care which guy it is…you just want to be noticed. You desperately want some guy – any guy – to look at you and think you’re gorgeous. You want some guy to single you out and give you special attention. Thoughts like these consume your mind and you regularly wonder why more guys aren’t noticing you.
At times, you might even feel tempted to post some highly filtered, semi-sexy pictures of yourself on your social media accounts to get guys to notice you. You’re just desperate to be noticed, and you’re beginning to feel like you’d do anything to get some male attention.
2. You Manipulate the Circumstances to be Near that One Guy
Just like my story from above, you always know exactly where HE is. If you’re in the same room with him, your eyes are constantly scanning the crowd to make sure you’ve got tabs on his whereabouts. You purposely place yourself in strategic positions to make sure he bumps into you.
If he’s on a certain sports team, you’re always at the game. If he’s on social media, you’re constantly liking and commenting on his images and videos. You’ve even attended certain parties and events just to be in the same room as him. You’ve become a pro at manipulating the circumstances to make sure you’re around him as much as possible.
3. You Think About “Him” Every Waking Moment
You can’t seem to get him off your mind! You think about him and dream about him almost every moment of the day. You regularly check his social media profile to see if he’s posted anything new. You constantly search his old posts and browse his photos all the time.
Your thoughts about this guy fill the pages of your journal and you fall asleep at night dreaming of life together someday. Whether you’re cleaning your room, doing school, working out, sitting in church, or watching a movie…this guy is on your mind.
Could you resonate with any of these 3 signs?
Could you see your actions and motives in any part of those 3 descriptions? If so, you’re struggling with exactly what I used to struggle with – placing your security in guys, instead of in God.
When we place our security in guys, our actions and motivations instantly change and we become desperate and consumed, as shown in those three examples. We become frantic and dissatisfied with life, turning our emotions into a crazy roller coaster ride.
We’re impatient in our singleness and are always “on the hunt” for attention and affirmation.
However, when we’re secure and satisfied in our relationship with Christ, we don’t need the attention and affirmation from guys to be fulfilled. We’re content and peaceful in our walk with God and that shows in our attitude, actions, and emotions.
Our lives are marked by peace and our emotions are marked by stability. We care more about serving others than manipulating the circumstances around us.
Only Christ can fully satisfy the deepest longings of your heart.
If this post has helped you discover that you’re looking to guys for your security instead of to God, I really want to challenge and encourage you to do the following things:
- Repent of your misplaced affection and idolatry and ask God to help you desire Him more than guys (1 John 1:9).
- Every time you’re tempted to be consumed with “that guy,” choose to redirect your thoughts by pausing and praying for strength to stay focused on God. Memorize a few solid verses to meditate on when you’re feeling tempted (Psalm 107:9, Psalm 17:5, Psalm 37:4).
- Don’t browse his social media profile anymore.
- When you’re with a group and he’s there, choose to pursue meaningful conversations with other girls instead of chasing him down.
- Get in the Word every day so you can learn more about your Savior and develop a deeper love for Him (Psalm 16).
- Pray for your future husband and focus on staying faithful to him. If God has marriage in your future, your husband is out there, so choose to honor him while you wait.
For more helpful posts on this topic, I highly recommend reading these as well:
Is it Okay to Be Obsessed with Guys?
Chasing After Something Greater Than Guys
5 Strategies for Living With Purpose as a Single Girl
I’d love to hear from you below!
- Which of the 3 areas from above is a struggle for you now, or has been in the past?
- What has been personally helpful in your life for overcoming your obsession with a certain guy?