Being honest about my past struggles with sexual sin and masturbation wasn’t easy. In fact, I didn’t want to be honest about it. I didn’t want to confess it. I wanted to shove those sins into the deepest darkest corner never to be seen again.
But I knew that wouldn’t work.
Sin always has a way of making its way to the light.
As a “good christian girl,” I felt so ashamed and embarrassed inside that I struggled with lust. I was positive that I was the only Christian girl in the entire world who struggled with masturbation.
Sexual sins like that were supposed to be guy issues…not girl issues.
Right? I assumed I was the odd one out, which made me less interested in sharing honestly about my struggles. I figured I was just a strange female with hyper sensitive sexual desires.
If only I had known then what I know now. I wasn’t the odd one out. I wasn’t a weird female. I wasn’t even hypersensitive. I was (and am) a very normal female with common sexual temptations and struggles.
To my surprise, sexual sin isn’t just a guy issue.
It’s a human issue. Lust isn’t a male problem, but a humanity problem.
This became extremely apparent to me as I worked in Girl Defined Ministries for the past few years. We have received hundreds of emails and comments from Christian girls — just like me — who think they’re the only ones struggling.
Maybe you’re one of those who have sent an email.
As I scan the emails I feel like I’m reading my own story. Each one shares how hard it is for her to be honest. To be open. To tell someone. She feels alone and isolated in her struggle.
This seems to be a really common theme amongst Christian girls and women.
Being open and honest about our sexual struggles isn’t easy.
This really got me thinking.
Why is it so hard for us to speak up? To get help? To confess our sexual sin?
As I’ve examined my heart from the past, and interacted with dozens of girls, the answers seem to be the same. There are common threads in how we’re all feeling. I’ve been able to narrow it down to 5 common reasons for why we, as Christian girls aren’t honest about our sexual struggles.
What I’ve discovered is that each “reason” begins with a lie. A lie that keeps us trapped in our sin. A lie that makes it hard to be honest.
If you struggle to be open and honest about your own sexual sin, see if any of these 5 lies are at the root of your struggle:
1. I’m the only female who struggles with sexual sin and temptation.
I believed I was the only female who struggle with sexual sin, and this made it feel impossible to be honest. However, the more I realized that I wasn’t alone in the struggle, the easier it was for me to confess my sin and seek accountability.
2. Sexual sin is supposed to be a “guy issue,” so I must be weird.
Bookstores are filled with “purity” books for men. Churches often host purity studies for men. Whenever lust is mentioned, it’s often referred to as a “man’s struggle.” This reality has caused many Christian women to feel isolated, alone, and weird when it comes to their own sexual struggles.
But the reality is, we are not weird. We are simply sinners who struggle with sin. Yes, even sexual sin. Lust is a girl problem too.
3. My family and friends would be shocked if they knew what I struggled with.
Sure, they might be shocked. That could happen. But they probably won’t be as shocked as you think. We tend to think that our sexual struggles are “the worst.” We forget that other people wrestle with sexual sin as well.
Your parents have their own past and present struggles. Your friends have their own temptations. Even leaders and pastors battle with sexual temptation on a regular basis. As Ecclesiastes says, “What has been is what will be, and what has been done is what will be done, and there is nothing new under the sun.
4. Everybody views me as the “good christian girl” so I can’t tell them.
Our reputation and pride is often what keeps us from being honest about our sin. But the ironic thing is, by staying silent we’re actually being even more dishonest about who we truly are. Don’t let your “good christian girl” image keep you from being authentic about where you’re at.
Christ died on the cross because we’re sinners — not because we’re perfect Christian girls. We need His transforming grace and forgiveness in our lives.
5. Maybe what I’m doing isn’t really that bad after all.
The longer we keep our sin hidden, the more we try to protect it and shield it. We tell ourselves the lie that “it’s not that bad.” We convince ourselves time and time again that it’s okay. That it’s not hurting anyone.
What finally brought me to my knees and compelled me to confess my own sexual struggles, was the reality of how ugly my sin was. When I held my sin up next to God’s holiness and beauty, I fell to my knees in brokenness and repentance. He is worthy to be honored.
Did any of those 5 lies ring true in your own heart?
If you’re struggling to be honest about your sexual sin, I can’t encourage you enough to reject the lies, and pursue truth. Talk to someone. Maybe your mom, your pastor’s wife, your youth leader, or a godly woman. Freedom begins by bringing your sin into the light.
James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.”
Don’t stay trapped any longer! Whether it’s porn, masturbation, erotic novels, or something else…don’t keep it a secret any longer. Freedom is worth fighting for.
In closing, I want to recommend some extremely helpful resources for battling sexual sin:
Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World
Finally Free: Fighting for Purity with the Power of Grace by Heath Lambert
Come chat with me below by answering this question:
Which of the 5 lies do you find yourself most tempted to believed? Why?