I wouldn’t be surprised if nearly every one of you reading this post has struggled with, or is currently struggling with, secret sexual sin.
Why do I assume that so many of you struggle (or have struggled) with secret sexual sin?
Because (at times) I’ve struggled with this in my own life and I’ve received enough emails through Girl Defined to know this is a big problem for many of you.
I want you to know upfront that today can be a turning point in your life!
I hate the thought of you feeling alone, helpless, or hopeless in your struggle. I’m writing about this topic today to offer you hope and encouragement.
Before we officially start this blog, I want you to take a deep breath and pray.
Pray that God will open your eyes to the truth and give you the courage and strength to break free from all of your sin (no matter how great or small).
Keep in mind, you can do this only through the power of Christ’s strength.
5 Truth’s to Help You Destroy Secret Sexual Sins
1. Sin must be put to death in order to find freedom.
The only way that you (or I) will ever achieve freedom and true pleasure is by putting our sin to death.
Josh Harris explains it perfectly in his book: Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is). He says,
“The call to follow Jesus is a call to put our sin to death, to crucify it and then let the Holy Spirit control every part of our lives – Including our sexual desires. He asks us to give up chasing the lustful desires that could please us temporarily. Yet, on the other side of that sacrifice is freedom and true pleasure.”
It is absolutely impossible to experience lasting freedom if we have current sexual sin (or any ongoing sin) in our lives. The first step in your journey to freedom is to admit you have a sin struggle and recognize that you will NEVER have true freedom, peace, or joy until you put that sin to death.
2. Your secret sin must be brought to the light.
“Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy” (Proverbs 28:13).
God says that if we conceal our sins we will not prosper. I don’t know about you but I want to prosper in life. I know that according to the verse above, that will not happen unless I confess my sin and forsake it.
Bringing sin (of any kind) from the secret darkness into the light is not an easy thing to do. Even though it is difficult (and down right hard on the pride) freedom can be found through confession and openness.
It’s very important that you not only confess your sin to God but that you bring it into the light by confessing it to your parents (mentor/older woman), and to anyone that it has directly affected. This is vital in the process of breaking free from the bondage of sin.
“Have you ever noticed that most fungi grow best in the dark? If you were to turn the light on the fungus, it would be sapped of strength, wither, and eventually die. Sexual impurity is the same; it, too, thrives in the darkness. Typically pornography [or any sexual sin] is done in secret, where nobody knows, and as long as sinning remains in the dark, it will no doubt continue.” -The Way of Purity
3. God promises to forgive you of your sin.
“If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness” (1 John 1:9).
Don’t believe the lie that your sin is “too big” to be forgiven. Notice that God didn’t put any disclaimers in that verse or in any other verse in the Bible. He (if you ask) will forgive you.
Erwin Lutzer is wise to remind us of an important reality, “Forgiveness is always free. But that doesn’t mean that confession is always easy. Sometimes it is hard. Incredibly hard. It is painful to admit our sins and entrust ourselves to God’s care.”
Admitting our sins to God is hard. But living with those sins in secret is even harder. Trust in God’s perfect character and believe that He will forgive you if you ask.
4. It’s time to forsake the sin.
It’s one thing to confess your sins to God and your parent’s, but it’s another thing to forsake your sin. This is a huge *and key* part of getting free and staying free. Satan is no dummy, He knows that if you hold on to activities or relationships that tempt you to sin, you will most likely fall back into them.
That is why God made it clear that we must forsake our sin.
But what does it mean to forsake your sin? Forsake means to “renounce or give up”. Are you willing to give up all of your sin? Not just most of it, but all of it? When it comes to sin, we have no room to leave a little here and there and think that we can control it.
“This is the nature of sin. It takes us farther and farther, and though it promises to satisfy, it never does satisfy eternally. This is why we keep coming back to it over and over again” – The Way of Purity
I can’t encourage you enough to remove even what seems like the tiniest form of sin or temptation in your life. “But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…” Ephesians 5:3.
5. You need God’s power to change.
Remember that you do not have the strength within yourself to conquer sin. You have to go to Jesus who has all the power in the world. He must be your source of strength now and in the future.
“We can’t save ourselves and we can’t change ourselves. Only faith in Christ can rescue us from our prison of our sin. And only the Spirit can transform us. Our job is to invite His work, participate with it, and submit more and more of our thoughts, actions, and desires to Him.” – Josh Harris
You have to willingly humble yourself before God, admit you have a problem, seek His help and willingly seek the help of the Bible (and wise mentors around you). Don’t try to change on your own, it won’t work.
Practical tips for making that change.
Use God’s Word to fight off temptation. A great way to fight immoral thoughts is to find a verse, memorize it, meditate on it and know it like the back of your hand. The Word of God is powerful (Hebrews 4:12) and can help you resist those temptations with its power.
Fill your mind with Scripture. As you find a key verse to fight the temptations, don’t stop there. Start to fill your mind and heart with Scripture until your mind is overflowing with it. I can’t encourage you enough to read your Bible every single day.
Surround yourself with godly women. Make sure to surround yourself with godly Christian women who will push you toward Christ. Involve yourself in their Bible study groups, small groups, prayer groups, activities and whatever else they are doing.
Find accountability. Lastly let me encourage you to find accountability in your life. It is soooo much easier to fight off impurity (and to hold on to purity) when we have someone older and wiser prodding us on and encouraging us towards holiness.
I would love to chat with you in the comments or through e-mail. Feel free to ask any questions. I am cheering for you!
P.S. The blog post called Chocolate Covered Sin goes hand-in-hand with this topic.