Our world often portrays singleness as a condition of loneliness, doomed to the unfortunate. I struggled with this for years.

At one point in my life, “singleness” clouded my true identity with thoughts like…“since I’m not in a relationship, something must be wrong with me.” I allowed my relationship status to determine my value and worth.

We, as Christian girls, are constantly reminded through music, movies, tv shows, commercials holidays and even our friends that we are missing out. We consequently develop an unhealthy desire to be in a relationship because of what we see and what we hear.

We begin to glorify a “relationship” as our ultimate goal in achieving true happiness.

We then chase this dream of happiness to the point that we are willing to compromise or settle. Without even realizing it, the relationship becomes an idol.

I know this because I’ve been there.

I had a hard time accepting this because I was in denial. I couldn’t trust God for 10 years with a desire I claimed He gave me because I idolized the idea of a relationship. My desire to be in a relationship became greater than my desire to please God.

As a result, I lost all trust in God. Fear took root in my heart, and I was disobedient. I discovered that romance apart from God is always a struggle. I was in a bad romance.

Over the years I have learned that anything good can turn into an idol if our desire for that thing takes the place of God.

Whether that thing is a relationship, a job, friends, money, or beauty –  whatever it is – if it becomes more important than honoring God, it’s an idol.

I believe this is a device the enemy uses to take our focus off of the truth. We forget that our purpose here is not to meet our prince charming and fall in love.

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy (John 10:10). Therefore, he wants to rob our contentment in God. He wants to destroy our relationship with God and kill our desire to please God. And often the enemy uses something good – a romantic relationship – to get us off track.

Sisters, we have to guard our hearts.

We need to focus on our current calling and purpose in life. God is sovereign. What He has for you right now is what’s best for you.

We must remind ourselves that He knows what’s best for us. We must remind ourselves that His plans for our lives are good. We must remind ourselves that His thoughts and His ways are higher than our finite minds.

Life is not about a romantic relationship. It is about a relationship with our Creator. That is the greatest love of all. If we can’t learn to be content in our relationship with God and accept that He alone is enough, then we will never be truly happy.

Single or not, we’ll always be searching for something more.

We’ll be disappointed because our relationship won’t bring us the fulfillment we desperately thought it would.

God is the only one who can fully satisfy you.

In closing I want to challenge you to trust God and focus on your current assignment. What is God calling you to do today? If it’s God’s will for you to connect with someone in the future, it will happen. But even then, it won’t be about you. It will be about God’s glory.

Until we understand that and fully embrace that, He may just make us wait. 😉

And if we are too desperate to wait (like I once was), we will enter something that He never ordained.

Through trial and error I have learned that God’s timing is perfect. I have finally come to terms that He is all I need. My relationship with God is most important and everything else can wait.

Does that mean my desire for a family is gone? No. I would love to get married someday! But I can honestly say that if it’s not God’s plan for me, I will be okay. I want what God wants for my life.

My desires to get married and be in a relationship no longer consume me.

My new passion and desire is to please Him. My desire for His love is greater than my desire to be loved by a guy. I am now in love with Love Himself. I have found my true love and I wholeheartedly belong to Him!

I pray this post touched your heart and convicted your spirit as it has mine. Our Father longs to be in a deep and intimate relationship with each one of us. He alone is enough.

• In what ways are you struggling to trust God with your romantic desires right now?
• How do you think your life would change if you surrendered those desires to God?

*This guest post was written by Valerie Valcourt. If you’re interested in having a post featured on Girl Defined, check out our guest post submission guidelines and contact us here. 

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