There I was, waking up every morning with a new resolve to not eat as much as I did the day before. I was determined to eat less so I didnʼt gain weight, but every day it seemed like I failed.
My thoughts as I stood in front of the mirror went something like this: “Why can’t I just be skinny? I would be so much happier if I was as thin as a Gap model. I’m not going to eat anything till dinner, and when it comes, I’m going to have bird size portions.”
I hated thinking this way, but I felt helpless.
I would remind myself that it was not that big of a deal and I was blowing it way out of proportion.
I wondered what the matter was with me. Why did I always want to be skinnier? Even if I felt skinnier I never felt happy about myself. I would have days where I felt better about myself, but I could never completely solve the issue.
This battle of wanting to be skinny lasted for a while. It started out as just a small thing, but as the years went by I became much more aware of my figure. Over time it became a HUGE problem for me.
I literally thought about food and being skinny all day long.
It ruled my life. If I ate something “naughty” I became discouraged. That discouragement led me to thinking I was fat and of course made me feel unhappy.
From the outside no one could tell I was struggling with this issue. In my heart I felt like I was trapped in a box and couldnʼt get out.
Freedom didn’t come quickly. It took several months till I was truly free from this battle.
How did I break free?
I realized I was totally consumed with my figure and how skinny I wanted to be. The skinnier I could become, the happier I thought I would be. The reason I never found a way out was because I was trying to change my outside, not realizing this truly was an issue of the heart.
From what friends have told me, it seems like us girls have had a struggle with food from Day 1.
Do you remember what the very first sin was? It was when Eve ate the fruit off the forbidden tree in the garden of Eden.
“So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. She also gave to her husband with her, and he ate.” (Genesis 3:6)
Eve desired more than what God had given them. Think about it: did eating the fruit she desired make her happier and better off? No. It actually caused generations and generations of sin issues, struggles and heartaches.
If you are like me you will always want something else to make you happy. You have a sin nature in you and the more you feed it the more it grows. You can’t seek to worship God and glorify Him when you are worshipping the flesh by giving it whatever it wants.
You have to nip this in the bud.
Here are three things that helped me in my journey to freedom:
1. Remember that the Holy Spirit lives inside of you. Therefore you need to glorify Him with your body.
“Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own? For you have been bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body.” (1 Corinthians 6:19-20)
Since the God of the universe is living inside of you, you need to honor Him with your thoughts. God doesn’t praise skinny people in the Bible. Actually, God says He looks at the heart of man and not his appearance.
2. Don’t find your worth in how much you weigh or how you look.
“For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.” (Psalm 139:13-14)
You shouldnʼt judge your worth based off of how you look on the outside. Since God has made you in His image, you need to take care of the body He has given you while not obsessing over it or making it an idol.
3. Don’t give into your sinful and discouraging thoughts. Instead, in that moment pray for God’s truth. Find a couple of verses you like, memorize them, and then repeat them over and over again.
“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)
A big problem that I struggled with was giving into the wrong thoughts. You think something is true and then slowly believe it to be true. You have to guard your thoughts. Your thoughts are very important.
If you start believing a lie, you will start living the lie too.
Those three points helped me tremendously on my journey to freedom. I don’t think about food as much and I don’t desire to be as skinny as a Gap model. I donʼt judge myself by how skinny I need to be. I definitely workout and try to eat healthy, but not to the obsession level I used to.
Worrying about how I needed to be skinnier was very time consuming and stressful. Once you know Godʼs Truth and believe it, it really is freeing.
Keep in mind that It’s not going to be an overnight thing. It will take time, but when you find true freedom, it is a whole lot better than what you had before.
I would highly recommend the book Love to Eat, Hate to Eat by Elyse Fitzpatrick. She gives a lot of great advice on eating right and overcoming the “food issue”. I read it and found it very helpful.
Okay. Letʼs wrap it up.
1.) Have you struggled with this food issue before?
2.) What is Godʼs perspective on Beauty?
3.) Do you want to lose weight to “feel better about yourself”, or do you desire to be self- disciplined for the glory of God?
Thanks for reading,
Photo credit: www.flickr.com | Sebastian Anthony