Like many of you girls, there lies a deep desire within me to someday have that person who will read my mind, get my sense of humor, and be there to share all of the wonderful experiences life has to offer.
There is something deep inside of me that longs to be accepted and loved. Something that thinks this person will fulfill what I so desperately crave.
I don’t know, for some reason there is a part of me that believes once I find this person I will be oh-so-happy.
But guess what? I’m not there yet. I haven’t found that person. Like many of you, I am not in that wonderful season of life yet.
One of the hardest things about being single is the feeling of being alone.
This feeling is hard to ignore; it seems I have an aversion to not being with someone.
I have to remember that it’s natural to feel this. In Genesis 2:18 we read that God said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” We were made for community. We were made for relationship.
Sadly, many people make the mistake of wanting to be in a relationship simply to be in a relationship.
They get into relationships for the wrong reasons. They look to the relationship for how it can fulfill them. How the other person can make them happy. What the other person can offer them.
Anyone who has ever been in a serious relationship will tell you that merely being together does not satisfy or fulfill your deepest desires. You will ultimately still feel let down, empty and unsatisfied.
Simply being in a relationship does not fill that hole. A relationship only fulfills us when it realizes its God-given purpose.
The purpose of a relationship is to draw us closer to God by selflessly serving the other individual.
For me, one of the hardest things about being single is learning to trust and obey God while waiting on His perfect timing.
I have learned one very important truth during this waiting period: God’s best comes in God’s timing.
Like many of you, I struggle regularly with (and this does not just apply to the state of being in or not being in a relationship) getting ahead of myself, looking too far ahead, and missing out on what the present has to offer.
About ten months ago, after a year long hiatus (while being single), I found myself back in the position of having the option to pursue a relationship, if I so chose to.
It was at this point that I was forced to confront the way I felt and learn to fully surrender this area to God.
During this process, several truths gradually cemented in my mind as to how I needed to live until I found “the one.”
1. How I treated and interacted with the opposite gender.
I have a confession to make. This has been the hardest lesson for me to learn. In many ways I am having to relearn how to honor and respect members of the opposite gender. Learning how to love them as sisters-in-Christ or lost individuals is something that doesn’t come naturally for me.
2. How I viewed my free time, priorities, and purpose in life.
We are the happiest when we are doing what we were made to do. I’ve learned that when I choose to live for myself, I will always be unfulfilled and dissatisfied with life. It’s only when I surrender what I want to God that He is able to shape and mold me into something that can be used for good purposes.
Relationships take time and effort.
Time and effort are very valuable commodities. If God has not opened the door on a relationship for you right now, then you have more time to pursue other things. What a great opportunity we, as singles, have to pour into the lives of others.
As a single guy hoping to get married some day, I have to remember a key point: “The one” was never meant to fill the hole.
There is only one Person who can fill the hole in my heart and in yours.
He is the only One who can give us our worth, affirmation, value, purpose, and contentment.
So what should we, as singles, do today?
Personally, I have chosen to wait for God’s timing and to serve Him wholeheartedly until that day.
I look to Him for fulfillment and affirmation in the fact that when I come to Him I know He loves me and deems me valuable. I look to Him because I have learned that when I look anywhere else it doesn’t and cannot satisfy. I look to Him for purpose in the season of life I am in. I look to Him, and my heart finds contentment.
How about you?
• What challenges do you face in trusting God during your singleness?
• What lessons has God personally taught you during your singleness?
• What one piece of advice would you give to someone who is struggling to “find fulfillment” in their single years?
This guest post was written by Michael Tankersley.
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