Have you ever looked in the mirror and not liked what you saw? No matter how hard you tried your outfit, makeup, hair, etc. just didn’t look “good?”
I’m the girl who everyone thinks is confident, carefree, and knows God loves me. Mainly because I’m the pastor’s daughter (any PK’s out there?). I’m sure most of you have had this struggle too. It’s probably the most popular of all the “teenage-girl problems.”
My hair is plain brown, no volume. My eyes are dull blue-ish grey, no pop. I’m short with absolutely NO curves whatsoever.
For the past four years I’ve struggled with the fact that I’m not beautiful.
That no guy will ever want me.
I hit my all time low when I saw how beautiful the girls were at my school. They appeared to have perfect hair, nails, facial features, and outfits.
I felt stuck.
Yeah, I knew God loved me, sort of. I knew about all that ‘inner beauty’ stuff, but it was getting kind of old.
And then everything changed.
I went to summer camp. A summer camp called Miracle Camp.
Miracle Camp is located in southern Michigan. It’s a christian camp that I had gone to for years. One specific night the guys went into the woods and us girls had a girls night in the chapel. We had done a similar thing last year, but this year our theme was brokenness.
We took a piece of a broken mug and wrote what we were broken about on it. Some people wrote “selfishness” others wrote things like “self-harm.” You wrote the thing or things that were consuming your thoughts and making you feel broken.
One of my friends told a story of how after 20+ years of a happy and faithful marriage between her parents, her dad committed adultery. She just couldn’t fathom her dad doing anything like that. She was in denial…then it finally hit her. She felt so broken.
Many tears were shed that night at camp.
My brokenness wasn’t about my parents, but about my physical appearance. I wrote “self-hate” on my piece. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t FEEL God’s love. You might know what I mean.
I knew it in my head, but not in my heart. And it was my broken piece of ceramic that wouldn’t go away.
That night, I cried. For a long time.
I’m not sure for how long, but at one point my counselor took my hand and lead me to the back of the chapel. She asked me what was wrong. I said “I don’t feel loved. I know I am, I just can’t feel it.” She hugged me and prayed over me. Over the next few days, things got better.
It wasn’t some kind of overnight miracle or a huge incredible sign from God. It just slowly occurred to me that my beauty doesn’t come from my outward appearance. It doesn’t even come from having “great character.”
For the first time I realized that it came from knowing I was designed a specific way by my Creator. I could be covered in warts but my heavenly Father doesn’t look at that. He loves me because I am HIS. I am loved. So very much.
And because of Christ’s love covering me, I am beautiful in His sight.
Did my struggle to “feel” loved and beautiful completely disappear? No. A year later and I still struggle with it at times. I still have bad days. We all do because we’re sinners. But I have a silver lining. A secret that I want to share.
As children of God, we are deeply loved. You are deeply loved.
We see it every day! God didn’t put the trees, birds, flowers, or any of creation simply so it could be there! Every leaf, every petal, every sunrise and sunset was put there so we, His beloved children, could enjoy it! If God wanted it simply for His own enjoyment, he would have just put everything in heaven.
But He didn’t.
His is oh-so-loved daughters and sons were down here, and he wanted to show them how much they meant to him.
I hope you understand God’s love. Without it life is very empty.
Let’s chat! What would you write on your “broken piece of mug?”
- What brokenness are you facing in your life today? How do you deal with it?
- Do you understand how precious you are to God? Do you know how much God loves you?
- What advice do you have for girls who are struggling to accept God’s love?
*This post was written by guest blogger, Keyndal Hudson. (If you would like to write a guest post for Girl Defined, contact us at [email protected] for more details).
Photo Credit: www.flickr.com | Charlie Godfrey