Looking back on my high school years I realize how little I knew about interacting with guys.
I would say, the one word that best described my interaction with young men, would probably be flirting. As a super outgoing, social, extroverted gal, flirting just seemed to be my most natural way of interaction.
Some girls feel awkward around guys and run away out of fear, and some, like myself, revert to being overly friendly and flirty.
I personally don’t think either option is a good one.
Over the years God has convicted my heart in this area and I’ve come a long *long* way in my guy friendships. I’m not perfect, but I’m definitely much further down the road than I was in high school.
Through much wisdom from the godly men and women around me, I’ve really grown to interact with guys in a much more God-honoring and pure way.
A conference in particular, had a big impact on the way I processed my interactions with guys.
I’ll never forgot one of the messages I heard at on this very topic. The pastor took us through what he called the “5 T’s.” These “5 T’s” basically act as a filter to help us best interact with the young men around us.
These 5 T’s are a great way to evaluate your actions, check your heart, and make sure you’re acting in a way that truly honors God.
Let’s jump in:
T = Time
Ephesians 5:15–16 says, “Look carefully then how you walk, not as unwise but as wise, making the best use of the time, because the days are evil.”
As young Christian woman we need to evaluate the time we spend with young men. We need to ask ourselves important questions about the quantity and quality of time spent with guys. Ask yourself:
- Am I squandering hours upon hours just “hanging out”?
- Am I careful to make sure that my time spent with guys is Christ-honoring?
- Am I trying to find my identity and worth in the amount of time I spend with guys?
- Is the amount of time I’m spend with my guy friends the wisest and most productive use of my time?
T = Talking
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.”
Your conversations with guys must line up with Scripture. You are accountable to God for the words that you speak. Don’t excuse your conversation just because it’s with a guy. Ask yourself:
- What topics typically dominate the majority of my conversations with guys?
- Do my conversations with guys contain crude, sarcastic, or rude comments?
- Do my words push my guy friends toward Christ or away?
- Are my words edgy, flirty and slightly seductive?
T = Transparency
Proverbs 17:27 says, “Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.”
When it comes to friendships with guys, we each need to make sure that we keep a close eye on this one. Opening up, sharing deep feelings, and discussing personal topics can lead a friendship down a dangerous path. We truly should be careful with what information we share with our guy friends. Ask yourself:
- Am I cautious with the amount of information I share with my guy friends?
- Do I share personal/intimate secrets?
- Do I pour out my heart to my guy friends?
- Do I use my guy friends as someone to simply comfort my crazy emotions?
First Corinthians 15:33 says, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company ruins good morals.’”
When picking guy friends, we need to look at what they do (their actions), and not simply who they describe themselves to be (their words). I know many girls (me included) who have trusted guys based on their words alone. A lot of guys can talk-the-talk but, do not walk-the-walk. Be wise about whom you choose to trust. Ask yourself:
- Am I intentional about purposefully choosing godly guy friends?
- Am I willing to give up a friendship with a guy if I know it isn’t good?
- Have my morals been compromised with any of my current guy friendships?
T = Touch
First Thessalonians 4:3–5 says, “For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in a way in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God.”
This is a big area of struggle for many single guys and girls. We need to make sure that each of our friendships with guys is marked by purity and holiness. As girls we should be encouraging our guy friends toward purity and not tempt them towards impurity. Ask yourself:
- Do I show honor toward my guy friends in the area of physical touch?
- Am I self-controlled with my hands, hugs, etc.?
- Is the “touching” aspect of my relationships with guys holy in God’s sight?
I hope that those five areas give you direction when it comes to navigating your friendships with guys. I would encourage you to take some time to pray about and evaluate your current friendships in light of the 5 T’s. Ask God to show you any areas that might not be honoring to Him. Then be willing to make changes .
I’d love to hear from you now!
How are your guy friendships matching up with the five T’s?
Which areas would you say need improvement?