I’ve been thinking about this specific blog post for the past two weeks. When I first thought of the title I was excited and ready to write. And then I realized that this isn’t just a normal (1. opening story 2. helpful advice 3. ending questions) blog post.
This is a blog post that requires me to be totally down-to-earth and honest. It’s a time for me to open up my heart and be as truthful as I possibly can.
I want you to know that I’m just a regular girl, with regular struggles, and regular fears. My life is far from perfect and I am far from perfect.
The grass is always greener on the other side
So often we as Christian girls peek into each others’ lives and assume that somehow our story is harder. We look at each others’ lives and figure that, for whatever reason, the other girl has it easier. Have you ever felt that way? I sure have.
Let’s get rid of the “greener grass syndrome” right now. I am challenging you to be humble and honest. I am going to take off my “mask” and be real with you. Will you join me?
Here is a peek inside my heart.
I vividly remember a time in my life when I looked at the “older” single girls (girls in their mid-to-late twenties which is MY CURRENT AGE) and was oh so glad that I wasn’t in their shoes. Being past the age of twenty-two as a single girl was a horrifying thought to me. I was positive that I would never be one of those girls.
I would think to myself, “Nope. Not me. My story is going to be different. I just know that I’ll marry the manly hunk of my dreams by 19-20. No worries for me.”
Oh boy. Was I ever wrong.
God had a completely different story written for my life. The “getting married young to my manly hunk” was not in His plan.
So here I am today. I’m 26 years old and I’m one of “those girls” that I promised myself I would never be. I’m living a life that I never could have imagined. Am I happy? Absolutely. Do I love my life? For sure! Would I trade it? No way.
But just because I love my life, that doesn’t mean it’s always easy. I still very much desire to get married…like yesterday would have been nice. I still struggle with worrying, stressing, and fretting over my never-ending singleness.
After thinking this through, I’ve boiled it down to one struggle. Out of all the hardships that come with being single, I would say this is the hardest for me.
What is the hardest thing about being a Christian single girl?
For me, the very hardest thing about being a Christian single girl, is the fear of the unknown future.
Did you catch that? The fear of the unknown future.
Having absolutely no idea what your future holds can be slightly terrifying. Especially when it has to do with romance.
There are no guarantees. There isn’t a plan. There isn’t a clue. There isn’t writing on the wall telling me, “Just hold on for a few more years.”
That is what scares me. That is what tempts me to worry. That is what triggers my fear. I just don’t know what my future holds.
These thoughts are constantly trying to squeeze into my brain and tempt me to worry.
“What if I’m single forever?”
“What if people feel sorry for me?”
“What if guys don’t even think of me as an option?”
“What if I just keep getting older and older and older?”
“Yikes! What if all my siblings get married and I’m the only one left?”
Where do I go from there?
So what do I do? Where do I go from there? Desiring marriage in and of itself is a good thing. God created marriage and it is a beautiful gift and blessing. I don’t think giving up that desire is the answer. I don’t think turning that desire into an idol is the answer either. Obviously, worrying is a sin and does not bring about anything good.
So what do I do?
This quote perfectly sums up the answer to my dilemma:
“I don’t know what my future holds, but I do know who holds my future.”
God is the only person I want in charge of my future. Over this past year I’ve seen God do some incredible things in my life. I know that if He wanted me to be married (have a guy, be in a relationship etc. etc.) I would be. He obviously has a different plan.
Knowing that He purposely has me single during this season encourages my heart and makes me excited. He has a plan for my life. I’m not in some “in-between” stage waiting for my life to begin. My life is happening right now. Your life is happening right now.
The question is, what will you do with the time that God’s given you? What will I do with these single years?
Have purpose and serve God.
I honestly believe that one one of the best ways to overcome depression, sadness, unhappiness, and worry during the single years is to have an eternal purpose.
Having purpose and serving God brings so much joy and fulfillment. It forces you to take your eyes off of yourself and what you don’t have, and puts them on Christ’s purposes and on others needs.
If I could recommend one thing for single Christian girls to do during this time it would be this:
Have a God-centered vision and serve Him with your life.
Don’t sit around waiting for your life to begin. Start living and thriving right now. You have so much to offer this world. God says in Luke 10:2, “The harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few.”
Be one of those workers. You will be shocked by how little you worry about your singleness and your future when you are working for Christ.
I want you to be open and honest with me.
What would you say is the hardest thing about being a Christian single girl?
I’d love to continue this conversation below. Let’s exchange stories, encourage each other and share ideas on how to be productive during this time.
P.S. The picture at the top of this blog post is me. That’s exactly how I feel when I’m tempted to worry about the future. I wonder, “Will I ever have a ring on this finger?!?”