I was sixteen years old and hanging out with some of my best girl-friends. The four of us were full of ideas about our futures. We had big plans. Especially when it came to our future relationships.
The four of us were sure that marriage would be apart of our lives.
I clearly remember sitting at a little cafe with my besties and taking “votes” on which one of us would get married first. It wasn’t a matter of “would we get married” it was simply a matter of “when.”
Little did I know that my “when” wouldn’t happen for over 14 years from that moment.
Never in a million years did I suspect that I’d be one of the last to get married.
I’d attend dozens of weddings, wear countless bridesmaids dresses, host wedding showers, and still never experience any of that for myself.
Without some serious focus and intentionality, this season of attending weddings can become miserable. If you’re single, you know exactly what I’m talking about. When all of your friends are getting married, it can be extremely difficult to handle.
Over the years of attending weddings, God has done some amazing work in my heart.
As a result, I’ve learned to be truly content and joy-filled. I’ve learned to trust God in a way that has transformed my heart and brought me true peace during this “unmarried” season of life.
If you desire true contentment while all of your friends are getting married, this blog is for you. Here are three practical truths that have helped me during my single season and I think will be super encouraging to you as well.
1. Learn to Trust God with Your Life Journey.
This was a huge one for me. It was probably the biggest game changer in my life. I was so good at trusting God for other people’s journeys, but not for mine. I believed that God was directing and working in the lives of my friends, but I would often question His work in my own life. In my mid-twenties, I decided to get serious about learning how to trust God. I searched the Scriptures and realized that God truly is the same yesterday, today, and for all of eternity.
“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever” (Hebrews 13:8).
He is the same God who protected Daniel and closed the mouths of the lions (Daniel 6). He is the same God who chose Esther and used her to deliver the Jews from annihilation (Esther). He is the same God who put Joseph in the right place at the time and used him to save His people from the famine (Genesis 37- 50). He’s still that very same God today. He hasn’t changed.
We need to remember who He is and accept that He is truly trustworthy.
Learning to fully trust God has made such an impact on my life, that I wrote an entire chapter about it in my new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships. Here’s a snippet of what I share, “Trusting God with your singleness is an essential step toward finding satisfaction.You will feel most content and joy-filled the more you surrender and entrust your desires to the Lord.”
I challenge you to seriously consider what it means to fully trust God. How would trusting God change the upcoming wedding season for you? Consider memorizing Proverbs 3:5-6 and making that your wedding season anthem. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths” (Proverbs 3:5-6).
2. Live All Out for Christ During the Season of Singleness.
When I stopped viewing my singleness as an “in-between stage,” my life drastically changed. I stopped waiting around and instead started pouring my heart and time in God’s Kingdom work. I started mentoring and discipling young women on a regular basis. I got serious about serving at my church. I got intentional about women’s ministry and co-founded Girl Defined Ministries. I loved on my family and chose to become a good and reliable friend. I dug deeper into my relationship with Christ and continued growing in my faith. The more I focused on using my life to serve Christ, the more content I became as a single person.
As I say in Love Defined,
“Instead of wasting our days waiting for the next season, let’s live with purpose and intention. Let’s take advantage of this incredibly unique season of life and live with eternity in mind.”
Living all out for Christ takes intentionality.
It doesn’t just happen. I encourage you to get serious about this area of your life. If you attend a local church, ask someone in leadership about the church’s needs. If you live near a public school, look into one of their Big Sister or Big Brother mentor programs. If you have social media, creatively looks for ways to challenge and encourage the people who follow you. The more you get your eyes off of your needs and onto the needs of others, the easier it will be to live joyfully during the wedding season.
3. Surround Yourself with Good Community.
Good community has been one of the biggest blessings in my life. Solid friends and a solid church can make all the difference in a single person’s life. Pouring into others and being poured into is so essential. God designed us to be in fellowship with Him and in relationship with others. Don’t get me wrong — I get that this is hard. It can be difficult to invest into others. But remember, hard doesn’t automatically mean bad. I encourage you to make good community a high priority in your life right now. Make an effort to get involved with a good Bible-believing church. Get involved with a small group. Invite people out to coffee. Initiate social gatherings. Host a Bible study.
Do whatever it takes to get involved in people’s lives and to get people involved in yours.
“And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near” (Hebrews 10:24-25).
For me personally, I have found so much encouragement through my local church and in the relationships I’ve established there. Having a solid community has helped me overcome loneliness during the wedding season.
Whether you’re nineteen, thirty-one, or forty-five, it’s possible to thrive during the wedding season.
I encourage you to consider my three points from above and ask yourself which one you can begin working on today.
If you’re already doing all three, which one can you strengthen and grow in?
If you’re serious about living a more joy-filled and contented life during the wedding season, these three practical points will jump-start you into doing just that. They’ve been game changers for my life, and I’m confident they can be game changers for you as well.