My heart was pounding. My hands were sweating. I knew I needed to be honest about my struggle but it was the last thing in the world I wanted to do. Especially to my parents. However, as scared as I was of being honest, I couldn’t bear the weight of my secret any longer.
As a teen, I had been really struggling with my thought life for a while and lust seemed to be my constant companion. These sinful thoughts and imaginations also lead me down the path of regular masturbation. I tried to stop many times, but couldn’t seem to break the pattern in my life. I knew my thoughts and actions weren’t holy, pure, or honoring to God, but nothing I did seemed to work.
That’s when I heard something that turned my world upside. I share the full story in my new book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart, but in a nutshell, here’s what happened next.
I was at a conference and heard the speaker talk about the powerful act of bringing secret sins into the light.
Exposing secrets had a way of breaking the bondage they had over us. I wanted that! I knew what I needed to do.
Choosing to bring my secret sexual struggle into the light was the turning point for me. God gave me the courage to be open and honest with my parents and ask for their help. From that point on, everything changed. My struggle was no longer mine alone to bear. I had support, prayer, encouragement, and accountability. The next few months and years looked very different for me. I didn’t walk perfectly, but I walked in victory much more consistently.
If you’re currently wrestling with a secret sexual struggle, I understand the weight and burden it can be. Whether it’s pornography, masturbation, erotica, sexting, lustful thoughts, or something else, you don’t have to fight this battle alone.
Galatians 6:2 says, “Bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” God’s good plan for His church is that we would bear one another’s burdens by walking with each other through the hard stuff.
Jesus wants victory and freedom for you! And through Him, this is possible.
Romans 6:13-14 says, “Do not present your members to sin as instruments for unrighteousness, but present yourselves to God as those who have been brought from death to life, and your members to God as instruments for righteousness. For sin will have no dominion over you, since you are not under law but under grace.”
I want to share with you 4 specific ways you can deal with your secret sexual struggles right now. These 4 things are pulled directly from chapter 11 of my new book which is titled, “Real Talk: Porn, Erotica and Masturbation.” To get the full version, I hope you will grab a copy of Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart and dig into this entire chapter on your own. I truly believe it could be life-changing for you.
1. Pursue Genuine Repentance.
For each of us, the first step toward victory from lustful sin is to recognize that we have sinned against God and are in need of His forgiveness. 1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” Our God is full of grace and forgiveness, willing to receive and forgive any who seek Him.
2. Bring Secret Sins Into the Light.
Sin thrives in darkness. There is something powerfully freeing about bringing secret sins into the light. Proverbs 28:13 says, “Whoever conceals his transgressions will not prosper, but he who confesses and forsakes them will obtain mercy.” God promises to give us mercy if we expose our sin. Whether it’s porn, masturbation, erotica, or something else—if you truly desire freedom, you must expose it.
3. Seek Ongoing Discipleship from a Godly Woman.
After bringing your struggle into the light, don’t revert back into your own private world again. Breaking sinful habits is hard. Don’t fight your battles alone. Find a godly woman in your life and ask her to disciple you in God’s truth. Depending on what your specific struggle is (i.e. porn, masturbation, erotica, etc.), consider reading a biblically grounded book together on the topic. You could also pray together regularly. She could provide an “open door” of accountability where you text or call her any time you’re tempted toward your struggle.
4. Make Radical Changes.
Depending on the frequency and severity of your struggle, you may need to employ some radical changes in your life to avoid sexual compromise. For example, if you struggle with pornography, consider only using your computer or phone in public places, installing a strong internet accountability filter, and/or taking a break from technology for a while. If you struggle with erotica, be intentional to throw away any tempting books/movies, delete erotic content from your media devices, and avoid getting on technology when you’re alone. If you struggle with masturbation, evaluate where your temptation strikes the hardest. Maybe it’s in your bedroom, shower, or when you’re tired. Come up with a plan of action on how you’re going to handle this temptation.
Being honest about your secret sexual struggle may be the hardest to do, but it is the first step toward breaking its grip on you.
I pray you will take these 4 steps seriously and begin your journey toward freedom today! As one author so beautifully reminds us, “To rightly embrace our sexuality we must bring it under the dominion of the One who created it. When we do, we’re not fighting against our sexuality; we’re fighting for it. We’re rescuing our sexuality from being ruined by lust. We’re exalting our God-given identity as sexual creatures by refusing to be trapped in the never-ending dissatisfaction of lust.”
I’d love to hear from you below!
- Which of the 4 steps stood out to you the most and why?
- Have you ever brought a secret sexual sin into the light? What happened?
PS If you enjoy listening to audiobooks, we’re giving away our new audiobook for FREE if you pre-order Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart by April 29th! You only have a few days left! To learn more, click here.