I’ve always felt like I had a really high sex-drive for a woman. I used to wonder if this was normal, or if I was some kind of strange female. Prior to getting married, I remember reading Christian books about marriage where they would consistently refer to the “man’s high sex-drive” and his “need for intimacy.” I would secretly wonder things like, doesn’t the woman have sexual desires too? Did God create me, as a woman, with strong longings as well?
Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever wondered if it’s normal for a girl to have a high-sex drive? Have you ever felt like your desires were disproportionate to what society is telling you?
I’ve sure felt that way. Although this topic isn’t one you’ll find on most Christian blogging sites, I think it’s really important for us to talk about. God is our Creator and He designed us to be sexual in nature. He is the one who gave us our hormones, sex-drive, and intimate desires. As Christian women, we need to be discipled in this area of our lives just as much as every other area.
Sexuality is a beautiful and crucial topic that we need to understand from a Biblical worldview.
So with that being said, let’s unpack the main question of this post: Is it weird for a girl to have a really high sex drive? To get our answer, let’s look inside God’s Word to see what He has to say about sex and intimacy.
First: The Man and Woman Were Both Created with Sex-Drives.
In the very beginning, when God created Adam and Eve, He created them both as sexual beings. Adam wasn’t the only one with a sex-drive. Genesis 1:27-28 says, “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it.”
Fast forward a tiny bit and we see this, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). Flip over to chapter 4 and we see the first Biblical record of sexual intimacy taking place, “Now Adam knew Eve his wife, and she conceived and bore Cain” (Genesis 4:1).
God created Adam and Eve with the capacity for sexual intimacy and oneness. They were both created with sex-drives. From the beginning of time, sex was made for marriage, not just for the man.
Second: God Created the Man and Woman to Both Enjoy Passionate Love-Making
The Bible isn’t shy about sex. God devoted an entire book of His Holy Word to showing us the beauty and passion of marital love-making. The book of Song of Solomon is filled with a poetic narrative of two lovers longing for each other and describing the beauty of passionate intimacy. In this book, both the man and the woman are giving and receiving pleasure. Both are pursuing and responding.
The woman passionately says, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine. With great delight I sat in his shadow, and his fruit was sweet to my taste. On my bed by night I sought him whom my soul loves” (Song of Solomon 1:1, 2:3, 3:1).
The man passionately says, “Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! Your eyes are doves behind your veil. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. You have captivated my heart with one glance of your eyes with one jewel of your necklace” (Song of Solomon 4:1,5,9).
Clearly, this is not a one-sided situation. Both the man and the woman are passionately in love and are delighting in each other sexually.
Third: Each Person’s Sex-Drive is Unique to Them
As we discussed before, Scripture makes it very clear that both the male and female were each created with a sex-drive. What the Bible doesn’t lay out for us is whether or not the man or woman has a stronger sex-drive than the other. For that question, let’s turn to modern research.
It’s not a mystery that modern statistics often show that it’s common for a man to express a higher interest in sex more frequently than a woman. Medical research also shows that men typically have higher libido than women. However, did you catch those little words? Often and typically. This means that a man’s sex-drive isn’t always 100% stronger than a woman’s. One study claimed that in 20% of marriages, the wife has the stronger sex-drive.
Here’s my personal opinion. Based on other Biblical factors about the roles of the male/female and husband/wife, I believe that God intentionally wired the man to have a stronger sex-drive in order to encourage him to pursue a wife. Since God designed sex to take place rightly within the context of marriage, a young man’s sex-drive would compel him to pursue his bride with passion and fervency.
Since the woman was also created with a sex-drive, this would compel her to respond to his initiation with a desire for relational and sexual oneness.
That’s just my take!
At the end of the day though, I don’t think we need to get bent out of shape about who has the stronger sex-drive. In many cases, it’s the man. In some cases, it’s the woman. And that’s okay. God created both the man and woman as sexual beings with the capacity for great sexual enjoyment, to be embraced rightly within marriage. If you feel like you have an extra strong sex-drive as a woman, that’s perfectly fine. You’re not weird or strange.
Like I said earlier, I always felt like I had a strong sex drive. And let me tell you — within my marriage, that has been a wonderful gift.
Understanding God’s design for sex and intimacy is so crucial for us as Christian women. We need Biblical answers to our questions. That’s why I am so glad we were able to have this candid conversation. If you haven’t read our book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart, I really hope you’ll grab a copy (or audiobook). This book is for single and married women and covers everything from lust, sexual desire, secret sins, longings within singleness, masturbation, sexual abuse, and much more. You can find out more here.
Now, I’d love to chat with you more about this topic below.
- When it comes to the topic of sexual intimacy, what other questions do you have?
- In what ways are you struggling to understand God’s design for sex and intimacy?