Standing in front of my bedroom mirror, I checked-out at my new jeans. I thought to myself, you look seriously hot. I had been working out a lot, my skin was tan from being in the sun, and my new jeans were snug around my hips. Looking at myself up and down, I knew the guys would notice me. I wanted them to notice me. As a single girl, I wanted to be wanted.
As I headed out the door to meet up with my friends, I suddenly felt very powerful and alluring. Even seductive.
Without ever being formally taught, I knew how to use my femininity to get the attention and affirmation I wanted.
After meeting up with my group of friends, I instantly felt the glances and stares from the guys around me. One of my girl-friends even walked up to me and said, “girl, you’re looking extra hot tonight!” Mission accomplished. I felt hot, and other people thought I looked hot. I never lacked male attention that entire evening. Feeling desired, in-control, and powerful had never felt so good.
My desire to be alluring and seductive that night is something most of us, as women feel. We want to be beautiful. We want to be noticed. We want to be desired. We want to be pursued.
Most of us have also learned that we can use our feminine beauty in strategic ways to get what we want.
We see this being played out almost every day in our society. Beautiful women are often featured in advertisements as a way to attract onlookers. Clothing stores make sales by appealing to our longing to be noticed through the provocative clothes they sell. Social media is filled with sensual selfies from us, as women, hoping to be noticed and desired.
So here’s the question. Is it wrong to be beautiful and seductive as a woman?
When we open God’s word, we will discover an eye-opening truth. Being seductive is something that comes naturally to most girls and women because it’s actually a part God’s sexual design for us (Proverbs 5:18-19, Song of Solomon 7:6-10). God purposely created women to be beautiful with soft skin, lovely curves, and feminine features.
The problem isn’t that we’re beautiful, seductive or have sexual desires, it’s that we’re embracing these things in the wrong context.
Sadly, what we see in our society isn’t God’s good plan for women. Using our bodies as a means to get attention, produce sales, and gain power is sinful and selfish. Using our feminine allure for personal gratification is selfish and prideful. Seducing the guys around us isn’t true love, but self-gratifying lust (1 Thess. 4:3-5).
These are the wrong contexts for seduction and sexual allure.
Instead of falling in-line with how our society operates, we as Christian women, need to see what God’s Word has to say about how to properly embrace seduction and sexual allure.
Contrary to what many people think, God is actually pro-sex because He is the author and designer of it (Genesis 2). Sexual intimacy is a complete package deal created by God for the enjoyment of couples within marriage (Heb. 13:4). This package includes things like seduction, allure, desire, satisfaction, and pleasure. God isn’t shy about this either!
He gave us the entire book of Song of Solomon to illustrate the beauty of seduction and sexual enjoyment within marriage.
In our new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationship, I share this:
“Many Bible scholars believe Song of Solomon is the actual love story between Solomon and his first wife (the Shulamite maiden). This beautiful love poem begins with the ‘courtship’ phase of the relationship, ￼where the couple expresses and reciprocates their love for each other (see 1:2–3:5). Then their love story moves into the wedding stage, where the bride and groom cleave to one another and share their first night of sexual passion together (see 3:6–5:1).
And then, finally, the end of the poem paints a vivid picture of their marriage, showing the realities of a couple working through conflict, restoration, and growing in grace together (see 5:2–8:14). Song of Solomon is a candid and beautiful love story that should ￼prepare us and get us excited about God’s design for sexual passion within marriage.”
God’s good plan is for us to enjoy the gift of sexual intimacy (and all that goes with it) within the beautiful context of marriage.
Even though we have strong sexual desires before marriage, God promises to give single women the strength to live a pure life if we seek Him (Psalm 118:14). God created us to be sexual beings from the moment we’re born and He knows our longings. We can trust that He will supply us with the strength we need to live righteously and walk in purity.
Psalm 118:14 says, “The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation.”
Psalm 119:9 says, “How can a young man [or woman] keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.”
Rather than embracing feminine beauty in the wrong ways, God is calling us, as Christian women to use our femininity in ways that will bless and serve those around us (Gal. 5:13-14).
Rather than being seductive and alluring, we should strive to radiate the beauty of Christ through our genuine love for others and desire to walk in purity.
I was convicted of this after that night out with my friends. God opened my eyes to see how wrongly and selfishly I had been using my feminine beauty as a single woman. I was looking to guys to be my satisfaction rather than Christ. Deep inside, I was trying to fill my longings with a temporary solution. I learned that seduction, in the wrong context, never satisfies long-term.
As one author says, “Seduction is a powerful tool to get a man’s attention…but at the deepest level of our heart, we desperately long for a relationship and to be cherished and loved by a man. Seduction doesn’t give us that.”
Seduction outside of marriage will always leave us empty and longing for more.
But seduction — within the beautiful context of marriage — will draw us closer to our spouse by fueling the intimacy we have with the one we’ve committed our lives to.
God’s ways truly are best. His plan for seduction and feminine allure within marriage are good. May God transform our desires and actions to be in line with His. May we live out our femininity (in every season of life) in ways that are truly beautiful and glorifying to God.
If you want to learn more about God’s design for love and marriage, grab a copy of our brand new book, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationship. If you pre-order by April 30th, you’ll also get the complete audiobook, coloring book, and verse card set for FREE!
Let’s chat below.
- In what ways are you tempted to use your feminine allure in selfish ways?
- How have you seen feminine beauty used in God-honoring way?