I’d never had a first date quite like this one.
Dāv and I weren’t strangers to each other. In fact, we were the opposite. We’d been hanging out in the same friend group for several years. Our group had traveled together, laughed together, cried together, and watched several members of the group get married and start families.
Dāv and I were close friends and we were both well aware of the fact that I was taller than him…and older than him. There are some things you just can’t hide in life.
Little did I ever expect him to ask me out on a date.
To our entire group’s shock and surprise (nobody had put the two of us together), Dāv asked me out to dinner and I quickly accepted.
Our first date wasn’t quite like your typical first date. We knew a ton about each other and I wasn’t interested in wasting my time or his time. I wanted to know his intentions and I wanted to get the elephant out in the open.
“Sooooo you know that I’m taller than you. I personally don’t mind, but what do you think about that? Does it bother you?”
That was the start of our dating relationship.
If you’re anything like me (tall and taller than most guys around you) you’ve probably had the thought about height differences run through your mind. Some tall girls feel like they could never marry a guy shorter than them. Some guys feel like they could never marry a girl taller than them.
Some girls pray for a man with godly character and finish every prayer with the words, “And please help him to be taller than me…”
I get it. I’ve totally been there. I can remember being in high school, praying for my future husband, and asking God to please make sure he was taller than me. Just a little taller than me would be fine. Nothing extreme.
I remember one of my summer camp church counselors telling me, “God cares about these little things. I’m sure He has a tall man for you.” As a high school girl, I was pretty confident that I would end up with a guy taller than me. I never thought I’d actually end up with and a guy that was shorter than me.
Fast forward a few years and my heart slowly began to change.
Instead of making height one of the most important things on my “list,” I began to place a higher priority on the man’s character. Slowly but surely I started finding myself attracted to a guy based on things like friendship, character, and other qualities that would truly last.
When Dav and I started our relationship, I can honestly tell you that our height difference wasn’t an issue for me. I was super attracted to him and loved him just the way that he was. I didn’t care that he was shorter. In fact, I liked the way that we “broke the mold” and didn’t fit inside the box. I liked the unique aspect of our friendship (including our height difference). I was so grateful to God that I had the opportunity to date a man with such incredible character. I valued Dav’s heart so much and I couldn’t believe that he was actually pursuing me. He treated me with such great value, respect, and love. I knew I was getting a treasure.
If you’re a tall girl like me (I’m 6’1 to be exact) I know how challenging this topic can be.
I’ve had many of you message me asking my thoughts on dating and marrying a guy who is shorter than you. Many of you have told me that you’re in a relationship with a shorter guy and you feel self-conscious. Some of you have even said that you’re not sure if you could ever actually marry the guy because of how insecure you feel being taller than him.
I get it. I can understand where you are coming from. I’m not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m going to share a few heart-checks with you to make sure your heart is in the right place. These heart-checks were super helpful for me and gave me the freedom to marry Dāv with joy, excitement, and a ton of attraction.
Guy Heart-Check Test
1. What is my view of myself?
This is so important. Do you view yourself through a biblical lens recognizing that your God created you fearfully, wonderfully and He loves you fully? Do you find your identity in God’s view of you rather than in men? Or, do you view yourself through the lens of social media, Hollywood, and your own critiques? If so, you’re going to face a lot of insecurity and you will crave the approval and acceptance of others.
Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
I encourage you to do a heart-check in this area. Ask yourself where you find your identity? Where you find your worth? Where you find your value? If it’s in anything other than Christ, you need to take some time to talk to God about it. The more you can align your view of yourself with God’s view of you, the more confidence and security you will have.
2. What is the purpose of my body?
Your body (and everything else about you) is not about you. God created you on purpose and for a purpose. He created you to experience a deep all-knowing relationship with Himself. You were created for God. To know Him, love Him and serve Him with all that you are. The more you can get your mind onto living for God’s glory and seeking to serve Him in all areas of life, the easier it will be to view your body as a tool to serve God. Your body isn’t about you. It’s about God.
1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”
3. What do I most value in a potential husband?
The more I began to live for God in my own life, the more I began to value a man who desired the same thing. Instead of placing so much initial focus on “sexual attraction,” I started to look deeper. I started to value things like friendship, his heart for God, what he was passionate about and more. Dav and I’s relationship started out as a total friendship. We weren’t interested in each other in a romantic sense at first. It wasn’t until we developed a deeper understanding of each other through friendship that we began to see qualities that we really admired. It was that admiration for one another that eventually lead to physical attraction.
The more you can align your heart to the things that God most values, the more you will find yourself attracted to a man that exemplifies those qualities.
1 Samuel 16:7 “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
4. Why do I care so much about what other people think?
This is one of the biggest hang-ups when it comes to the issue of height. Deep in your heart, you care about height because you think other people care and value their opinion of you. Why does that matter? Why does it matter so much what other people think about your height or his height? When it comes to outward appearance and physical attraction, it’s going to look a little bit different for every one of us. Don’t allow someone else’s attraction preferences to keep you from getting to know a really godly guy. The more you can free yourself from the petty opinions and preferences of others, the freer you will be.
5. Will I regret this decision in ten years?
I am beyond grateful that I didn’t allow the height difference to be a deal-breaker for me. Being married to Dav has been (and continues to be) one of the greatest joys of my life. I LOVE being married to him and could literally care less that he is shorter than me. I love how unique our relationship is. I love how our height difference inspires other couples to do the same. I can’t imagine my life without Dav and it saddens me to think of us not being together because of something as temporal as height.
Don’t allow the height issue to be the thing that keeps you from ending up with a really godly guy. You don’t want to look back ten years from now with regret because you passed up such a goldy man over such temporal and petty preference.
Keep your heart in check!
I encourage you to take this topic to God in prayer. Ask Him to reveal any areas of your heart that are not aligned with His. Ask Him to change your heart to desire a man who has a heart devoted to God. Ask God to give you attraction for the deeper more meaningful aspects of a man.
To help you think through the issues that truly matter, I’m giving you a FREE questionnaire. This is a list of 136 questions to use in a romantic relationship. This guide will help you to work through and talk through the issues that truly matter. It will help you to get to know the heart of the man and focus on areas that truly matter.