I remember the very moment it happened. It was a moment I never expected to face. A moment I had hoped and prayed wouldn’t become my future.
Around the 24 year mark, I found myself in one of the most daunting seasons of my entire life. I found myself heartbroken, lonely and facing a future of singleness that I seriously did not want to face. I didn’t feel like God was being good to me during that season. I felt like He was a good God to others but maybe wasn’t such a good God to me.
I wondered if maybe God had forgotten me.
Being a single woman in my mid-twenties was a hard season for me. I’m not going to sit here and pretend it wasn’t. It was painfully hard and often times very lonely. I absolutely cried my fair share of tears asking God to change my circumstances and bring me a man. A husband. Someone I could team up with and serve with!
I often couldn’t understand why God wanted to deprive me of such a good thing.
Instead of staying in that lonely state of fearful singleness, I decided to get serious about my future. I didn’t want to be the “old single” who sat around doing nothing because she was waiting for her prince charming to come along. I wanted to trust God so fully that He would help me to thrive in this season. I wanted to enjoy and fully embrace whatever God had in store for my future.
Do you find yourself in a season of feeling alone or feeling extremely single? Do you wonder if God’s forgotten you?
Maybe you wonder if you’ll be single forever!
I don’t claim to have all the answers, but what I do know, I want to share with you. If it’s been helpful for me, I figure it might be helpful for you as well. If you desire to trust God so deeply, that your future seems bright and your singleness doesn’t feel like “the worst thing on earth,” I challenge you to get serious about one thing. I want you to get serious about the word TRUST.
Truly trusting in God will transform your single years.
It was around the 24/25 year mark that I realized I needed to make some radical decisions. I couldn’t stay lonely and discontent. I couldn’t continue to doubt God’s goodness towards me. I had to get to know my God on a deeper level and learn to trust Him with my future. To be totally honest, I do not know where I’d be today if TRUST hadn’t become such a huge part of my life.
Thankfully, God brought me to a point of understanding a few important realities.
1. I’m not guaranteed a husband.
God never promises that we, as singles, will get married. Yes, He upholds it as a wonderful thing but, He doesn’t promise it to us. Instead of getting upset at God for not giving you a husband, ask Him to forgive you for blaming Him for your wrong expectations.
2. God is a good God (despite how I may feel).
It doesn’t matter if you think God is good to you or not, He is good because His nature is good. Not just good, but perfect. He wants you as His child and He is preparing a place for His children in Heaven right now. He sent Jesus so that each one of us could have a personal relationship with Him. He truly is like no other god in that way.
3. He is trustworthy and He is always the same.
Stop and think about Who God was in the past and who He promises to be in the future. He created us, saved us, wants a relationship with us, has a future for us, and desires to be with us forever. Think of David, Daniel, Esther, Ruth and so many others. He truly is for us. He is for you. Just because your life doesn’t look like you’d expect, doesn’t change who God is.
4. Truly trusting in God has the power to transform your single years.
A woman who learns to truly trust in God will have the ability to thrive in this season. If you can make Proverbs 3:5-6 the cry of your heart and the compass for your life, it will transform you into a content and joy-filled woman.
What do you want the next year, two years, or five years of your life to look like. If God continues to have singleness in your future, what do you want those single years to be filled with? Personally, I chose to thrive. I didn’t want to be a miserable old maid who hated life and hated everyone’s happy lives around me. I wanted to live life to the fullest and I wanted to serve God with all that I had in me.
It doesn’t matter if your 14, 19, 27, 36, or 49, you can make a change today!
You can choose to begin the journey towards truly trusting in God. You don’t have to wait another year. You can begin that new journey today.
As I say in my new book, Love Defined:
The foundational struggle for most single women typically boils down to one thing: a lack of trust. A lack of trust in the goodness of God. A lack of trust in the power of God. A lack of trust in the love of God. A lack of trust in the sovereignty of God. And a lack of trust in the plans of God. The moment we take our eyes off of Christ is the moment our hearts will begin to worry and doubt. If our trust in Christ is secure, our worries and concerns about getting married will quickly fade into the background.
I challenge you to open up your Bible to Proverbs 3. Read the passage and specifically focus on verses 5-6. Cry out to God and ask Him to help you. Ask Him to help you trust in Him more fully. Memorize those verses, write them down, and pin them around your bedroom.
Make those verses the meditation of your heart.
Those verses have been a guiding focus for me over the past 6 or so years. They’ve given me hope and have truly helped me to become to content and thriving woman I am today.
What about you?
Is your singleness dreadful or enjoyable?
What needs to change in order for you to thrive during this season?