I remember having my first ever crush on a guy. His name, “boy in jeans shorts.” Okay. That wasn’t his real name. I don’t actually know what his real name was. I just remember seeing him from a distance and falling in love.
It didn’t matter that I was just a kid at the time. My heart was swooning for this boy that always wore denim shorts. We never talked. We never even looked at each other. I just crushed on him contentedly from afar.
The years passed by and I soon became a teenager.
I was still somewhat content to crush on guys from a distance. A smile or a look in my direction was enough to satisfy me for a few weeks at least. It would give me and my girlfriends something to talk for a minute.
Then I hit my single years (life past my 18th bday).
I was no longer content crushing from afar. I wanted a relationship. I wanted my crush to notice me. To pursue me. To get to know me. And to maybe even marry me. I didn’t want a glance or a smile. I wanted a date. I wanted a relationship.
The day came when I found myself crushing on Dav (my now husband) hardcore. I liked this guy. He was fun, funny, kind, engaging, a great conversationalist, cute, and interesting. I liked being his friend. But after a while, I wasn’t content just being friends.
I wanted to go out. I wanted him to pursue me. I wanted a relationship.
Have you ever been there? Have you ever had a crush on a guy that you so desperately wanted to move past the crush phase and transform into a relationship? Have you ever had a crush on a guy, but you weren’t even sure if he knew you existed?
Crushes are simple and totally complicated at the same time.
On the one hand, it should be easy to deal with. If he asks you on a date, he likes you back. If he doesn’t, move on and consider the other options. But, it just doesn’t work that way. The heart is so much more complicated than that. It’s not as easy as telling yourself to move on if a guy doesn’t seem to show interest back. You can’t force feelings to go away with the snap of a finger.
If you find yourself in a situation where you’re really admiring, liking, dreaming, and hoping for a relationship with a certain guy, I have a few suggestions for you.
1. Why are you crushing on this guy?
Seriously, ask yourself what you find so attractive about this particular guy? Is it his character? Do you have a friendship with and know him on a somewhat personal level? Is it strictly his looks? What’s making your heart swoon and your heart beat faster?
If you don’t really know the guy, maybe you should make the effort to be his friend. Introduce yourself. Ask some questions. Get to know what he’s interested in and how he spends his time. The more you get to know him, the more you’ll be able to make an informed decision as to whether or not you should continue hoping for a relationship with him.
If your crush is based on his looks alone, I would strongly recommend taking your thoughts captive and not allowing yourself to fantasize about this guy.
2. Are you fantasizing about him?
It can be so easy to take our initial attraction and interest in a guy to a much deeper level. If we’re not careful, attraction can easily turn into hours of dreaming about a future with this guy. The dreaming can quickly turn into sexual fantasy and before we know it, we’re on the honeymoon. The only problem, it’s all in the mind.
If you’re in this place, I encourage you to repent and ask God to create in you a pure heart. Come up with a strategy to get your mind focused on something more God-honoring. Meditate on Psalm 51:10. Read a solid Christian book (Love Defined). Start a prayer journal. Find ways to occupy your mind and redirect your thoughts towards something more Christ-centered and pure.
3. Trust God with your crush.
Maybe you’ve done all the things. You’ve gotten to know him. You even have a friendship with him. You know for a fact that he’s an amazing godly guy. He seems awesome in every way… minus the fact that he hasn’t asked you out. Ahhh that’s the hardest place to be. When you like a really godly guy, but you’re not sure if he has any interest. My advice, be patient, and trust God.
Don’t manipulate the situation. Don’t spam his IG with dozens of messages. Don’t stalk his social media page. Don’t force it.
Pray and ask God to guide you both. Ask God for the strength to trust this area of your life to Him. Pray Proverbs 3:5-6 and meditate on it. If this guy is genuinely interested, I can guarantee that he will eventually speak up. And if he doesn’t, he’s not the one for you. Open up your hands and surrender your crush. Trust that God wants what’s better for you than you even want for yourself.
4. Focus on serving God.
When you focus on serving God, it helps you keep your mind on eternal things. It keeps you living and thriving. It keeps you doing what you’re made to do. Using your life to serve God is one of the best solutions to dealing with or getting over a crush. Don’t believe me? Try it for yourself.
Remember that having a crush isn’t a good or bad thing in and of itself. The attraction is a good and normal part of God’s design for us. It matters what you do with that crush. Don’t allow your feelings to lead you, choose to lead your feelings. Choose to direct your thoughts.
Choose to honor God in this area of your life.