It was one of those winter days where you’re never quite warm enough, unless you’re curled up in a big bed with a soft blanket and a good book.

I didn’t have anything else to do, so I pulled the covers all around me, and instead of a book, I chose my journal. I had been thinking a lot about character qualities that I would look for in a future husband, so I chose that as my topic, and began writing.

In a sense, I was writing out my “husband wish list.”

As I wrote, a realization struck me, and the words of a sermon by Andy Stanley came to mind: “Are you who the person you’re looking for is looking for?”

Ouch.

That hit right between the eyes. Am I living what I’m writing? Am I living up to the standards that I’m setting?

I pondered for a moment. Convicted. I knew the truth.

So many times I get caught up in the thought that my future husband will be this guy who is practically perfect in every way. He’ll be so amazing that I won’t have to work on being extremely selfless or humble because he will just be so perfect.

My husband will be this wonderful knight in shining armor. Right? A man who turns to the Bible when he needs guidance.

He’ll be a man of prayer. Selfless. Brave. A great leader. A provider. A hard worker. Right? I mean, isn’t that what we’re supposed to look for in a husband?

Let’s paint a word picture.

You’re holding a bar. Your future husband is standing there, and you begin raising the bar. Higher. Higher. It’s really high now. There is no way this guy is gonna be able to jump this thing, but you look at and talk to him like he should be able to easily launch himself over it.

Suddenly, he comes up, takes the bar from your hand, and lifts it. High. Than he tells you to jump over it with the same urging that he received. You give him a look like, “Are you crazy? You expect me to jump that?! There’s no way!”

Get the picture?

I was expecting my future husband to meet specific standards that I’m not even close to meeting.

I come up with a mental lists of “character qualities that are mandatory for my future husband to possess” and yet, I don’t even come close to some of them.

NOTE: I’m definitely not saying to settle for a lukewarm guy with no goals or convictions. We just have to be sure that what we expect others to strive for, we ourselves are striving for as well.

Maybe you have a list.

Not a literal list that you have taped to your mirror, but a mental list. Maybe it’s that he’s humble. Or a great communicator. Or maybe has a heart to share the gospel.

Those are GREAT things to pray for in a future husband, but we have to make sure that we aren’t expecting something of them that we don’t work on daily in our own lives.

Jesus said, “First take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye” (Matthew 7:5).

If I am holding the bar really high for him, why should I be surprised when I’m given that same hurdle?

We need to be holding the same bar just as high, if not higher, for ourselves. Do I turn to Jesus when in distress? Is prayer an important asset to my day? Am I selfless? Courageous? Am I a cheerful follower?

These are key questions to ask ourselves, but not just for our future spouse’s sake. This is what God desires in us.

Even if we remain single all our life, it doesn’t make striving towards holiness any less important.

Stop for a minute and consider that quote from Andy Stanley: “Are you who the person you’re looking for is looking for?”

• Do you have a written “husband wish list?” Do you have an internal list?
• Do you possess the character qualities you hope for in your future husband?
• Are you becoming the kind of woman your future husband would be excited to marry?

 *Guest post written by Liza Proch. FIY – Girl Defined is looking for 4 new guest posts to be featured on this blog in April 2015. Check out our Contact Page to read our guest post guidelines and to submit your post.

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