I’ll never forget that moment. The moment my brand new husband and I ran through the aisle of sparklers and hopped into our getaway car.
We waved goodbye and headed towards our honeymoon suite.
The drive from the venue to our honeymoon suite was filled with excitement, nerves and a sigh of relief. We were married. Husband and wife. We made it!
Looking back on those amazing two weeks in the mountains of Colorado, I can’t help but smile. We were newlyweds. Everything was so… new.
Every moment and experience was like a great big adventure.
Minus a few bumps along the way (canceled flights, lost luggage, unable to find our Air B&B because it wasn’t listed on google maps, and the typical sinful/selfish heart. Don’t you wish you could just leave the selfishness behind sometimes lol) it was an unforgettable experience.
What I most love about my honeymoon is that is was my honeymoon.
It was an experience that my husband and I exclusively enjoyed together. Our honeymoon looked very different from my sibling’s honeymoons and friends honeymoons. And that’s okay. Every couple is different and every couple’s honeymoon will look just a little bit different.
There isn’t a one-size-fits-all honeymoon package.
Even though no two honeymoons will ever be the same (because no two couples are the exact same), I do believe there were a few things that were especially helpful for Dav and I. I don’t share these with you as a “professional” honeymoon coach. I share these as friend-to-friend in hopes of preparing you to more fully enjoy your honeymoon.
These are just a few things that really helped me prepare for and enjoy those first few weeks of marriage.
1. Find a Role-Model to Mentor You.
You may be wondering what in the world finding a role-model to mentor me had to do with having a great honeymoon. It had everything to do with it! Think about it. You bring yourself on your honeymoon. The more mature, spiritually grounded, and confident in Christ you are, the better your honeymoon will go. Unfortunately, you don’t get to leave your selfishness, sin, and pride behind when you go on your honeymoon. The package of yourself comes with. Instead of relying on feelings and ecstasy to transform you into a perfect person, put in some work to become the godly woman you desire to be.
I personally found it very helpful to be mentored by a godly older woman in the months leading up to my honeymoon. I was able to ask questions, work on mindsets, prepare proper expectations, etc. Those months of investing in my spiritual maturity and character were totally worth it!
2. Have the “Talk” with a Trusted Woman.
In the weeks leading up to my honeymoon, I had some incredible girl-to-girl convos with a godly and wise married friend of mine. She was able to talk me through some of the “unknowns” of sexual intimacy and point me in a good and healthy direction. Preparing your heart and mind for sexual intimacy is so important. I developed some incredible mindsets from those conversations that still serve me in my marriage today.
Sadly, the messages surrounding sex in the culture are not very helpful or realistic. They don’t set newlyweds up for success. I think they reduce sex down to a bodily experience and put a lot of undue pressure on the couple. Instead of bringing those unhelpful mindsets into your honeymoon, find that godly married friend (who you feel 110% comfortable with) to talk things through. She can also be your go-to person if you have questions while you are on your honeymoon. It’s always nice to have that person to call when you have a question or concern.
I would also encourage you to read Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart. Understanding a biblical perspective on sex and sexuality is crucial!
3. Work through Expectations
Dav and I were very intentional with these conversations and made sure they were kept in moderation and with counselors. They were crucial though. I think it’s so important for you and your soon-to-be husband to work through expectations (and REMOVE any unhelpful ones). Instead of just assuming that you are both on the same page when it comes to things like “the wedding night” communicate about that (in the right setting of course & godly couple included in those convos recommended).
Dav and I both agreed that our honeymoon was a journey and a new experience. We didn’t put any pressure on ourselves to achieve a certain experience on the first (or second or third) night. Our goal was to love each other and enjoy these first few weeks together. We didn’t allow the expectations or pressures of others to direct our honeymoon. When people ask me “how was the first night?” I tell them that it was perfect. Does that mean that we had sex? Maybe so and maybe not. That’s for Dav and me to know and for the rest of the world to not know. Why? Because that really doesn’t matter. There should be no pressure on newlyweds to follow a certain timeline.
It’s a new journey. Just enjoy the ride.
4. Focus on Enjoying the Journey
There can be so many details and things that need to be done for the wedding and honeymoon, that we often forget to enjoy the process. Many brides go into their wedding stressed and that carries into the honeymoon. I would strongly encourage brides to relax, surrender your expectations, and trust God. Don’t worry about every little detail. Most of your guests won’t remember them anyway. Instead, focus on the fact that you are entering a covenant with the man of your dreams. You are about to marry your best friend. Allow your mind and brain to put away the checklist and just relax. The more you can relax and give your expectations to God, the freer you will be. Don’t allow the “details” or “expectations of others” to distract you from the bigger picture.
The more you can focus on the purpose of the wedding (entering into a covenant with the man of your dreams) the better prepared you will be for your honeymoon.
5. Spend More Time on Your Marriage Than Your Wedding
It’s absolutely crazy how many hours-upon-hours couples will spend preparing for their wedding day (ONE DAY), but spend so few hours preparing for their marriage (A LIFE LONG). The wedding will come and go but the marriage should last a lifetime. Considering that life is already complicated enough as a single, don’t you think it makes sense to spend extra time preparing to marry someone? Some people may think that Dav and I are were a little excessive in our preparation, but I think it was the best decision ever!
We decided to go through pre-engagement counseling and pre-marital counseling. We asked a godly pastor and his wife to do our pre-engagement counseling (to make sure we should actually take that next step) as well as our premarital. We also went through some premarital prep directly through our church. We read a lot of books, had a ton of convos, got a lot of counsel, and were well prepared for the first few months of marriage. I personally believe the investment we put into our engagement and marriage was SO worth it!!
I just want you to prepare well.
Your honeymoon is one of the most special moments of your new marriage. I want you to have an AMAZING time. I think with the proper preparation and mindset, that is totally possible!
Again, I encourage you to read Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart to better prepare for this future day.