“So timely. It makes so much sense. Sometimes I feel like I’m crazy lol…”
“…I know and agree with everything that was said, but it was good to hear it from someone else at a time when I really want to be held and loved by a guy. It’s nice to know I’m not alone on this journey…”
“SO GOOD!!!! Thank you! I’ve always struggled with having crushes on guys…”
These are a few of the comments I received on one of my articles that was recently published (Why You’re Looking for Jesus in Your Boyfriend) This article’s main idea was to point girls to Christ’s perfect love instead of a guy’s imperfect affections. While I do believe that only He can satisfy us, which I pointed out in the article, I also believe that most men and women are designed for marriage—and even for the romance, infatuation, and sex that marriage entails.
At the beginning of the article, I shared a story about me desperately wanting to be noticed by a guy who didn’t even know I was alive. Apparently, based on the comments I received, this story resonated with other young women. They could relate to my feelings and longings.
Some of the comments I received actually broke my heart.
The reason my heart hurt was because it seemed like thecommenters could only express their feelings in the comments section under my article. Was that the only “safe” place for them to share how they truly felt about guys and relationships? My story of longing and loneliness was their story, too.
Did someone teach these young women that it was strange or unspiritual to want a guy’s attention? What sermon, youth group lesson, or Bible study told them that wanting Christ would cause them to never want a boyfriend? What ministry leader, pastor, or teacher said they shouldn’t desire to get married, date, or have sex?
That isn’t right.
In fact, I want to spread the opposite message—that our desire for guys’ attention and love is completely normal. It’s part of our DNA.
And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said,“This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:22-25 ESV)
God—our sovereign and holy Creator—designed us to marry.
And we probably wouldn’t want to get married if we didn’t have emotions, would we? Our desires and longings for guys to notice us and love us are met in marriage.
“…Your desire shall be contrary to your husband, but he shall rule over you.” (Genesis 3:16).
The footnote in the ESV version says “shall be contrary to” may also be “shall be toward.” So, perhaps our desire for male attention (and, ultimately, for a husband) is also a result of the Curse. The consequences of the Fall affect every area of our lives—including our relationships with guys.
We experience feelings toward a guy that seem unbearable, crushes that make us obsessed and urges for sex that can’t seem to be quenched. I think those are results of the Fall. Sin skewed the way we think, feel, and act. But that doesn’t make us dirty for wanting a boyfriend.
It’s not abnormal to have a crush on a guy. It’s not unspiritual to want him to ask you out. It’s not crazy to want to marry him.
Girls, our emotions, thoughts, and bodies are wired for having a husband and for every step along the way.
Maybe I’m just the weird one. Maybe I’m the only one who has strong feelings toward guys. Maybe I’m the only one who wants him to date me, kiss me, and marry me.
But I have a strong inclination that I’m not the only one—and neither are you.
No matter what you read in a Christian magazine, hear in a youth group lesson, or see in a faith-based movie, you’re not crazy for wanting a boyfriend. You’re not alone in how you feel. God designed us for this, and our craving is even stronger (and sometimes seemingly unbearable) because of sin’s consequences.
Please don’t believe the lie that you’re the only one who feels this way.
One day, when God deems best, you’ll need your emotions and desires to connect to your husband. For now, don’t be ashamed of them. You’re not weird, crazy, or unspiritual. You’re a woman, and that’s how God created you.
GUEST BLOG: Grace M. is a college student, a blogger, and a writer. She enjoys spending time with her family, chatting with friends, and eating cookie dough. She writes about the Christian life at Tizzie’s Tidbits of Truth.