I (Bethany) was chatting with my small group leader one night after Bible study. She is in a relationship getting to know a very godly man and of course I was curious to know the scoop.
Time cut us short and we weren’t able to finish our conversation.
Later that evening she sent me an email giving me more details and attached this list of 10 things she’s learning through her current relationship.
I loved the wisdom that she offered in her ten points and I just couldn’t keep it to myself. I asked her if I could post the list as a blog and to my delight she said yes.
Note: For a full rundown of our personal beliefs about dating vs. courtship, check out this blog post.
10 Things I’ve learned from dating a godly man
You must wait on God to provide direction and next steps. This may take much longer than you could imagine, make sure you spend time on your knees. Make sure that you understand that the time things take is allotted by God, not by the person you believe to be “waiting” on.
2. Guard your heart
Your godly guy friend will guard his heart, make sure that you guard yours as well. Be mindful and prayerful before investing too much of your heart, energy or physical affection. Go at God’s pace. Wait on Him.
3. Prayers are answered
All the prayers that you prayed, about doing God’s will, and wanting a person who will align to your desire of pleasing God, those are answered, and you may not like it as much in practice as you thought, or as books describe.
4. You will be led
This means, you will have to submit your will and desires to God first, and secondly to the person you are entrusting the process to. Being led in a world of female independence, of microwave results and fast pace solutions, by a man who is unwilling to adjust to your timing, preferences and expectations, just for your sake is very hard. It’s humbling and a reminder that love is not about yourself.
5. God is in control
God will have the control – Not you, and not the other person. This will be so incredibly painful. Be prepared. It will also be incredibly satisfying and rewarding; because God will provide a peace like you never experienced. He will reassure you and guide you. He will continue to guard your heart.
6. There will be consequences
If you dated/courted ungodly men before, this will not be the same, it is so much better. Of course your flesh and worldly views will constantly pressure you to be anxious. Remember that God is making you new, and preparing you for a better purpose than what you see today.
7. It is not about you!
The purpose of a godly relationship and potential marriage is not about you, it’s about how you and that person can serve in the kingdom. Therefore, if you allow God, He will strip you from your self-righteous thoughts and ideas. He will take down your insecurities (YES!). He will take you to the cross and show you what love is about. He will rid you from selfishness, self-centeredness, vanity and anger. He will show you who you are and humble you. All this because He has a plan for you that is better than all your fairy tale dreams. That is to serve Him and love Him above all things and all people.
8. Authentic Love
Love is patient, love is kind, it does not envy, it is not proud. Love believes the best, loves the truth, doesn’t boast, is not quick to get angry – Once you learn this, you’ll think twice before you say “I love this man.” You will be forced to go back to your knees and be equipped to love by the Author of love in the same way He loved you. In being equipped, you will have supernatural ability to forgive, you will give freely, you will expect less and give more.
9. Keep your emotions under control
The combination of being a woman and the world’s views from our “girlfriends” perspective can be pretty terrible. The world teaches a love that is self-centered, what’s in it for me?, I’m the only one, I have the right, me, me, me… This is not biblical and is not justified in any circumstance. So how am I supposed to deal with my emotions when they come flowing fast as a river through my mind and heart? How do I respond to this current that doesn’t leave me a choice?!
Well, you do have a choice: repress them, swallow them, bury them. Ignore them, sing over them, pray Bible verses loudly. Call a friend who you are accountable to. Do this time and time again, you’ll fail sometimes, you’ll fall into the game. Don’t give up. It will get better…one day, you will just realize that the things that use to bother you, don’t anymore. The must haves and unreasonable expectations, and even the reasonable expectations not met by your partner, are easier to forgive and forget. A dear friend once told me, “The only thing you do have to control in this relationship is yourself and your emotions.”
10. All you need is God
When I was single, I learned that all I need is God. When I started to date, I had to learn that all I need is God. The world has made us believe that we need someone in order to be someone. Therefore, when that “someone” comes, we deposit our full attention, identity, thoughts and energy into them. We expect the same from them, or more. We expect white horses, red roses, starry nights. We expect romance and full satisfaction of our smallest desire, thought and wish. This becomes non-negotiable, and causes a pressure on yourself that is exhausting. It also pressures the man and makes him feel inadequate half of the time.
This has to be the hardest lesson, yet, the one that will free you the most. Crave it. Seek it. Do not give up in your dedicated, wholehearted search to make God your all, your only, your best, your go-to, your first. When you allow God to become the center of your attention, you will be free and you will free that person. All of the sudden, you will realize that it is not in your strength that the relationship will go on. You will breath in the comfort that God is taking care of things, that if this is meant to be, it will be. It will make you a flexible person with a much better attitude and joy. You will stop judging His level of interest or His willingness to “rescue” you. You will feel certainty, that no matter what happens, God has you, and He is not going anywhere.
You will not be disappointed – how could you be? God doesn’t change. He never cuts you short. He will only give you those things (and people) that in His perfect purpose He has prepared for your good.
What wise wisdom and insight Sabrina shared with us. Which of the 10 points resonated with you most and why?
This guest post was written by: Sabrina Gonzalez