Dāv and I just hit the 8-month mark. That’s an extremely short amount of time in the big scope of things. I get that we’re not going on the big 10, 20 or 30. We haven’t even hit our one year anniversary.
Honestly, that’s why we’re writing this blog.
Being a newlywed is one-hundred percent fresh on our minds because… well… we’re currently newlyweds. There’s something valuable about us opening up and sharing our experiences while we’re still in this stage. Yes, there is a ton of value from those who have walked the road and can look back and say “here’s what we did right and here’s what we did wrong.” There is also a unique value from couples who are in the midst of that season.
We remember being newlyweds like it was yesterday because it was.
This blog’s title was actually borrowed from the title of the breakout session that Dav and I will be teaching at the upcoming Girl Defined Conference on August 2nd and 3rd. If you want a chance to see the two of us in person and get your questions answered on the spot, we’d love to have you join us!
Grab all of the details and register here.
Let’s jump into your questions. These are all pulled from a Q&A from Dav and mines Instagram account @davandbethy. Let’s dive in.
Newlyweds Answer Your Questions about Love, Purity, & Marriage
Question #1 – How Do You Intentionally Pursue Loving One Another After the Wedding?
I love that word intentionally. That’s truly the key in all of this. It takes intentionality. The two of us have found godly influences and examples especially helpful in this area. Having godly couple friends, mentors, and accountability in place helps to keep us on track. Instead of staying stagnant and building unhelpful habits, those people truly help us to grow and keep moving in the right direction. Dav and I listen to a lot of podcasts, sermons, audio books etc. Those also help to keep us thinking, growing, and learning. I highly recommend reading The Meaning of Marriage by Tim Keller. Super helpful stuff!
Question #2 – Do You Ever Feel Like Your Personality is Annoying to the Other?
Don’t we all feel like that (single or married) at some time or another? To be honest, it probably is every now and then. Not because our personality is annoying, but because the sinful/selfish side comes out and that ain’t pretty. I think the goal is to focus on exemplifying the fruits of the spirit more and more. The fruits of the spirit (love, joy, peace, patience, kindness) are anything but annoying. God calls all of us to love those around us in spite of our personality type. Two AMAZING books to read to help with personality and “annoyingness” are Lies Women Believe and Lies Men Believe. These books really help unpack wrong ways of thinking and help us become who God designed us to be. From the inside out.
Question #3 – How to Change Your Mindset about Sex from Singleness into Marriage?
I love this question. What a crucial topic to think through before getting married. If you’re single, I strongly encourage you to gain a biblical view about your sexuality right now. You are a fully sexual being. Don’t wait until you get married to uproot wrong ways of thinking. Gaining a biblical understanding of God’s amazing design for your sexuality is crucial. Dav and I did a few things to help us make this mindset shift well. We each found a godly married person (a woman for me and a man for him) who helped us walk through this mental shift before getting married. We each had the opportunity to ask questions and align our thinking with scripture. We also got pre-marital counseling and read some great books on the topic. A few books that you might find helpful. Rethinking Sexuality, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart, Sex and the Single Girl.
Questions #4 – How do You Navigate a Husband/Wife Desiring Sex at Different Times?
Dav and I have made the topic of sex a very safe and comfortable conversation. We talk about our thoughts, feelings, and concerns. This has been huge in keeping sex a beautiful and sacred part of our marriage. I think the trouble comes when you stop communicating about sex. I personally recommend finding a mentor couple (who you greatly admire) that can walk you through the nitty-gritty details of your marriage. Dav and I have those people in our lives and they are extremely helpful. In the end, our goal is to love and serve the other. I want to love Dav and he wants to love me. When we communicate well, that makes for a beautiful sexual relationship.
Question #5 – Has Your Age Difference Been an Issue at All in Your Marriage?
Not really. I don’t think. Every couple comes into marriage with some differences. Whether it’s cultural, age, background, education, job, or something else, we all have differences. No two people are the exact same. I do think it’s important to be wise about those differences. I am older than Dav by about 5.5 years. Our marriage works well because Dav is spiritually mature, a hard worker, and is constantly growing. If Dav weren’t that way (if he were immature, lazy, not spiritually grounded, etc.) that would make it really hard. I encourage you to know the guy’s heart. See what he’s all about. Sometimes a 25-year-old can be more mature than a 35-year-old. It just depends on their relationship with God and the people they’ve chosen to surround themselves with. Take note of those things before entering into a serious relationship.
Questions #6 – How do You Make Sure that Christ is Your All-in-All?
This is so hard. Isn’t it? I don’t think this comes easy to anyone. Our sinful, selfish, fleshly sides are always wanting to idolize earthly people or things. It’s not our natural desire to put Christ first and make Him our all-in-all. I think this takes 1. A personal relationship with Jesus. We need the power of the Holy Spirit enabling us with His strength. 2. A consistent habit of being in the Word and talking to God through prayer. 3. A biblically sound church community to help us stay on the straight and narrow. All of those things matter for singles and for marrieds
I so wish we had more time to talk.
This blog is already long enough so we will have to cut it off here. There is still time to ask more questions! Come see Dav and me on August 2nd and 3rd at the Girl Defined Conference. You can sign up for our breakout session when you register!
I’d love to see you there.
Which questions would you add to the list?