Imagine kissing the love of your life for the first time ever…in front of 1,000 people.
Yep. That was me.
As I turned to face my brand new husband at the foot of our wedding altar, I knew the moment of truth had finally arrived. Neither of us had ever kissed anyone before, and we were about to give a rookie smooch with a thousand faces watching.
As the pastor excitedly announced, “You may now kiss the bride…for the first time!,” one pressing question flashed through my mind. “Do I tilt my head to the left or to the right?!”
Before I had time to figure it out, I found myself engaged in the most wonderful, beautiful, and special kiss of my entire life…with my new husband (that’s us in the image above).
I’ll never forget that moment.
And I haven’t regretted it for even one second.
Was I good at it? Nope. But it didn’t matter. I was sharing the most amazing moment with my brand new husband and I didn’t care what anybody thought.
Waiting to kiss until my wedding day was obviously an extremely countercultural thing to do. In fact, it’s shocking for most people. Whenever I tell my love story to a group of girls, their jaws almost hit the floor when I talk about my first kiss.
Apparently, my story is a lot more shocking than I realized.
So, why did I save my first kiss? Why did Zack save his first kiss? Why did we forgo the pleasure of lip locking during our entire single years? Why did we choose to be such countercultural “weirdos?”
Those are all great questions! However, I’m not going to write a lengthy post to answer them because they’ve already been answered on our blog. For more about the “why,” I encourage you to hop over and check out Bethany’s insightful post called, Should Christian Girls Kiss Before Marriage?
What I want to focus on in this post is whether or not I have EVER regretted saving my first kiss.
I’ve actually had people ask me if I regret it, and it’s a fair question. After 5 years of marriage, have I ever looked back on my single years and wished I had kissed earlier, younger, or more frequently?
In short, not once.
I honestly don’t regret my “extreme” decision to save my first. In fact, I would endure all the waiting again if I had to.
The reward and blessing of kissing ONE man has been overwhelmingly worth it for me.
Here’s a few reasons why I don’t regret saving my kiss:
1. No unwanted memories.
Since I’ve never kissed anyone except Zack, I have zero unwanted memories of passionate and sensual make-out sessions with other guys. I don’t ever have the fear of running into past boyfriends (who are probably married now) and recalling intimate memories with them. I don’t know what any other man’s mouth tastes like except for my husband’s. And for that, I am grateful.
2. No comparison.
Since I’ve only ever known one man’s kisses, I have nothing to compare them to. I have NO idea if Zack would be considered a “good kisser” or not in regards to Hollywood’s standards. And you know what? I don’t even care! I have nothing to compare it to and I love that. I get to enjoy my husband for who God made Him to be with fewer temptations to compare.
3. No lip-locking regrets.
Since my kissing history doesn’t extend beyond marriage, I have no regrets when it comes to my lips. I’ve never, ever had to struggle with regretful thoughts like, “I wish I hadn’t kissed that guy…” or “why did I make out with that one guy?!…” or “I hope I never run into that guy.” You get the idea.
4. No sexual baggage.
Since God designed kissing to be the natural catalyst for more, it’s easy for an “innocent” kiss to escalate into much, much more. Since I never kissed prior to marriage, it made it much easier for me to stay on the straight and narrow when it came to purity. I was able to avoid an entire arena of sexual temptation by keeping my lips to myself.
5. No list sharing.
A lot of pre-marital relationships begin with sharing their “lists” with one another. You know what I mean. “Who did you kiss, how far did you go with so-and-so, what happened with that one person, how many times with that other person, etc.” Thankfully, Zack and I entered our marriage with a clean slate. We had no history of engaging in any sexual activity with anyone. We got the joy and blessing of enjoying everything together for the first time.
So, no. I don’t regret my decision at all.
Choosing to wait until marriage to kiss was one of the best, and most rewarding decisions I made as a single girl. Was it always easy? No way. It was really hard a times. But with God’s help and the accountability of my family, I made it.
Now, I want to be clear that I’m far from perfect and I don’t believe saving your “kiss” is the answer to everything. The “why” behind this decision must be built on a biblical foundation. The motivation for me wasn’t based on a list of rules, but out of a desire to honor God with my purity, and out of a desire to give my future husband my very best.
If this topic intrigues you and you desire to learn more about God-defined romance, I have good news for you.
Bethany and I wrote an entire chapter on the topic of true love and romance in our new book, Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity. I can’t encourage you enough to grab a copy and learn more about God’s design for your love life.
And one final word regarding kissing and sexual activity. Regardless of where you’ve been and what you’ve done in your past, God can redeem your future! There is no better time to get back on track and honor God with your purity than right now. Check out this helpful post for more.
Now I want to hear from you!
- Do you view kissing as a casual action, or something special and sacred? Why?
- What other benefits do you see in waiting to kiss until marriage?
PS I want to personally invite you to join us this summer for an 8 week LIVE book study in June and July! Come be a part of our amazing online community of Christian girls from around the world as we discuss relevant topics, just like this one.