I clearly remember the day that I went from being “single” to being in a relationship with Zack. It was so exciting, exhilarating, and strange all at the same time. All of a sudden I had this amazing guy in my life. He wanted to get to know me. I wanted to get to know him.
Neither of us knew if our relationship would result in marriage, but we were anxious to find out. After ten long months of intentionally getting to know one another, seeking wisdom, and praying a lot, it became very clear that marriage was the next step for us. Eeeek! We were giddy with excitement!
With both of our families and friends on board, Zack and I got engaged, and then got married eight months later!
Going from singleness to engagement to marriage was a spectacular and challenging journey…all at the same time.
One of the most common questions that I hear from single women like you is, “How do I go from being single to getting married in a God-honoring way?” Or, “What advice would you give on how to go about the relationship process?” Or, “Should I date, court, or do something in between?”
If you haven’t read my other post called, “Dating and Courtship: Is One Better Than the Other?”, go read that first, then come back to this one.
In this post, I’m going to break down some of the essential elements that Zack and I had in place to help us navigate our relationship process in a God-honoring way. If you desire to transition one day from singleness to marriage in a God-honoring way, I encourage you to build your relationship on these foundational elements as well.
But before we jump in, I want to share with you the number one thing that made the biggest difference for Zack and me.
Intentionality.
Zack and I didn’t enter our relationship lightly or casually. We were intentional about every single step of the journey.
I can’t challenge you enough to be intentional about every step of your relationship journey too.
Don’t do anything without thoroughly, carefully, and wisely thinking through it. If you desire to honor God throughout your relationship process, then you must be intentional in everything you do between now and then.
If your end goal is to marry a godly man and have a God-honoring marriage one day, then always keep that end goal in mind. Make sure that the guy you’re with, the principles you live by, the boundaries you establish, and the decisions you make are pushing you toward that goal (not away from it).
With “intentionality” as the basis for all of your decisions, let’s dive into the 5 essential elements that will help you navigate from singleness to marriage.
How to Go From Singleness to Marriage in a God-Honoring Way:
1. Keep Christ at the center.
If glorifying God is truly your heart’s desire, then you must be intentional to keep Christ in the center of your relationship (Mat. 6:33, Col. 3:16). This will only happen if you and your guy spend quality time alone with God in prayer, Bible reading, Scripture meditation, and worship. By keeping Christ at the center of your heart’s affections, you will naturally keep Him in the center of your relationship.
2. Seek outside wisdom and counsel.
Surround your relationship with as many wise and godly people as you possibly can (Prov. 12:15, Prov. 3:13). Seriously. This is so essential! Whether it’s your parents, siblings, mentors, pastor, or godly friends, seek outside wise counsel every step of the way. Then choose to humble yourself and listen to their advice.
3. Don’t put the cart before the horse.
Take the relationship one day at a time and don’t rush things. Time is your best friend. Don’t be so anxious to “get more serious,” or to get engaged, or get married without allowing time to run its course (Phil. 4:6, Lam. 3:25). Get to know this guy with patience and discernment. Red flags and pitfalls are only (typically) revealed in time. So move slowly and keep your eyes wide open.
4. Establish helpful boundaries.
Setting up boundaries in my relationship with Zack helped both of us make it to the altar with our virginity in tact. Not kidding! Sexual temptations are strong during the relationship process, so don’t plunge forward without setting up boundaries (1 Thess. 4:3-5, Rom. 13:14). For more on this topic, read my previous post titled: How Setting Up Boundaries Saved My Virginity.
5. Be prayerful about every step.
Pray, pray, and then pray some more. Surround your relationship with prayer on a daily basis. And ask others to pray for you as well. Who you choose to marry is the second most important decision of your entire life (outside of Salvation), so take the relationship to God in prayer (Phil. 4:6, James 1:5, Prov. 3:5-6). Ask God for strength to honor Him, to fight for purity, to give wisdom in decision making, to give clarity and direction, to open your eyes to blind spots, etc.
If you desire to honor God throughout the relationship journey, I can’t encourage you enough to take those 5 essential elements to heart.
Choose to pursue your relationship Christ above all else. Seek outside wisdom and counsel. Don’t rush the relationship process. Establish boundaries. Make time to pray every single day.
By being intentional now, your relationship journey from singleness to marriage can be done in a beautiful, God-honoring way. And trust me… it’s worth it!
I’d love to hear from you below.
- Which of the 5 elements from above did you find most helpful?
- If you could add a 6th element to my list, what would it be?
