Race, Identity, and the Gospel

We approach this conversation with heavy hearts and have been asking God to give us wisdom and humility to respond publicly in a helpful way. We love the Girl Defined Sisterhood and the beautiful diversity of color and ethnicity that is represented here in the US and around the world.

Our hearts are so broken over all racial division, discrimination, and hatred. We also know that God’s heart is deeply grieved by all acts of violence and partiality against His image bearers.

We desperately need the hope of the gospel right now.

We hope this conversation with Kim Cash Tate and Chizzy Anderson is helpful as they bring the gospel to bear on important issues of racism, identity, and reconciliation.

June 3, 2020 by Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal

What to do When Your Thoughts Turn Suicidal

It’s not an accident that you’re reading these words right now. If you’re wrestling with suicidal thoughts, I am so glad you’re here. If you’re not wrestling with suicidal thoughts, I am still glad you’re here. Your life matters. The fact that you’re taking the time to read this post right now is a sign that deep down, you believe that too.

Your life is not an accident. You are seen by your loving Heavenly Father. In this moment, you are deeply loved by the God who created you and knows you by name (Matthew 10:29). He sees you. He knows you. He cherishes you. He’s aware of your pain (Psalm 56:8). And He wants so much more for your story than suicide.

I may not know you personally, but I am praying for you as I type these words.

I deeply care for you, too. If I could reach through this screen and give you a huge hug right now, I would. I want to see you live the abundant life that God has for all of His children (Psalm 16:11). Although I’m not a health professional and this isn’t a comprehensive post on this topic, I pray it will help you push the pause button for just a minute, and give you enough courage to take the next right step. Sister, your life is worth it.

If your thoughts are turning suicidal, here’s what I urge you to do right now:

1. Talk to Someone Immediately

If you’re a Christian wrestling with inner thoughts of suicide, you might be feeling too ashamed to tell someone. Maybe you believe the lie that Christians shouldn’t struggle with dark thoughts…but that’s just not true. Christians are humans like anyone else. All humans face struggles. All humans wrestle with sin. All humans experience brokenness. Choose to reject the lie that it would be shameful to tell someone about your struggle. You are not alone in this.

The best thing you can do right this minute is to speak up and tell a trusted and mature person about your suicidal thoughts. If you can’t bring yourself to tell someone you know, call the suicide prevention lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK. The worst thing you can do for yourself is to stay quiet and try to figure this out on your own. You need help. You need the strength of others. That’s why the Bible says, “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2).

You weren’t created to bear this weight alone – but nobody can help you carry this burden unless they know about it. Please take a quick moment right now to share your struggle with someone.

2. Remind Yourself that this Present Darkness isn’t Permanent

Is there a dark cloud looming over your head? Do you feel depressed, anxious, lonely, or worthless? I don’t know what you’ve been through, but God does. He sees you and cares deeply about your pain and heartache. He sees your tears (Psalm 56:8). He wants to draw you out of this dark place and plant your feet on solid ground once again.

In moments of intense darkness where suicide seems like the right solution, remind yourself that these dark feelings aren’t telling you the truth. They’re lying to you. They are not from God, but from the enemy who wants to destroy your life (1 Peter 5:8). You must remind yourself that this present darkness isn’t permanent. The way you feel right now isn’t necessarily the way you will feel forever. By God’s grace and with His help, you can get to a place where your heart feels joy, hope, peace, and happiness once again. God’s heart longs to “give light to those who sit in darkness and in the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace” (Luke 1:79).

Don’t make a permanent decision to end your life during this dark moment. Remind yourself that these feelings aren’t forever, and that there is light and hope to be found again. Cry out to God in prayer and ask Him to help you take the next right step.

3. Journal Your Thoughts to Process What You’re Thinking

Feelings can easily become dictators if we let them. Your suicidal feelings want to take you down a dark and deadly path right now, but you don’t have to listen to them. As strong and overpowering as your thoughts might be right now, God has given you the strength in Christ to resist their dark urges (1 Cor. 10:13). Maybe your thoughts feel dull, blank, and lifeless. Either way, taking a moment to write down whatever you’re thinking will help you process what is happening. Seeing your thoughts on paper will help you process externally what is happening internally.

Grab a journal or any piece of paper nearby, and write out your response to the following questions:

What am I thinking right now?
What happened that caused these dark thoughts to come into my mind?
What is making me feel sad or depressed right now?
What is one positive thing that I actually like about my life?
What would God want me to do right now?

4. Cling to the Promise that God Sees You and Loves You

No matter how unloved, alone, and worthless you feel right now – that is not the truth about who you are. Your truest identity isn’t determined by your feelings, but by the loving God who made you. Your life matters to God because He created you and chose to bring you into this world. Your life isn’t an accident. The Creator of the world handcrafted you when you were a tiny baby in your mother’s womb.

Do you believe the words of Psalm 139:16-17? “Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”

Don’t throw your life away. God has plans for you, sister! Maybe even this dark season will be a part of God’s greater story for you someday. Imagine the power of your testimony being shared one day to help others who are struggling! Don’t give up.

I am praying for you and cheering for you right now.

I care about you and want God’s best for you. If you do nothing else, please take these 4 steps seriously. For some additional helpful resources on this topic, I’ve linked some great content below and encourage you to check them out. You can also download this beautiful printable featuring 15 verses to give hope during hard times. I’ve also added the national suicide prevention numbers below as well. Sister, you are loved! Your life has immense value and worth in God’s eyes. Choose life this day.

Suicide is Not the Solution

Dealing with Depression and Doubt

Why Should I Not Commit Suicide?

National Hopeline Network: 1-800-SUICIDE

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-TALK

For hearing and speech impaired with TTY equipment: 1-800-799-4TTY

Español: 1-888-628-9454

National Child Abuse Hotline: 1-800-4-A-CHILD

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN): 1-800-656-HOPE

Photo Credit

June 1, 2020 by Kristen Clark

Three Me-Free Questions for the Girl Who Wants to Stop Comparing

FREEBIE: Download Shannon’s “Heart-Steadying Reminders for the Comparison Girl” which includes screensavers, prayer cards, story templates, and more.

I was in a car with a group of my college friends, and Jen was telling her embarrassing story about falling on her boyfriend’s ankle during a volleyball game. The ankle was sprained, the boyfriend was on crutches, and Jen was mortified.

I said jokingly, “What does it mean if a 130-pound-girl can sideline him?”

Jen turned to me with instant horror and said, “I am not 130 pounds.”

Now it was my turn to be mortified.

“Oh, sorry…” I said, with immediate embarrassment. I had not meant to offend Jen. I figured her to be about my size and I did weigh 130 pounds—which apparently was horrifying.

Over the next days, then weeks, I mulled over Jen’s response. There were times that I would recall her look of disgust and formulate a defensive argument, which I would present into my bathroom mirror: So what are you saying, Jen? Do you think less of me because I weigh more?

Other times I would recall Jen’s look of disgust and cringe, withering with humiliation. Is it obvious to everyone that I weigh more than Jen? Was I foolish to think we were the same size? What sort of fresh horror would coat Jen’s face if she found out what I weigh?

Now I must say, if the number “130” showed up on my bathroom scale today, I would probably dance with glee. That hasn’t happened in a couple of decades, but here’s what has: I’ve come to see the measure-up comparison as a trap, which always pulls me back into me-focus.

It’s true that comparison starts with glancing sideways at a friend, a sister, or a stranger on Instagram. But invariably my attention returns to myself.

Not a Game

It’s interesting that we call comparison a “game” because our enemy thinks of it as a tactic to use against us. James, the pastor of the Jerusalem church, wrote a letter to some people who were comparing. In response to their jealous sideways glancing and their selfish, get-ahead agendas, James wrote, “This is not the wisdom that comes from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic” (Jame 3:15).

In other words, these Christians were being influenced by wisdom—just not God’s. Friends, Satan is no dummy. He knows that if he can drive us to prove we measure up, or feel ashamed because we don’t, the last thing we’ll want to do is link arms together, roll up our sleeves, and get back to work serving the Lord.

Measure-up comparison distracts and divides us. It consumes our thoughts, eats away at our confidence, and keeps us from the life God intended. But thankfully, Jesus came to give us that life back.

Living Me-Free

When Jesus came, he encountered people who were comparing just like we do. He interacted with Pharisees, tax collectors, sinners and disciples who were all glancing sideways and measuring themselves. And how did Jesus respond to people who were elbowing past each other, or shrinking back in shame?

Jesus invited every single one to be part of his kingdom, where things stack up differently. It’s a place where lasts become firsts, and firsts become lasts. In Jesus’s kingdom, the greatest is the servant, and the one who humbles herself will be lifted up. Jesus came modeling a life of great value in the kingdom. He invites us to follow Him and live as He did—emptying ourselves out and lifting others up.

This me-free living that Jesus invites us to is the only way to break free from the me-focused measuring of the world.

Three Me-Free Questions

Are you a Comparison Girl—always obsessing over a comment that someone made about you, or some detail that makes you wonder how you measure up? Do you long to sidestep the enemy’s comparison traps?

Here are three questions for the girl who wants to stop comparing and live me-free:

1. Am I just too focused on me?

When we compare, our focus inevitably boomerangs back to ourselves. Think of all the calories I burned, obsessing over what Jen’s comment implied about my weight. The truth is, Jen didn’t say a word about my weight; she reacted to something I said about hers. See how I took an offhanded comment and turned it into a self-absorbed obsession?

Next time, you’re tempted to stress, worry, or wonder, “How do I measure up?”, swap that question for this one and ask, “Is there a chance I’m just too focused on me?”

Simply asking the question takes the first set of plyers to the enemy’s chains of comparison.

2. How can I be vulnerable?

We usually keep our measure-up obsessions private. Whether we’re secretly enjoying the view from the top of the stack, or cowering in shame on the bottom, we prefer to do so from behind locked doors—which is where we become an easy target for the enemy.

Picture me there, locked in the bathroom, delivering my speeches to Jen in the mirror. What if I had chosen to make myself vulnerable instead, and shared my 130-pound inferiority complex with a trusted friend? Sometimes when we bring our measure-up obsessions out in the light and allow another Christian to speak truth, the situation shrivels up before our eyes. We realize how ridiculous it was to let our enemy taunt us with something so insignificant.

Measure-up pride will always keep us locked up in isolation. But if we humble ourselves enough to be vulnerable and invite help, it can turn the latch on freedom.

3. Who can I focus on instead of me?

We live in a measure-up world, full of likes, filters, and shares. Measuring ourselves and comparing it is as natural as breathing air. But even though Jesus came to set us free, I think it’s interesting that he never said, “Come follow me, and I’ll teach you not to compare.” Instead, he taught us how to start asking, “Who can I focus on instead of me?”

Me-free living is what guards us against me-first comparison. For when I turn my attention to lifting someone up, I naturally stop trying to lift myself up to be noticed. When I bend down to serve someone, I naturally forget to measure myself against her. When I put someone ahead of myself, I naturally stop trying to get ahead of her.

Christian Girl, are you tired of being consumed with measuring yourself against others? Jesus invites you to sidestep the enemy’s comparison trap and live me-free.

FREEBIE: Download Shannon’s “Heart-Steadying Reminders for the Comparison Girl” which includes screensavers, prayer cards, story templates, and more.

GUEST POST: Bestselling author and speaker Shannon Popkin loves to blend her gifts for storytelling and humor with her passion for God’s Word. Shannon is the author of Comparison Girl, Control Girl, and Influence. She also contributes as a blogger at Revive Our Hearts.

Shannon is from west Michigan and is happy to be sharing life with Ken, who makes her laugh every single day. Together, they have the joy of parenting two college students, a high schooler, and two adorable shih tzus. For more from Shannon, please go to shannonpopkin.com, or connect with her on Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram.

photo credit

May 25, 2020 by Guest Blogger

Christian Girl’s Guide to Becoming an Influencer on Social Media

Have you ever opened up your social media app, stared blankly at the screen, and wondered what in the world you should post? You sit there trying to brainstorm for a few minutes, but nothing inspiring hits you. So, you mindlessly browse the feed for a bit (which somehow turns into an hour). Then you close the app feeling a little guilty and a lot discouraged. You want to use your social media accounts in a more intentional way, but you’re just not sure how to do that.

Ever been there? I sure have! And to be honest, I still find myself in that “uninspired and sort of lost” place from time to time. Social media hasn’t been around that long, but most of us are on it because it’s the normal thing to do. But once we’re on there, we get flooded with more content than we could ever possibly consume, and we begin to wonder what our purpose is for being there altogether.

I had a conversation just the other day with a friend that sounded very similar to what I described above.

She was feeling a little lost and a lot uninspired on her Instagram. She wanted to have fun with her account while also being intentional, but she felt confused about her purpose and goals. We chatted for a few minutes, and by the end of our conversation she felt a little more clear on the direction she wanted to go.

My hope in writing this post is to do just that for you. By the time you finish reading this, I hope you’ll feel a little more inspired and a lot more clear about what your purpose and goal is for being on social media. And if you’re not on social media at all, that’s totally fine too! Bravo for your. It’s not for everyone. And don’t feel bad about that either.

For those of you who are on social media, you’ve probably heard the term “influencer” used a lot, right? When you hear that term, you might picture an influencer as being someone with a large social media following who regularly collabs with big brands. Yeah? They most likely have a beautifully crafted account with perfectly curated photos. Sure. And that’s fine. But what if I told you that becoming an influencer isn’t determined by your number of followers?

What if I told you that every person on social media is an “influencer.”

Before you laugh, hear me out. An influencer (at its core) is just that — someone who influences others. Right?

So that means if you have more than 0 followers, you’re an influencer. And those people who follow you (whether it’s 10 or 10,000) are being influenced by what you do on your account. Every time you post a photo, write a description, film a video, or share something, you’re influencing the real people who follow you.

So the first big mindset shift I want you to have with your social media is to view yourself as an influencer.

You are an influencer whether you like it or not. Now here’s the next question: What kind of influencer are you being? What are you posting? What are you saying? What are you sharing? That’s what matters. And if that’s where you’re feeling stuck, keep reading.

I want to offer you some practical tips that really helped me think through my own personal Instagram account (@krstnclark). I’m still learning and growing in this, but the following tips and questions have really helped me figure out my purpose and direction for my account.

1. Figure out your purpose.

What sort of things do you feel passionate about? What do you love? What are you good at? What gets you fired up? How do you want to encourage others? What are you learning? Answering these types of questions will help you figure out what your focus and purpose should be on social media.

Is your account going to be a lifestyle account? Okay, make a list of the things you want to post about. Is your account mainly about family? Okay, make a list of the types of things you want to share intentionally? Is your passion sharing spiritual encouragement to others? Okay, how could you do that in a natural way while incorporating your real life? Maybe you have a skill that others would love to gain knowledge from? Maybe your account could be focused on equipping others?

Just start brainstorming. The first step toward gaining clarity is to nail down your purpose. Spend some time thinking and praying about it, then write down 3-5 sentences describing your new purpose.

2. Post about what you’re already doing in real life.

People are drawn to people. What you post on social media can simply be an extension of what you’re already doing in real life. Don’t overthink it. What are you doing in everyday life? How does your purpose (from above) intertwine with your real life? Incorporate that into your social media accounts, and post about it!

3. Remember, the mission hasn’t changed.

As Christian women, our greatest purpose is to share the gospel and make disciples (Matthew 28). This should be our ultimate goal as we consider our influence on social media. Now, this doesn’t mean every post has to be filled with verses and spiritual thoughts. But even if your passion is something like DIY projects, there is a way to creatively bring your faith with you into that area. Take some time to think about how you can beautifully and naturally intertwine your faith into your accounts.

4. Pick your style.

Have you noticed the variety of styles out there? Think about your social media presence the same way someone would approach decorating their living room or bedroom. Each person has their own preference for colors, style, arrangement, and look. Social media is the same way. How do you want to “decorate” your feed? What editing style do you love? What colors do you like? What patterns can you establish? What filters appeal to you? Figure out your style, then stick with it for a while to give your feed a consistent look.

5. Have fun!

Don’t get stressed out about it. Have fun with your account and make changes whenever you want. Look around and get ideas from other inspiring Christian women. If you’re not excited about what you’re posting, then chances are, other people won’t be either.

In the end, remember this: social media is a tool that can be used for god or bad. Choose to use it for good! Use it in a way that encourages others and brings God glory! You are an influencer, so use your influence for you.

And for those who are feeling hesitant about social media altogether — remember this: social media isn’t for everyone. You don’t have to stay on there if you don’t want to. You have the freedom and liberty to leave anytime you want. If it’s a burden in your life, don’t carry that burden any longer if you don’t have to. Take a break or just choose to leave it altogether. Trust me, you won’t miss anything beyond what you can actually live out in real life.

I’d love to hear from you below!

How can you use your social media presence to influence others intentionally?
What would you add to my list of ideas? Share with us below!

For daily encouragement, follow us on social media @girldefined. 🙂

Photo Credit

May 18, 2020 by Kristen Clark

Hope for the Girl with a Canceled Graduation

You’ve been looking forward to this day all year.

This is the moment you’ve worked your tail off for. The moment you get to walk across the stage, accept your diploma, and throw your hat in the air. The moment everyone in your life will tell you “congrats grad.”

Sadly, this special moment has been torn away from most graduates this year.

I know that this is really really hard for you. It’s really hard because you can’t reverse time and you won’t get a “redo.” Your graduation will be missed and life will move on.

How should seniors deal with this disappointment? Is there hope for the girl who won’t have graduation this year?

May 13, 2020 by Bethany Beal

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