Christian Girls’ Biggest Fears with Being Single

My biggest fear was that I would be single forever.

“No. Not that. Anything but that, Lord! I can handle anything. Just don’t make me be single for my entire life.” I remember praying that prayer on many different occasions as a single gal.

I took to Instagram to ask you what your biggest fears are as a single and here’s what a few of you had to say.

“Being the odd one out in my age group.”

“Others thinking that I need to find someone.”

“People will treat me differently or not trust me to do the things that married people can do.”

“Never having sex and being able to have those God-given desires met.”

I also took to Instagram to ask what encourages you most as a single.

Watch the video to hear your best advice.

June 24, 2020 by Bethany Beal

When You Don’t Want to Trust God with Your Singleness

Friday night was here and I found myself sitting alone in my bedroom…again.

This was not a new occurrence in my life. I was single and Friday nights seemed to make that painfully obvious. Year and year after this was my story. I didn’t want to be single. I tried to get around groups where I thought I could meet a godly guy.

My efforts led to nothing.

Throughout this season, I often turned to Proverbs 3:5-6 which says, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Those verses were comforting to me. I knew God was ultimately guiding my steps and that I could trust His plan for my life. I memorized those verses. I wrote them in my journal. I prayed for them. I made them the cry of my heart. When I was feeling sad, lonely, and like my current reality would be my future forever, I soaked my heart in Proverbs 3:5-6

Over the years I’ve shared this verse with other singles and explained how it’s helped me so immensely. While it has encouraged some single gals, it’s fallen flat with others. I’ve realized that many singles do not want to trust God with their love life or with any other sensitive areas in their life.

They don’t actually know God and as a result, they don’t want to trust Him.

Why would they want to entrust one of the most personal areas of their lives to a God they don’t really know?

I’ve realized that before we can really apply Proverbs 3:5-6 to our lives, we have to rewind and gain a proper view of God. Once we have a proper understanding of God, we will then be able to interpret Scripture rightly. Let’s unpack who God says He is in Scripture so that we will know who this God is that we are trusting.

Who does God say He is according to Scripture?

1. He is the CREATOR

“In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth. – Genesis 1:1

2. He is ALMIGHTY

“I am God almighty – Genesis 17:1

3. He is COMPASSIONATE, MERCIFUL, SLOW TO ANGER, UNFAILING IN LOVE & PERFECT IN FAITHFUlNESS

“Yahweh! The Lord! The God of compassion and mercy! I am slow to anger and filled with unfailing love and faithfulness.” – Exodus 34:6

4. He is UNCHANGING

“I the Lord do not change. So you, the descendants of Jacob, are not destroyed.” Malachi 3:6

5. He is SELF-SUFFICIENT

“For as the Father has life in himself, so he has granted the Son also to have life in himself.” – John 5:26

6. He is ETERNAL

“Before the mountains were brought forth, or ever you had formed the earth and the world, from everlasting to everlasting you are God.” – Psalm 90:2

7. He is the ONLY God

“Therefore you are great, O Lord God. For there is none like you, and there is no God besides you, according to all that we have heard with our ears.” 2 Samuel 7:22

8. He is a PERFECT JUDGE

“The Rock, his work is perfect, for all his ways are justice. A God of faithfulness and without iniquity, just and upright is he.” – Duet. 32:4

9. He is a GOOD God

“You are good and do good; Teach me Your statutes.” – Psalm 119:68

10. He is the SAVIOR of the word

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

Knowing who God is can radically change your life. Knowing who God is, not who we think He is, but who He says He is in Scripture, helps us to better understand passages like Proverbs 3:5-6. When you read Proverbs 3:5-6 through the lens of those ten incredible truths about God, it really changes that passage.

The next time you find yourself struggling alone on a Friday night, I want you to pull up this post and read through it. Remind yourself of who God says that He is and then soak in Proverbs 3:5-6. Your heart will be so encouraged as you trust our good, compassionate, perfect, unchanging Savior with your worries.

I want to invite you to dig into this topic in a deeper way.

This coming July 31 – August 1st in San Antonio, TX is the Girl Defined Conference. If you desire to be challenged, encouraged, inspired in your understanding of God, I invite you to join us. You can get all of the details at girldefined.com/conference

IMAGE CREDIT

June 22, 2020 by Bethany Beal

9 Years of Marriage: The Good, Bad, and Unexpected!

Zack and Kristen are celebrating 9 years of marriage this week! It’s been an awesome journey for them with many ups and downs. In this fun and honest video, they share about the good, bad, and the unexpected that they’ve faced along the way.

They also share some of their best advice at the end for single people and marriage people.

June 17, 2020 by Kristen Clark

What I Wish I Knew Going Into My First Year Of Marriage

I can remember it like it was yesterday: walking down the aisle, ready to start a new life with my soon-to-be husband. I was giddy with excitement and full of nerves all at the same time. Not knowing what the future held we were ready to explore this journey together.

Fast forward a year, where had the time gone? We made it through the first year which is said to be the hardest year of marriage! Let me just say this, it was definitely not a walk in the park. Even though no two marriages are alike, there are things that I wish I knew before going into my first year of marriage:

1. That our relationship would change.

We had no idea that the transition from dating to marriage would change. We assumed that after we said I Do that we would continue on our merry way, but things did change. Those things that didn’t bother me while we dated became annoyances once we got married. No one told us that we would evolve on this journey even after a year. No one shared with us the importance of understanding each other’s love language. We got it now!

2. That marriage was not just about me.

Listen, this was a hard pill to swallow. “It’s my marriage and I want what I want when I want it”. How many of you have said that? That’s how I felt back then. I assumed that when we got married that it would be my way or no way. Selfish thinking- yeah, I know. I was so self-absorbed with what I wanted that I couldn’t hear or see his needs. I soon realized that this behavior had no place in our marriage and would hinder our marriage from growing.

3. That our different backgrounds would affect how we deal with marriage challenges.

This was a hard one. We struggled to reconcile our views on family and dealing with conflict. Our beliefs and attitudes caused additional tension and stress on our marriage. We had to learn to be more intentional explaining why we felt a certain way and to recognize that a difference of opinion wasn’t going to cause our marriage to fail.

4. Communication is more than just words.

Words are an important part of communication, but not the only part: body language, tone, and even what’s not being said all are important when communicating. This was so important for us to learn especially when dealing with conflict.

5. The importance of setting realistic expectations.

We went into marriage on a lot of assumptions. We didn’t talk openly about what we expected from each other or our marriage. I don’t think we knew to do it back then or even if we knew how to have that conversation. This is now a regular discussion item in our marriage.

6. The power of prayer.

This! Prayer has saved my marriage on so many occasions. I didn’t realize the impact that it would have on our growth as individuals and as a couple. We learned over the years that prayer is the ultimate love language.

I love who we are now even more than we were back then. Those things that we didn’t know prior to our first year hasn’t stopped us from becoming the couple God called us to be. I look at him now and still get butterflies. Those challenges have made us who we are today even after almost 31 years. I wouldn’t trade our experience for the world.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: My name is Keisha Bass. I was born in Georgia, grew up in Harrisburg, Pa and Wadley, Ga and I first met my hubby, Chris when we were in the 2nd grade. We talked off and on over the years, but didn’t get serious until our junior year and the rest is history. Chris is my biggest fan and my favorite person!

We’ve been married for almost 31 years, have 2 children- Lakia and Chris.

I’ve always had a passion to help couples grow in their marriage and help wives become the wife they desire to be. That’s why I started Her Dope Marriage. There you’ll get encouragement for your marriage, self-love, power of prayer, marriage affirmations, scriptures, and so much more.

God has allowed me to walk in this season to inspire and motivate women.

PHOTO CREDIT

June 15, 2020 by Guest Blogger

Hope for the Christian Girl Who’s Feeling Suicidal

If you’re wrestling with suicidal thoughts right now, I want you to know that God is bigger than your darkness. He is more powerful than your pain. He sees you. He loves you. He wants to help you.

You are not alone. God wants to pull you out of this darkness and set your feet on solid ground.

Although I am not a health professional or counselor, I pray this video will offer you a glimpse of hope in the abundant life God wants for you in Christ.

For immediate help, please call 1-800-SUICIDE.

June 10, 2020 by Kristen Clark

A Christian’s Response to Racism and Evil

“I hate those who are double-minded, but I love your instruction. You are my shelter and my shield; I put my hope in your word. Depart from me, you evil ones, so that I may obey my God’s commands. Sustain me as you promised, and I will live; do not let me be ashamed of my hope. Sustain me so that I can be safe and always be concerned about your statutes. You reject all who stray from your statutes, for their deceit is a lie. You remove all the wicked on earth as if they were dross from metal; therefore, I love your decrees. I tremble in awe of you; I fear your judgments.” (Psalm 119:113-120 CSB)

This passage of Scripture helps us to see and address the wrongness and evil of this world through the lens of Scripture.

How are we responding to all of the evil that we are seeing?

If you are truly a believer, then your weeping over sin and evil isn’t limited to a specific kind of sin or evil. For too long, I’ve found myself weeping over the racism that has been happening in this country, and now I’m weeping over the chaos that has ensued through riots and looting. We are continuing to sink more and more into sin and further and further away from God.

The bottom line is this: Wrong is wrong. Sin is sin. Evil is evil.

And God is not pleased with any of it! We are not qualified to redefine evil and unrighteousness under any circumstance. It’s God’s way or no way.

Ask yourself this, do you really love the things that God loves? Do you really hate the things that God hates? Or does your love and hatred vacillate based on factors outside of God? Are you double-minded when it comes to evil and wrong doing?

I’ve been drawn back to the chapter that I wrote in “His Testimonies, My Heritage: Women of Color on the Word of God” for the past few days. The chapter is entitled “When This World Is Wrong” and in it, I unpack how believers are to respond to sin, wickedness, and all that is evil.

The fact of the matter is that our world is plagued by sin. WE are plagued by sin. And although we’d like to think that we have all the answers and the ability to get it right, when left to our own devices we’d NEVER be able to do so. We need Jesus!

Lord knows my heart cries out for the lost.

It hurts to see the current state of affairs, but what hurts even more is knowing that many will die right here in unrepentant sin. Instead of falling on our faces before God, confessing our many sins, we stand proudly as if we are incapable of offending the only One who is wise and holy.

We downplay our proclivity to get it wrong and as a result, we fall deeper and deeper into sin. Evil is rampant and so many are woefully blind. Even worse, we often can’t even see our own faults because we’re too busy checking for everybody else’s.

I have found myself weeping profusely at the brokenness of this world, but even more than that, I am weeping at the lostness of man. We are arrogant, proud, selfish, foolish, disobedient, unloving, unforgiving, and a stench in God’s nostrils. Have mercy upon us, Father.

I pray that God will soften hearts and that many will be granted repentance.

If you are struggling to figure out your next move in regard to all that is happening today, I’d like to encourage you to first start with four simple things:

Repentance

Every day, in some way we offend the holy God; thus, there is always room for repentance. Take time to sit before the Lord and confess the areas of your life where you’ve sinned against Him and others. I cannot tell you explicitly what areas in your life call for repentance. But I can tell you that without repentance we as individuals and as a people on the whole, cannot receive the healing that we desperately need and can only be provided by the hand of God.

Pray

Prayer is (or should be) an essential component of the Christian life. The answers that we need to the many problems in life can only be achieved through the workings of God. Take time to pray and cry out to God. Our prayers can take many forms: Lament, Praise, Thanksgiving, etc. As you pray, remember those who are lost and do not know Jesus. Pray for the angry and frustrated. Pray for God’s mercy on this land. Don’t just say you’re praying, or “post” that you’re praying, but sincerely sit before the Lord and cry out to Him.

Love

We are commanded to love. God first, then our neighbors. Ask yourself this: “How well am I demonstrating my love for God and others?” Understand that loving well sometimes means laying down your rights for the sake of others. Practically, this can look like taking the time to listen to a friend share their thoughts and experiences. Or maybe loving well means forgoing the social media argument and simply praying for that person. When I think of what it means to love well, I am often reminded of 1 Corinthians 13. I urge you to read through that chapter and apply those biblical truths to your own life.

Proclaim

Every believers’ responsibility is to proclaim the Gospel throughout the land. Right now, people are in dire need of hearing Gospel truths. Furthermore, we need to know and teach the Gospel so that we can effectively make disciples. As believers, we can effect change to the glory of God by teaching others 1 by 1. Jesus started with 12, but we can start with just one. We don’t need a platform, web show, podcast, or anything else. Start within your area of reach and labor with each person that God brings to you. This is how we change the world and make a godly impact all to the glory of the Lord.

Guest Post was written by Portia Collins. You can find Portia Collins on Instagram @portiawcollins and @sheshallbecalled Grab a copy of His Testimonies, My Heritage.