Lessons I Learned From My First Year of Marriage

Lessons I Learned From My First Year of Marriage

The day went by in a blur. I tried my absolute best to enjoy every moment and soak up the day, but it went by so fast. Everything started and ended in what felt like such a short amount of time (thankfully the wedding was live-streamed so that I can go back and relive the ceremony anytime I want). 

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Looking back at photos from October 14, 2018, I so wish I could go back in time and relive each one of the moments.

I loved my wedding day. I loved getting married to David Beal. I loved our ceremony.

I loved our first hours together as husband and wife. 

The days, weeks, months, and now the entire year that followed my wedding day have truly been miraculous. God has been so gracious to David and me in blessing us with such a wonderful first year of marriage. I don’t mean wonderful in the sense that everything was “perfect.” I mean wonderful in the sense that Dav and I were both committed to loving each other with agape love (self-sacrificing) and made glorifying God the greatest goal of our marriage. 

To be honest, the first year was a lot better than I had anticipated. 

I thought it would be good, I married my best friend after all, but I didn’t know how sweet it could be. The more Christ is at the center of the marriage, the more satisfying and sweet it will be. 

Early on in our marriage, we adopted a few mindsets that truly set our marriage up for success. In talking with other older wiser married couples, I realized that these mindsets were/are crucial in helping David and I (and any other couple) maintain a joy-filled marriage. 

Marriage can be wonderful, or it can be really miserable. 

If you desire to set your current or future marriage up for success, I want to encourage you to begin working on these simple mindsets and habits right now. 

You don’t have to be in a romantic relationship to practice these. You can begin working on them with whoever is in your life right now. 

Two Simple Lessons I learned

1. Forgive Quick 

It’s that simple. Don’t hold onto things. Don’t stew in your hurt. Don’t let the sun go down on your anger. Don’t get upset over every tiny thing that happens. Have a forgiving spirit. Choose to overlook the little things and forgive the big things quickly. 

Holding onto unforgiveness only creates a heart of resentment and bitterness. When you choose to love your spouse as Christ loves you (with an unconditional and all-forgiving love), you create a space where genuine love can flourish. 

This is an area I want to continue to grow in. I’m inviting you to join me on this journey. Let’s ask Christ to make us women who forgive quickly. Women who overlook the little things. Women who realize how much we’ve been forgiven and in return extend that forgiveness to our husbands. 

2. Believe the Best!  

This is SO much harder said than done. Believing the best in someone takes focus, intentionally, and choosing to do so. It doesn’t come naturally. This mindset and habit will take time. It’s a habit that is cultivated. 

I find myself regularly tempted to believe the best about myself and believe the worst about my husband. It sounds awful, but it’s so true. That’s my natural sinful tendency. I give myself the benefit of the doubt. I give myself a second chance. I extend grace to myself. 

My marriage is so much more enjoyable and satisfying when I choose to extend those same qualities to my husband. I know he has an amazing heart and I trust him so much that I married him! I just need to remember to extend him grace and love even when my mind pulls me in a selfish direction. 

Those are the lessons! 

Simple, practical and a lot harder to do in real life. I’m committed to working on these qualities and I want to invite you to join me. If you’re single, I promise you that cultivating these qualities in your own life will pay huge dividends once your married The godly character that you develop as a single will come with you once (if) you get married. 

Which qualities would you add to my simple list of lessons? 

Are there any lessons you’ve learned that you think would make for a great marriage?

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My Journey of Trusting God Through Disappointment and Unfulfilled Longings

Some days you dance and some days you cry. This past year has been filled with both for me. Many of you know my story of infertility and the two early miscarriages Zack and I experienced 6 years ago. It has been a long journey, but God has been so faithful to give us peace, comfort, and even joy in the midst of our unfulfilled longings.⁣

But as we approached our 8 year anniversary a few months back, the most unexpected thing happened – I found out I was pregnant. ⁣

This news completely shocked Zack and me and we couldn’t believe it. My heart was filled with a mixture of emotions. Each day that went by felt like a small victory. I had never made it past 6.5 weeks of pregnancy with my early miscarriages, but this time I did. Zack and I went in for our 8-week appointment and heard the most beautiful little heartbeat⁣ measuring right on track. ⁣

But sadly, this joy wouldn’t last for much longer.

We found out at 11 weeks that the heartbeat had stopped. With broken and heavy hearts, Zack and I left the doctor’s office and headed home to grieve our new reality. The days slowly ticked by and were filled with tears, prayers, and questions. I’ve wrestled with God’s plan and asked Him “why?!” But as I’ve struggled and mourned and battled with my emotions, I have also been deeply comforted by the same God who promised to never leave me or forsake me.⁣

In the midst of my sorrow and grief, I know God is with me. I know He cares about me and loves me. And even in the midst of my confusion and pain, He is restoring my broken heart to a place of wholeness once again. Psalm 18:2 has been my anchor these past few months: “The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, my God, my rock, in whom I take refuge, my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”⁣

I know I’m not the only one wrestling with disappointment and unfulfilled longings right now.

Each one of us faces this in our lives at some point or another. It’s part of being human in a fallen and broken world. Maybe you’re wrestling with singleness and longing for marriage. Or suffering from ongoing physical health challenges. Or longing for a family member to know Christ. Maybe wrestling with the body and looks that God gave you. Maybe wishing you had one good, close friend. Or not getting the job or the school that you really prayed for. The list goes on. 

We’re all on a unique journey and it looks different for each one of us. The question isn’t “will I experience disappointment?” but rather, “how can I still find joy in the midst of my disappointment when it strikes?” 

This past year, God has been teaching me a lot about finding joy in the midst of disappointment and unfulfilled longings. I have learned that true joy and real suffering can exist at the same time. I want to share with you the 3 biggest ways that God has helped me to find joy in the midst of my struggles, and I hope these truths will equip you to find true joy in the midst of yours as well.  

1. Humbly Submit to God’s Story for Your Life. 

Discontentment and friction often arise in our hearts when we forget who holds the pen to our story. When we look around and begin comparing our story to others, we lose sight of the fact that God has every person on a different path. His timing is not the same for all of us. His plan is tailor-made for our individual journey and for our greater good. 

I wrestled with this deeply as I would watch friends and family easily get pregnant all around me while I was struggling to carry a pregnancy past 6 weeks. God gently worked in my heart and reminded me through His word that my life story is His to write. My life story is different than everybody else’s and God has a good plan for me. 

I had to remind myself of truths from His Word like, “I am God, and there is no other; I am God, and there is none like me…” (Isaiah 46:9b). And “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever…” (Psalm 138:8). Surrendering the reigns of our story to God is the first step toward true joy. 

2. Trust that God’s Plan is for Your Good. 

We live in a time where “good” means getting what you want. The “good life” is focused on personal happiness and making all of our dreams come true. But God’s version of good is the complete opposite of this. It isn’t surface-level and as flimsy as our mood. God knows that true and lasting satisfaction can only come from becoming more like Christ and by loving God more fully. Our circumstances are not the defining factor of our joy and hope. God’s version of “good” might look like allowing challenging circumstances into our lives that serve to remind us of our need for Him. 

Psalm 119:68 says, “You are good and do good; teach me your statutes.” And Ephesians 2:10 reminds us that, “We are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” Even in the midst of the most trying circumstances, we can find true joy in our relationship with Christ. 

3. Serve God Wholeheartedly Right Now. 

Many of us struggle with the weight of our disappointments so much that they become a barrier keeping us from moving forward. We begin to view our identity and life through the lens of our unfulfilled longings rather than our identity as a daughter of God. God wants us to lay our desires at the foot of His altar and offer them as a sacrifice of worship to Him. He wants to use us to build His Kingdom in unique ways right now.

Over the past 8 years, God has helped me to reframe my mindset about what it means to be “fruitful” as a woman. He hasn’t given me children of my own, so I have more time and energy to pour into the lives of young women in my community and through GirlDefined. Rather than dwelling on what I don’t have (children) I am striving to be faithful with what I do have (discipleship opportunities).

Regardless of my season of life, Matthew 6:20 has been an anchor for my heart, “But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

God has a unique and beautiful story for each one of our lives. 

His story is tailor-made for each of us and will look different than those around us. Sometimes our story is filled with joy and celebration, and sometimes it’s filled with tears and grief. But no matter what comes our way, we can confidently put our trust in the Lord because He is the author of our story. ⁣

When we fully trust God to write His story for our lives, we can look around and genuinely celebrate what He is doing in the lives of those around us. We don’t have to compare and despair, but rather joyfully celebrate His gifts and blessings that He gives to others. ⁣

Our hearts will be most content when we remind ourselves that we are not on this earth to build our Kingdom but to build God’s. And each of our unique life stories and journeys is a beautiful part of God’s greater and grander plan.

If there’s anything God has taught me these past 8 years it’s this: 

True joy and fulfillment don’t come from getting what you want, but from surrendering your entire life to what God wants and trusting that His plan is truly good. I know the journey isn’t over. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know the One who holds my future. And in Him my heart finds peace and rest.

I would love to hear from you below.

  • In ways are you having to trust God with unfulfilled longings in your own life right now?
  • Of the 3 truths I shared above, which one do you need to embrace more wholeheartedly?

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4 Attitudes that Keep Single Women from Thriving

She’s thirty-six, single, and thriving. If you had asked her as a twenty-one-year-old what her future would look like, she would have described a beautiful life filled with children, a godly husband, and Jesus. But that’s not exactly how her story turned out.

Despite her future playing out contrary to her dreams, Madga (our amazing Polish friend) has learned how to thrive right where God has her as a single woman.

However, this didn’t come without walking through some challenging valleys of surrender and trust.

Throughout her personal journey, Magda learned how to fight against the wrong attitudes that didn’t help her to trust God with her singleness. In this video, she shares exactly what those wrong 4 attitudes are and why so many single women fall into those same ditches today. She concludes by sharing how she found true hope by embracing the right attitude and how that helped her thrive in her singleness.

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Why You’re Looking for Jesus in Your Boyfriend

I’ve had a crush on a guy (I’ll call “Sean”) for over 3 years. It’s bad.

What’s worse is that we’ve only spoken one time. He picked up my grapes in the college cafeteria when I dropped them. I thanked him. End of story.

Somehow, I still have a hard-core crush on Sean. I stare at him from across the cafeteria at meals. I look up his picture in the college directory when I’m feeling lonely. I imagine us having this amazing relationship that would make you crazy jealous.

But it’s all fake. It’s all in my head.

Sean probably doesn’t even know my name. To him, I’m probably just another face in the crowd.

Sean’s never seemed to notice me—even though I’ve noticed him a lot. He’s never really paid attention to me—even though I’ve paid attention to him often. He’s never taken the time to get to know me—even though I’m more than willing to get to know him.

So why do I keep crushing on him?

Honestly, I keep hoping that someday Sean will notice me. Deep down, I hope there is more to Sean than his athletic build, deep brown eyes, and dreamy smile. I want him to love me.

I realize this might sound crazy. After all, we’ve never even met. However, as a woman, I have a deep desire to be known and cherished.

I long to be noticed, held, and loved deeply.

I expect him to make me happy, to complete me, and to satisfy my heart’s desire. But he never, ever will. Sean could never meet my high expectations.

Even if I officially met Sean tomorrow and he turned out to be an amazing guy, there would still be days when he wasn’t so amazing. He would still give into sin and be less-than-loving toward me. That’s how humans are—even guys who seem perfect.

So who will meet my high expectations? Who will know me and cherish me? Who will notice me, hold me, and love me deeply?

Jesus did—and He does.

He knew me before I realized how much I wanted to be known. He loved me before I ever asked to be loved. He cherished me before I truly longed to be cherished.

Friends, please don’t misunderstand me when I say that Jesus is the only One who can ever fill your empty heart. I’m not saying Jesus is a substitute for your future husband. I believe marriage is a part of His plan for most men and women.

However, I am saying that no guy can (or should) take the place of Jesus in your life. No one could know you more intimately. No one could love you more. No one could satisfy you more than Jesus can.

I keep expecting guys—especially Sean—to surprise me by suddenly loving me more than I could imagine. I admit that I’m living in a fairytale because Sean could never love me like that. As a fallen human, he’s incapable of loving me that much and that perfectly.

Jesus already loves me perfectly. I don’t need a guy to love me perfectly, too.

So why do we expect our crushes and boyfriends to be perfect? Why do we hope that their love for us will whisk us off our feet?

I think we’re trying to fill a void—a void that can only be filled by Jesus. We look for love from guys because we haven’t fully embraced God’s love. We look for acceptance from guys because we haven’t fully comprehended Jesus’ acceptance. We look for perfection from guys because we haven’t fully realized Christ’s perfection.

“Thus says the Lord: ‘The people who survived the sword found grace in the wilderness; when Israel sought for rest, the Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you” (Isaiah 31:2-3 ESV).

Friends, Jesus is more than enough for us.

No guy can ever measure up to Him. His eternal love and faithfulness toward us demonstrate who He is. You don’t have to look for Jesus in your crush or your boyfriend because you can know Jesus deeply.

-Is there a certain guy in your life who you’ve been crushing on or dating recently? What do you expect from him?

-Have you recognized Jesus’ immeasurable love for you? If not, I hope you’ll dive into His Word to read all the incredible promises He has for you.

GUEST AUTHOR: Grace M. is a college student, a blogger, and a writer. She enjoys spending time with her family, chatting with friends, and eating cookie dough. She writes about the Christian life at Tizzie’s Tidbits.

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7 Habits of a Strong Christian Woman

As Christian women, I think there’s an unspoken narrative playing in our minds that goes something like this: “Christian women shouldn’t be strong. Christian women shouldn’t be brave and courageous. Christian women should remain passive and mind their own business.”

This is false. Very false.

Just look at some of the godly women in the Bible. Esther was a strong and courageous woman (Esther 1-5). Or how about Abigail (1 Samuel 25)? That girl was brave. Just look at Mary, the virgin mother of Jesus (Luke 1-2). That girl had courage. The godly women of the Bible do not portray a picture of weak and wimpy womanhood.

There are many strong, brave, and courageous women in our modern culture, but sadly, most of them are fighting against God’s design, not for it. 

It’s time for us to get strong — the right kind of strong.  

It’s time we, as Christian girls and women, got a little fire in our bones for the things that truly matter. The things that matter to God. We serve a mighty King who is passionate about things like truth, life, marriage, purity, holiness, womanhood, manhood, and much more. With attitudes of reverence, respect, and humility, we should be on the front lines fighting for God’s design and purposes. 

I would LOVE to see thousands of brave, strong, and courageous Christian women rise up from our generation.

Our culture is in desperate need of godly women with passion and fire for God’s truth.

May our response be like the apostle Paul in Romans 8:31, “What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” If you desire to become a strong and brave girl for God’s glory, you can start pursuing that right now! In fact, to help you get started, I came up with 7 habits that you can put into action right away. 

I call these the 7 Habits of Strong and Brave Christian Women. Are you ready? Let’s dive in! 

Habit #1: She is a God-Defined Girl

She doesn’t allow the culture to define her worth, identity and value as a girl. She looks to God’s word for truth (Psalm 119:1-8). She understands that she is made in His image and handcrafted to look exactly the way she does.

She looks to God’s word for answers about her design and purpose as a female. She embraces God’s good design for gender roles and strives to live those out in her life. She is a girl who constantly strives to be defined by God’s word and nothing else.

Habit #2: She Prays Like it Matters

Girls who are strong for Christ become strong by realizing how absolutely weak they are. They understand that without Christ’s help, they are doomed to failure. Rather than getting caught up in the battles of the “flesh,” these girls take the battle to the Lord in prayer (Colossians 4:2).

They get on their knees and pray like it really matters. They fight the battles of this world by seeking the face of the God of the universe. They pray with expectant anticipation for God to work. They believe prayer changes people, so they take it seriously.

Habit #3: She Searches for Truth

This habit is crucial. Rather than “hoping” to make the right decisions in life, this girl searches for God’s truths (Proverbs 2:3-5). She is on a constant treasure hunt for God’s design and purpose in her life. Whether it’s guys, romance, her future plans, or how to love her siblings, she scours God’s Word for answers to her questions.

She reads solid Christian books (like this one and this one), in search for Biblical truths. The more truth her brain is filled with, the less confusing life becomes. She makes wise decisions and becomes passionate about God’s truth.

Habit #4: She Looks for Lies

Not only does a brave, strong, and courageous girl search for truth, she is also on the constant lookout for lies. She knows that her three greatest enemies are her flesh, the world, and the devil (1 Peter 5:8, James 1:14-15), so she keeps a careful watch for lies. She doesn’t blindly engage in entertainment, but rather carefully examines the content and worldview. She’s on the constant lookout for lies about her design as a girl, lies about God, and lies about her worth.

Habit #5: She Says No to Evil

A strong girl knows the danger of flirting with temptation and does all she can to avoid it and fight it. She knows how evil and seductive our world is, so she prepares ahead of time for the battle (Galatians 5:17). She doesn’t rely on her own strength but stays plugged into the source of strength (Christ) by building a daily relationship with Him. 

She firmly and boldly says no to sexual pressure, compromise, lies, and even half-truths. She doesn’t buy into the popular lies of our culture regarding things like abortion, sexual promiscuity, radical feminism, and the redefining of marriage. 

Habit #6: She Says YES to Righteousness

This girl loves God’s heart for righteousness and holiness and strives to live according to His word (1 Peter 1:16). She understands that being holy means being “set-apart” from the culture. Rather than following the popular trends and worldviews of the day, she chooses to put her hope and trust in the Word of God. She prays and asks God to make her more like Himself in character, thoughts, actions, and words.

Habit #7: She Does Hard Things

The final habit of a brave, strong, and courageous girl is clearly seen through her actions. She isn’t afraid to do hard things for the sake of Christ. Whether it’s sharing the gospel with someone, leading a girl’s Bible study, mentoring a younger girl, getting involved in the pro-life movement, ministering to her own family, or many other things, her life is marked by her hard work for Christ.

So there you have it! 

7 habits of string and brave Christian women. I pray you’ll join the ranks of passionate women living all-out for Christ in our generation. Becoming this type of woman is a life-long pursuit (I’m still on the journey!), but it’s one that will end with our Savior telling us, “Well done, my good and faithful servant” (Matthew 25:23). And there’s no better ending than that. 

Let’s chat about it…

  • Which habit do you find the hardest to pursue? Why?
  • If you could add Habit #8 to my list, what would it be?

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How to Trust God When Life is Really Challenging 

Do you ever find yourself struggling alone, crying on your bed, or just feeling depresses about your future?

This is a reality for most of us at some point in our lives.

We all go through hard times. We all struggle. We all face hardship. We all face loneliness. We all face the temptation to worry about the future.

When we face difficulty, what will we do with it? Where will we place our hope? In Christ or in something else?

To help us deal with the future in a helpful and God-honoring way, we need to learn how to truly TRUST God.

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