Feeling Worthless Because You Don’t Have a Boyfriend?

Feeling Worthless Because You Don’t Have a Boyfriend?

Have you ever thought any of these things:

“It seems like I’m the only girl out of all of my friends who doesn’t have a boyfriend and I feel really left out.”

“Why does it feel like my ‘relationship status’ on social media is neon light telling the world I’m not wanted?”

“Friday nights are really hard…it’s in those moments that I feel desperate for a boyfriend.”

Balancing the desire for a boyfriend while also seeking to trust in God’s timing can be really hard.

When you look around and see your friends in romantic relationships, it can be tempting to view your single status as a “less than” season. Feelings of worthlessness and loneliness can creep in and take you down a discouraging path of lies.

However, it doesn’t have to be this way. You — single girl — don’t have to fall into a pit of despair. In this video, we unpack 3 powerful truths to help you break down idols and fill your heart with true hope.

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Dear Single Sister, Don’t Settle (It’s Not Worth It)

Dear Single Sister, as you look around at your friends and see them in relationships, I know it can be  hard to stay content. I remember the feelings all too well myself. The loneliness can hit anytime and feel all consuming. Especially on the weekends when everyone seems to be going out with their significant other, except you.

In those moments, feelings of anxiousness and fear can creep in and capture your heart. Discontentment floods your perspective and you wonder if you’ll ever be able to find joy in your current stage of life. 

The temptation to “fix the problem” can be so strong.

I remember this too. The desire to take matters into your own hands can feel so compelling that you begin to think it’s a good solution. You feel so desperate for love and affirmation, that you begin to compromise on things that were once important to you. You lower the bar in hopes of expanding your options. Suddenly, you find yourself settling for any guy, even though you know he isn’t the best option. 

Sister, if you find yourself in that place of struggle and compromise, I want to offer you some practical words of caution from my heart to yours.

Don’t settle – it’s not worth it. 

Settling is never worth it. Don’t lower the bar for a guy who’s cute and charming, but lacks godly character and a genuine love for God. Don’t allow yourself to fall for a guy who makes you laugh, but cares only for himself. Don’t stay with a guy who says he loves you, but constantly pressures you to compromise. ⁣As satisfying as it might feel in the moment to be in a romantic relationship, the infatuation won’t last forever. 

I know the waiting is hard. I know the “single status” can feel like a heavy weight. I know the inner loneliness can feel overwhelming at times. But I also know that settling now won’t land you in a better place. ⁣When the fog lifts, and the infatuation fades, you’ll awaken on the other side in a place that you’ll probably regret. ⁣

Instead of settling for any guy, I urge you to consider a better path. 

Although singleness might feel like the heaviest weight right now, the answer to your inner longings isn’t found in a boyfriend. What your soul is truly craving for is love and acceptance. Your heart is longing for relational closeness.

This, my sister, can be found right now. You are loved so deeply by your Savior. You have a God in heaven who cares for you and has a good plan for your life. The Creator of the world knows you by name and holds you in the palm of His sovereign hand. You can trust Him with your longings. You can look to Him for your satisfaction. You can pour out your heart to Him in prayer. 

Psalm 138:8 is a powerful reminder of these truths. “The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.” When you find your heart struggling to surrender your desires to God, remember the promise of Romans 8:28 “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.”  

God sees you. His timing is always perfect.

He wants to use this season of loneliness to draw you into a deeper and more satisfying relationship with Himself. 2 Corinthians 12:9 is a powerful reminder that God’s grace is enough for you right now. “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”

If God has marriage in store for your future, He will bring the right guy into your life at the right time. Instead of settling now, wait for a godly man who knows what true and selfless love looks like. Wait for a man who loves God wholeheartedly and is eager to cherish and protect you. Wait for a man who would rather serve others than be served himself.

Wait for a man who will push you closer to Christ, rather than away. ⁣⁣

I personally know the value of a man like this because I’ve been married to one for over 8 years. My husband isn’t perfect, but he’s striving after all of those things and more. He was worth the wait. I’m so grateful I didn’t settle. Every year that I spend my life with Zack reminds me of how worth it it is to marry a godly man. ⁣

You’re not looking for perfection, just direction. Wait for a guy who’s life and character is moving in a direction that you want to follow. A guy whose words are an accurate reflection of his actions. A guy who’s biblical values are lived out in his choices. A guy who genuinely loves God more than anything else.⁣ This type of man exists, and he is absolutely worth the wait.

I am praying for you sweet sister. May your heart find encouragement from these words, and may your hope be fueled by the knowledge that the God of the universe cares for you deeply. He is trustworthy. He is faithful. He is perfect. Receive His love. Embrace His strength. Trust Him with your future. 

In closing, I want to encourage you to focus God’s truth rather than on your own feelings.

To help you do that, I created a free downloadable PDF that has 15 of my all-time favorite verses to help during hard times. I shared some of these verses with you above. Download this beautiful page and put it in a place that you’ll see everyday. By keeping God’s truth in front of your heart, you will learn how to cling to the hope of Jesus that lasts far beyond a Friday night date. I love you, sister, and I am cheering for you! —Kristen 

Download PDF 

PS If you found this post helpful and enjoy reading or listening to audiobooks, I encourage you to grab a copy of, Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships. This book offers practical help, spiritual encouragement, and some great laughs while giving you a biblical perspective on singleness and dating. 

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136 Questions to Ask in a Romantic Relationship

I (Bethany) clearly remember assuming that my boyfriend and I were on the same page about our beliefs and convictions. We didn’t take the time to ask the hard of questions and really get to know each other.

I made a lot of assumptions. Things didn’t end so well as a result. 

When Dav and I started our relationship, I didn’t want to make the same mistake. I compiled and created a list of 136 questions to help guide our conversations and make sure we actually talked through as much as possible while dating. 

This isn’t a magical list.

It’s not a “fool-proof” method or anything like that.

You are getting to know a real person, with a real heart, and real thoughts and emotions. The goal of this list is to keep you from getting completely emotionally attached without asking the important questions.

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Thoughts on Dating and Marrying a Shorter Guy

I’d never had a first date quite like this one.

Dāv and I weren’t strangers to each other. In fact, we were the opposite. We’d been hanging out in the same friend group for several years. Our group had traveled together, laughed together, cried together, and watched several members of the group get married and start families. 

Dāv and I were close friends and we were both well aware of the fact that I was taller than him…and older than him. There are some things you just can’t hide in life. 

Little did I ever expect him to ask me out on a date. 

To our entire group’s shock and surprise (nobody had put the two of us together), Dāv asked me out to dinner and I quickly accepted. 

Our first date wasn’t quite like your typical first date. We knew a ton about each other and I wasn’t interested in wasting my time or his time. I wanted to know his intentions and I wanted to get the elephant out in the open. 

“Sooooo you know that I’m taller than you. I personally don’t mind, but what do you think about that? Does it bother you?”

That was the start of our dating relationship. 

If you’re anything like me (tall and taller than most guys around you) you’ve probably had the thought about height differences run through your mind. Some tall girls feel like they could never marry a guy shorter than them. Some guys feel like they could never marry a girl taller than them. 

Some girls pray for a man with godly character and finish every prayer with the words, “And please help him to be taller than me…”

I get it. I’ve totally been there. I can remember being in high school, praying for my future husband, and asking God to please make sure he was taller than me. Just a little taller than me would be fine. Nothing extreme. 

I remember one of my summer camp church counselors telling me, “God cares about these little things. I’m sure He has a tall man for you.” As a high school girl, I was pretty confident that I would end up with a guy taller than me. I never thought I’d actually end up with and a guy that was shorter than me. 

Fast forward a few years and my heart slowly began to change. 

Instead of making height one of the most important things on my “list,” I began to place a higher priority on the man’s character. Slowly but surely I started finding myself attracted to a guy based on things like friendship, character, and other qualities that would truly last. 

When Dav and I started our relationship, I can honestly tell you that our height difference wasn’t an issue for me. I was super attracted to him and loved him just the way that he was. I didn’t care that he was shorter. In fact, I liked the way that we “broke the mold” and didn’t fit inside the box. I liked the unique aspect of our friendship (including our height difference). I was so grateful to God that I had the opportunity to date a man with such incredible character. I valued Dav’s heart so much and I couldn’t believe that he was actually pursuing me. He treated me with such great value, respect, and love. I knew I was getting a treasure. 

If you’re a tall girl like me (I’m 6’1 to be exact) I know how challenging this topic can be. 

I’ve had many of you message me asking my thoughts on dating and marrying a guy who is shorter than you. Many of you have told me that you’re in a relationship with a shorter guy and you feel self-conscious. Some of you have even said that you’re not sure if you could ever actually marry the guy because of how insecure you feel being taller than him. 

I get it. I can understand where you are coming from. I’m not here to tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. I’m going to share a few heart-checks with you to make sure your heart is in the right place. These heart-checks were super helpful for me and gave me the freedom to marry Dāv with joy, excitement, and a ton of attraction. 

Guy Heart-Check Test 

1. What is my view of myself? 

This is so important. Do you view yourself through a biblical lens recognizing that your God created you fearfully, wonderfully and He loves you fully? Do you find your identity in God’s view of you rather than in men? Or, do you view yourself through the lens of social media, Hollywood, and your own critiques? If so, you’re going to face a lot of insecurity and you will crave the approval and acceptance of others. 

Psalm 139:13-14 “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”

I encourage you to do a heart-check in this area. Ask yourself where you find your identity? Where you find your worth? Where you find your value? If it’s in anything other than Christ, you need to take some time to talk to God about it. The more you can align your view of yourself with God’s view of you, the more confidence and security you will have. 

2. What is the purpose of my body? 

Your body (and everything else about you) is not about you. God created you on purpose and for a purpose. He created you to experience a deep all-knowing relationship with Himself. You were created for God. To know Him, love Him and serve Him with all that you are. The more you can get your mind onto living for God’s glory and seeking to serve Him in all areas of life, the easier it will be to view your body as a tool to serve God. Your body isn’t about you. It’s about God.

1 Corinthians 10:31 “So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.”

3. What do I most value in a potential husband? 

The more I began to live for God in my own life, the more I began to value a man who desired the same thing. Instead of placing so much initial focus on “sexual attraction,” I started to look deeper. I started to value things like friendship, his heart for God, what he was passionate about and more. Dav and I’s relationship started out as a total friendship. We weren’t interested in each other in a romantic sense at first. It wasn’t until we developed a deeper understanding of each other through friendship that we began to see qualities that we really admired. It was that admiration for one another that eventually lead to physical attraction. 

The more you can align your heart to the things that God most values, the more you will find yourself attracted to a man that exemplifies those qualities. 

1 Samuel 16:7 “For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

4. Why do I care so much about what other people think?

This is one of the biggest hang-ups when it comes to the issue of height. Deep in your heart, you care about height because you think other people care and value their opinion of you. Why does that matter? Why does it matter so much what other people think about your height or his height? When it comes to outward appearance and physical attraction, it’s going to look a little bit different for every one of us. Don’t allow someone else’s attraction preferences to keep you from getting to know a really godly guy. The more you can free yourself from the petty opinions and preferences of others, the freer you will be. 

5. Will I regret this decision in ten years? 

I am beyond grateful that I didn’t allow the height difference to be a deal-breaker for me. Being married to Dav has been (and continues to be) one of the greatest joys of my life. I LOVE being married to him and could literally care less that he is shorter than me. I love how unique our relationship is. I love how our height difference inspires other couples to do the same. I can’t imagine my life without Dav and it saddens me to think of us not being together because of something as temporal as height. 

Don’t allow the height issue to be the thing that keeps you from ending up with a really godly guy. You don’t want to look back ten years from now with regret because you passed up such a goldy man over such temporal and petty preference. 

Keep your heart in check! 

I encourage you to take this topic to God in prayer. Ask Him to reveal any areas of your heart that are not aligned with His. Ask Him to change your heart to desire a man who has a heart devoted to God. Ask God to give you attraction for the deeper more meaningful aspects of a man. 

FREE Relationships Questionnaire 

To help you think through the issues that truly matter, I’m giving you a FREE questionnaire. This is a list of 136 questions to use in a romantic relationship. This guide will help you to work through and talk through the issues that truly matter. It will help you to get to know the heart of the man and focus on areas that truly matter. 

136 Questions to Ask in a Romantic Relationship

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Sharing Openly About Infertility, Miscarriage, Adoption & Marriage

Zack and Kristen thought their life would be easy after marriage. Little did they know how much their trust in God would be challenged over the next 8+ years.

Their world was rocked by infertility, recurrent miscarriages, grief, and unanswered questions.

There have been many dark moments throughout their journey, but with God’s strength, they have not been overcome by sorrow.

There is hope. There is joy. Even in the midst of trials. 

In this video, they share openly about their journey, struggles, pain, and what they’re praying about for the future. They also answer questions about adoption, fertility treatment, and more.

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How Infertility and Loss Has Strengthened My Faith

“Do you ever feel angry at God?” “Do you wonder why God is allowing these trials to happen in your life?” “Does it feel like God is being unfair to you in some ways?” Over the past few years, I’ve received dozens of questions like these from various people. Most of them come through social media as a result of my public journey through infertility and recurrent miscarriage.

Honestly, I don’t mind these types of questions. They’re raw, honest, and gut-wrenching questions that call for an authentic answer. I’ll be the first to admit that I haven’t walked this journey perfectly. In fact, I remember crying out to God in anger during the dark hours of my most recent miscarriage asking him why?! Why would he allow me to get pregnant, build hope, and imagine the future only to remove that blessing from my life — again.

I’ve had dark moments over this past year where I’ve wrestled with God and wondered if He really cared about my life and losses.

I wondered if He actually took notice of my suffering and had any purpose in it. He felt so far away. So distant. So out of reach. I am no superhero Christian. I am just an average, everyday woman, saved by grace, trying desperately to cling to God’s Word and the truths found within.

Over this past year, I have learned that it’s okay to wrestle in our hearts with God. He is not scared by our questions or surprised by our lack of faith. As Psalm 103:14 reminds us, “For He [God] knows our frame; He is mindful that we are but dust.” He knows that we are mere humans, born into a broken world, small and frail, grasping for hope. And you know what? He is here to meet us exactly where we are.

And that is exactly what He’s done for me this past year.

He has shown Himself to be faithful in my life through my pain, grief, loss, and questions. Rather than falling away from God during this journey of infertility and recurrent loss, God has used His Word to pull me in closer. The Bible has come alive to me this past year and has become my anchor for hope like never before.

I can honestly say that these trials have strengthened my faith more than anything else in my life up to this point. And if you’re wondering how that’s possible, here are 4 specific ways that God has used infertility and loss to just that. If you’re going through a hard time, I pray this will encourage your heart too.

1. God is Near to the Brokenhearted

There are a lot of promises in the Bible, but one that has been very personal to me lately is a little verse that comes Psalm 34:18 which says, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” If there’s anything I’ve longed for in my spiritual life, it’s to be closer to God. And this verse is telling me that God is NEAR to the brokenhearted. That means He is drawing near to His children who are experiencing grief in a special way.

This was a profound realization for me. As I walked through my third miscarriage last year, I didn’t feel God’s nearness at first, but as time went on, I felt a deep sense of comfort and love coming from my Heavenly Father. I cried out to Him in my weakness and sorrow and He comforted me in a special way through His Word during that time. If you’re experiencing sorrow right now, use this as a unique opportunity to draw closer to God. He is near to you, even if you don’t realize it.

2. Trials Have Shown Me My Deep Need for Christ

My default personality is to be extremely independent, type A, and in control. In all honesty, I’d rather be in charge than let somebody else take the reins. When I got married, I thought my life would turn out exactly the way I imagined it. After all, the world told me that if I planned well and worked hard, I’d get what I want…right? Wrong. My recurrent miscarriages and ongoing unexplained infertility has been 100% out of my control. My life has not turned out the way I planned.

As hard as this is to acknowledge out loud, these circumstances have been very good for my heart. They have reminded me that I am not in control. That I do not hold the pen to my life. My plans are not the same as God’s plans. These trials have reminded me that I am not the King of my life, but God is. As a result, they have pushed my closer to Christ and shown me my deep need for Him. My eyes have been opened to just how much I need God’s grace, comfort, and wisdom to embrace His good plan for my life.

3. Miscarriage Has Reminded Me to Live with Eternity in Mind

Prior to my miscarriages, I didn’t think about heaven a whole lot. But after having 3 babies conceived and die in the womb, you bet my thoughts have turned heavenward a lot more. I often wonder if I’ll get to meet my babies in Heaven someday. I sure hope so. I long to see them and to know them. These losses have reminded me that there is more to come after this life. This earthly body isn’t all I’ll know. In fact, the Bible tells us that our real home is in heaven, and this earth is just a place we’re passing through. “But our citizenship is in heaven, and from it we await a Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, who will transform our lowly body to be like his glorious body, by the power that enables him even to subject all things to himself” (Phil. 3:21-21).

God has used my losses to remind me to live with eternity in mind. My time on this earth is so short, and my mission has been given to me by God: Proclaim the gospel and make disciples (Matt. 28). Heaven has become sweeter to me and I look forward to the day when I’ll see my Savior face to face.

4. God is Using My Pain and Loss to Minister to Others

As I’ve shared about my journey openly on social media, I have been amazed to hear from so many women who are going through similar trials. I have met so many incredible Christian women online and have been personally comforted and encouraged by them. In turn, they have also been encouraged by my journey and have grown closer in their walk with God as a result. This is truly humbling and amazing. The fact that God would allow my story to bring hope to others in their suffering is a privilege and honor and I give Him all the glory for that.

2 Cor. 1:3-4 reminds us that our suffering is not in vain, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”

God has opened my eyes to see that my trials aren’t just about me, but about God using them as an opportunity for me to minister to others who are going through similar things.

As hard as these trials have been, I wouldn’t change God’s story for my life.

These past 8 years have been hard, but they have also been some of the most deeply rewarding and spiritually fruitful years of my entire life. And for that reason alone, I wouldn’t change them. I don’t know what the future holds, but I know — beyond a shadow of a doubt — that whatever comes my way, God will work all things together for my good as He promises in Romans 8:28.

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