When Singleness and Christmastime Don’t Seem to Mingle

When Singleness and Christmastime Don’t Seem to Mingle

Tis the season to be jolly, right? But how does that work when all I want for Christmas is you, baby? Christmastime is supposed to be a time of wonder, excitement, love, and joy — but sometimes this holiday season can feel at odds with the season of singleness. I remember this all too well.

Although I’m married now, I was unmarried for 24 years and I can clearly remember being single and hearing those sappy, romantic Christmas songs play on the radio. A twinge of loneliness and desire would fill my heart. As hard as it was for me at times, I wouldn’t stay in that place of sadness for too long. I would remind myself that Christmastime is far more than love songs, romantic sleigh rides, and candlelit dinners.

Christmas is a season for all people in every season and stage of life.

It’s for children, teenagers, single people, married people, middle-aged people, and the elderly. It’s a season of wonder and joy, but not because of romance…but because the Savior of the world came down to this earth out of love for each one of us. Christmastime is a celebration of the greatest kind of love that ever existed.

As hard as Christmastime might feel for you right now, I want to encourage you to stay hopeful this year. Not hopeful because you’re going to land a boyfriend…but hopeful because the Savior of the world sees you and knows you. He loves you and wants to have a soul-satisfying relationship with you. He can be trusted with your love life (Prov. 3:5-6). He can be trusted to write the perfect story for your life.

As you surrender your desires to Him, know that He’s got them safely in His hands.

As you strive to trust God with your love story, there’s something else you can do too. Christmas doesn’t have to be as bad and as hard as you think. However, don’t make it harder on yourself that you have to. I was chatting with a single friend recently and she shared with me some helpful things she’s implemented into her life during Christmastime to help keep her focus in the right place. Here are some of the things she mentioned.

Things to Consider Avoiding:

1. The Hallmark Channel

Sappy, cheesy love stories may seem cute and innocent, but these type of movies can often fuel your unmet desire for romance. If you find yourself struggling with contentment, don’t be afraid to simply turn off the channel and watch something else instead.

2. Romantic Christmas Songs

Listening to romantic love songs might not be the most helpful for your heart this Christmas season. If you find these songs tugging at your heart, don’t listen to them. Change the station to something else. It’s that simple! 

3. Daydreaming About the Future

Be intentional to guard your thoughts from wandering off into a make-believe winter wonderland where prince charming is waiting for you. When you find your mind drifting to unhelpful places, pray and ask God to redirect your thoughts the here-and-now. Thank Him for something special about this season of life.  

Great Things to Pursue:

1. Listen to Christ-Centered Christmas Music

There’s an endless array of non-romantic Christmas music to choose from! Have fun with it.  Create some playlists that are filled with fun and Christ-centered Christmas songs. This will help you keep your heart focused on the right things.

2. Watch Fun, Non-Romantic Christmas Movies

Christmas movies are always a fun thing during the month of December. However, be selective about what you watch. Rather than binging on the Hallmark channel, watch some fun non-romantic movies (i.e. Polar Express, The Nativity, Arthur Christmas, The Star, etc).

3. Host a Girl’s Christmas Night

Rather than sitting around wishing you had a boyfriend, get proactive! It’s still not too late to host a fun girl’s night. Keep it simple. Invite some friends over for some hot chocolate and cookies. Do a craft or play a game. 

4. Focus on Blessing Others

The best way to have a fabulous Christmas season this year is to focus your attention on blessing others. If you’re busy loving on other people, you won’t have as much time to focus on yourself. Watch our recent VLOG for 5 great ideas on how to bless someone this month.

Singleness and Christmastime are both seasons that can truly mesh quite nicely.

Don’t fall prey to self-pity and discontentment this year. Instead, get proactive about making this Christmas the most wonderful time of the year! When you’re feeling down, remind yourself that God is good and completely in control. When you’re feeling hopeless, remind yourself that the Savior of the world loves you and came to this earth for you. When you’re feeling anxious, remind yourself that God has a good plan for your life and can be trusted. With the right heart focus this year, you can have an amazing Christmas season. 

If you’re single, I’d love to hear from you below!

  • What other ideas (whether things to avoid or things to pursue) would you add to my list?

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5 Ways to Make Christmas Day Awesome

It’s so easy for Christmas Eve & Christmas Day to become all about me, me, me.

My hopes. My dreams. My traditions. My expectations. My preferences. My holiday. My family. My friends.

On and on the list goes.

Instead of allowing the selfishness and grinch like attitude to steal the day, let’s focus on reflecting Christ in our actions this Christmas day.

Here are 5 ways to make your Christmas day awesome: 

#1: Choose Gratitude
#2: Bless and Serve Others
#3: Choose to be Flexible
#4: Love your Siblings
#5: Be a generous giver

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10 “Relationship Goals” Every Couple Should Have

When “Relationship Goals” first became a thing I thought it was pretty cute.

There are images of couples doing really cute, funny things together with the caption “relationship goals.” They are quite popular with everyone it seems. From pictures of couples kissing and holding each other, doing cute poses, to being super awkward and funny together.

While the idea is cute and the sentiment is sweet, it’s not what we as godly young girls should be looking to for our advice on how real relationships look.

I said that I thought it was cute at first, but my mindset quickly changed.

First of all, the pictures and ideas that the “relationship goals” try to portray are fake. They make you feel bad. If you are not a super cute, super relatable, modern, couple, then you should not exist in the relationship world. Basically, that is the mindset behind the relationship goals agenda. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want a fake relationship with love and affection only based on trying to look good and fitting in.

I realized that real, lasting, meaningful, relationships are not based on how cute or adorable you look in your Facebook pictures.

It’s more than trying to be the picture-perfect couple.

Real relationships start and end with putting the other person first. 

Romance is not hugging and kissing and being affectionate with someone who says they love you. Romance (the way God designed it to be) is being in love with someone who loves you as much as Jesus does and is willing to put you first by loving you through the good and the bad.

In light of all of this, I’ve written up 10 Real Relationship Goals that should inspire you to look for reality in your relationship. And don’t worry if you’re not the perfect godly couple either. God does not put unrealistic expectations on us and neither should we put unrealistic expectations on our relationships or ourselves.

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #1: 

Reading and Praying Together—Every godly couple who are seeking to pursue a relationship together the way God intended should be continually encouraging one another in the Word and in Prayer. Pushing each other closer to the Lord is the most selfless thing you could do for each other. It’s saying “Not only do I care about your spiritual walk with the Lord, but I love you enough to know that in order to love you better I need to seek the Lord and I will let you take time away to seek Him as well.”

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #2: 

Loving But Not Needing Each Other—It’s good to be in love with someone as long as you are not needing them to fulfill needs that only God should be fulfilling in your life. For instance, if you enter into a relationship thinking that it will fix all of your problems, (loneliness, depression, emptiness, worry, lack of security, etc.) then you will be depending on them to be a certain way, do certain things and be there for you 24/7. Maybe you think that won’t happen or that you will never feel that way, but I guarantee you that it will if you are not secure in Christ.

You have heard the term “needy” and maybe you’ve determined to never be that way. But there will be areas where you expect to find true happiness in your relationship only to find out that that person is not perfect (no matter how much you love them) and you will see that ONLY God can truly fill ALL of your needs. Don’t become needy. Continue to look to Christ for your needs and happiness even AFTER you’ve entered a relationship.

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #3:

Get Married—Whoa, I bet you weren’t expecting that one! I don’t encourage relationships that are “just for fun.” People who date just because they like each other are just fooling themselves. You can’t say, “Oh we are pretty good friends so we decided to date.” In a relationship, you are giving away your heart, maybe not a whole lot at first but you are caring about someone and feeling love and affection for them. That means you are contributing to the relationship. To me, if you are not committing a future to the person you are dating, then you shouldn’t even bother dating just for the sake of having fun.

A real man and a real woman will stay away from having relationships with people they do not foresee having a marriage with. They save their hearts, minds, and bodies for the one special person who God will reveal to them at the right time for the right reason.

If you think you know that person is the one, then work towards marriage, don’t play games and mess around. God loves it when marriage is more important than looking good or having fun.

Get married, raise a family, and grow old together…Now that’s a relationship goal!

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #4: 

Write Each Other Love Letters—Not only is this sweet and endearing, it really forces you to think about things to say to your love. It forces you to really search your heart to think deeply about this other person and what they really mean to you. You aren’t in direct conversation with them so you can’t joke around and you aren’t texting. So it really helps you filter through what you get to say to the person you love. It will bring you so much closer!

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #5: 

Sacrifice Your Time Alone Together To Spend Time With Each Other’s Families—When you’re in a serious relationship all you want to do is be alone with that person. But it’s not good to always be alone since it makes you think you can do certain things that couples usually do when they’re alone (i.e.make out ect.

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #6:

Strong Communication Skills—So, this one is tricky. You can take this point 2 ways: the good way or the immature way. Immature people will think, “Oh, he/she and I have great communication skills, we are so much alike!”. Wrong. Married people can confirm what I am about to say.

No matter how close you are, you both will always be needing to work on communication. This goes along with being yourself. Tell them exactly what’s on your mind. Don’t be afraid to voice your opinion. If one of you prefers to stay home instead of going on a date, tell them. If he/she is doing something that makes you feel uncomfortable or upset in any way, don’t just stuff it down, tell them. If you aren’t getting enough time to be alone or in the Word, tell him/her.

Communicate.

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #7:

Being Comfortable With Each Other—When you are in love it’s important to know in your heart that you can be completely and unashamedly comfortable around that person. You should be able to be yourself, laugh, talk, love each other through awkward times, fun times, sad times, and difficult times. If the other person makes you feel comfortable enough to be yourself with them all the time then you’ve found a winner!

It’s an incredible gift if you are in a situation that makes you feel uneasy and that other person eases your mind and reminds you of who you really are. Strive to encourage, help and support each other, this helps you acquire trust and establishes a beautiful friendship built to last.

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #8:

Loving Unconditionally—Loving someone without conditions before you’re married can be tricky. Are we supposed to love without anything in return, give without receiving, and bless even if we aren’t being blessed in return? Yes and no. If the person you are dating is only loving you on conditions that they come up with then you probably don’t want to marry into that but if you are both loving each other with a holy love as Christ loves then I would encourage you to be selfless in your relationship.

Count each other’s dreams and desires as equally important as yours. If either of you is having a stressful day don’t be upset if they aren’t as lovey-dovey as they normally are, let them rest. Trust is a huge part of loving someone unconditionally if you are in a serious relationship it’s going to be hard to trust that other person with your heart. It will be hard to trust the guy to lead you because it’s scary. But if we love Christ in him then God will give us the courage to trust the man who He has chosen for you. Pray about how you can love unconditionally, don’t be selfish in your relationships, have the mind of Christ for one another. Ask God to teach you how to love each other. He is the best teacher.

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #9:

You Respect One Another’s Boundaries—Everyone has boundaries before they’re married. Whether they are physical boundaries, emotional or spiritual. And if you don’t have any of these boundaries then you should really pray about whether or not God wants you to establish them ( I can assure you He will).

Physical boundaries are crucial to any pre-marital relationship but each couple has different convictions. Really seek the Lord on this. Search His word for answers and talk to your parents and spiritual leaders about how to establish these boundaries and how to keep them.

Emotional boundaries are when you know that if the other person gets too close to your heart you will start looking to them to fulfill all of your emotional needs instead of God. Don’t let that happen. Communicate to your sweetheart that you have that boundary and ask them to help you protect and respect it.

Spiritual boundaries are where you know your need for God aside from just going to church. You know that you need alone time with Him and a bigger dedication to your relationship with Him than with anyone else. If the other person is dominating your mind and heart your relationship with God will be quenched. Continue to let Jesus be your true love. Tell this to your boyfriend/girlfriend. Make sure they understand how much you need the Lord and hopefully you both will help each other pursue Christ above one another.

By respecting these boundaries you are putting each other first above yourself and learning to love like Christ!

REAL RELATIONSHIP GOALS #10:

You Are the Best of Friends—Being best friends with your boyfriend/girlfriend is so misunderstood today. Having a best friend is the greatest feeling ever. To know and be known so well and intimately by someone is one of God’s rarest and best gifts to us. It’s a small glimpse of how the Lord really feels about us. But it’s so amazing when you know someone to their very heart and to know that they feel the same about you. Find someone who isn’t fake with you, who loves every part of you, your goofiness, your good, and bad side and still loves you.

Be BEST friends. Find that someone who would choose your company over anyone else’s because you really are the best friend they could ever ask for. It isn’t just a dream that you can find this. It’s a reality. It is possible. God makes all things possible if we wait and trust in Him!

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I hope these relationship goals find meaning and value with you. Let me know which #RealRealtionshipGoals stood out to you the most! I would love to hear from you. God bless!

Blog Post Written by Lisa Zech of A Lovely Calling.

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12 Unusual Christmas Wishes for Every Christian Girl

I don’t know about you, but the Christmas season has a way of bringing out my best and worst. In the midst of a joyous party with family, I find myself consumed with self-centered thoughts. Rather than focusing on the true Reason for the season, I subtly begin to view myself as the reason for the season. Everything is about my happiness and joy. Can you relate?

While wish lists, Christmas parties, and traditions are all fine and fun, I am realizing this year (more than ever before) that my heart needs a focus shift.

My “wish list” needs a makeover.

Instead of focusing on my desires and my wishes and my traditions this season, I am striving to focus on a new wish list. On a wish list that isn’t interesting in getting, but giving.

This unusual wish list is actually more of a “prayer list” and I am so excited to share it with you! If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably failed a time or two at keeping your focus on Christ this season. If so, this unusual wish list is the perfect way to refocus your heart and mind.

Set your previous wish list aside, and let’s explore 12 unusual Christmas wishes for every Christian girl:

Wish #1: Have a Genuinely Happy Attitude

It’s so easy to get bent out of shape about silly things during Christmas time. Instead of allowing those disappointments to dictate your actions and attitudes, choose to have a joyful attitude. Choose to be grateful instead of upset, and joy will be a natural overflow.

Wish #2: Focus on Others

My party, my gifts, my friends, my traditions, my night out, my plans, my, my, my. It’s so easy to get bogged down with self-centered thoughts during the Christmas season. We all know that there is no true joy in living to please ourselves. Instead of focusing on your desires this month, look for ways to bless, serve, and give to others.

Wish #3: Have a Giving Heart

Giving gifts isn’t the only type of giving we should be doing this Christmas season. The true and genuine heart of a giver will be revealed by the way they give their time, energy, attention, interest, and service. Choose to be a generous giver.

Wish #4: Smile a Lot 

Nothing brightens a stranger’s day faster than a joy-filled, big, happy smile. Gift the gift of smiling this Christmas season. Say hello to people. Ask questions. Smile when you talk. Smile when you greet someone. Smile to the mailman and grocery clerk. Allow the love of Christ to be seen through your smile.

Wish #5: Intentionally Love My Siblings 

If God has you in a family with siblings, one of the best gifts you can give them this year is the gift of love. As simple as this sounds, our family members are often the people we neglect the most. Take time to invest in your siblings. Play a game with them. Talk to them. Build traditions with them. Love your siblings well.

Wish #6: Serve My Parents

God has placed you in your family for a reason. Parents are usually very busy during the Christmas season and could really use your support and help. Give them the gift of serving them without being asked. Do the dishes on your own. Offer to cook dinner on a busy night. Run errands for them (if you can drive).

Wish #7: Choose to be Easy-Going

Flexibility is usually my downfall during the Christmas season! My prayer this year is that I would be flexible and easy-going when it comes to plans. When things don’t go your way, or the plans are suddenly changed to a less desirable option, choose to be flexible.

Wish #8: Give Secret Gifts 

One of my favorite Christmas traditions in my family is to give little secret gifts to people throughout the month of December. You buy something small (e.g. nail polish, a cookie, a candle, etc), then you wrap it in a brown paper bag, write their name on the front, and leave somewhere secret where they’ll stumble across it later in the day. It always brings so much excitement and joy to everyone who gets a secret gift. It also helps to keep my heart and actions focused on loving others.

Wish #9: Value People More Than Traditions

Traditions are fun, but they’re not nearly as important as the relationships. Strive to make your family feel more important to you than your Christmas traditions. Make fun memories while loving them. Show them that you value and care for them more than any tradition.

Wits #1o: Bless My Neighbors

I decided to make all of my neighbors some caramel and chocolate-covered apples this year. I packaged them up and will write a sweet card to go with it. God has placed you where you are for a reason. Show the love of Christ to your neighbors this Christmas.

Wish #11: Pray for My [Future] Husband

I know this seems like a totally random thing to mention, but it’s really not. I’ve talked to many single girls who say they feel extra lonely at Christmas time because they’re not married or in a relationship. The love songs and romance of the season tempts them to be discontent. Instead of becoming sad or discontent, pray for your future husband! If God has a man out there for you, He is alive this Christmas season and might be feeling “alone” too. Give him the gift of prayer. And if you’re already married, pour your heart out in prayer for your husband.

Wish #12: Celebrate Jesus!

While this should go without saying, it still needs to be said. Celebrate Jesus this month! Take time to read and ponder the Christmas story (Luke is a great book). Listen to amazing podcasts about the Christmas story, like this one. Learn about Jesus and celebrate Him! He is the reason we have hope on this earth.

This wish list isn’t your ordinary wish list.

This list is designed to get your focus off yourself and onto others. It’s a list to help you remember what Christmas is all about  Jesus. This list of prayers is for my heart this Christmas season and I pray it will be for yours too.

Let’s chat about it now.

  • In what ways have you been tempted to be self-focused this Christmas season?
  • Out of the 12 wishes, which one can you put into practice today?

If you’ve been blessed and encouraged by Kristen and Bethany at Girl Defined Ministries, would you consider giving a year-end donation? Our year-end ministry need is $30,000. To contribute, please click here.

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An Important Message to the Sisterhood

She was depressed, alone, and couldn’t get out of bed.

That’s when she came across one of our videos on YouTube. She began binge-watching Girl Defined videos from her bed.

For the first time in weeks, she smiled.

She realized she wasn’t alone. Her life wasn’t a waste. There was hope for someone bed-ridden like herself.

Watch the rest of the video to find out what happened to this sweet girl from the Girl Defined Sisterhood…

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5 Simple Goals for Christmas Day

Goal #1: Have a Joyful Attitude

It’s so easy to get bent out of shape about silly things on Christmas Day. Instead of allowing those disappointments to dictate your actions and attitudes, choose to have a joyful attitude. Choose to be grateful instead of upset, and joy will be a natural overflow.

Goal #2: Focus on Others 

My day, my gifts, my traditions, my plans — my, my, my! It’s so easy to get bogged down with self-centered thoughts on Christmas Day. We all know that there is no true joy in living to please ourselves. Instead of focusing on your desires on Christmas day, look for ways to bless, serve, and give to others.

Goal #3: Be Flexible

Flexibility can be hard for many of us on Christmas day. Our prayer for each one of us this year is that we would be flexible and easy going when it comes to Christmas day. When things don’t go your way, or the plans are suddenly changed to a less desirable option, choose to be flexible.

Goal #4: Love Your Siblings

If God has you in a family with siblings, one of the best gifts you can give them this Christmas is the gift of love. As simple as this sounds, our family members are often the people we neglect the most. Put your phone down, turn your social media off, and take time to invest in your siblings. Talk to them. Play a game with them. Build traditions with them. Love your siblings well on Christmas day.

Goal #5: Give More than Just Gifts 

Giving gifts isn’t the only type of giving we should be doing on Christmas day. The true and genuine heart of a giver will be revealed by the way we give our time, energy, attention, interest, and service. Choose to be a generous giver this year. Go out of your way to ask other people questions, serve in the kitchen, clean up the messes, and simply jump in wherever help is needed.

We pray you’ll apply these 5 simple goals to your Christmas day this year.

Let’s be intentional to get the focus off ourselves and onto others. These goals will help to remind each one of us of what Christmas is really all about — Jesus.

If you’ve been blessed and encouraged by Kristen and Bethany at Girl Defined Ministries, would you consider giving a year-end donation? Our year-end ministry need is $30,000. To contribute, please click here.

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