Bethany’s Journey of Singleness – Part 1

It’s always interesting for me to reflect back on my earliest years of being single.

The memories of finishing my teen years and entering my early twenties are pretty good ones. Even though I had already experienced serious heartbreak at that point (I went through a difficult breakup at 19), my future still seemed bright and hopeful.

I was young, I was excited, and I was ready to explore what God might have for me as a single woman.

Life seemed to be serving me what I wanted at this point in time (or at least what I thought I wanted) and I was happy.

It wasn’t long after this time period that a dashing young man came onto the scene.

Everything seemed to be working out better than I’d hoped.

During my new relationship, the worries and woes of my previous breakup faded into the background. My past heartache no longer mattered to me. I had a new guy and he seemed like a promising potential option. Thoughts of being single long-term were not even a flicker in my brain.

Little did I know that this new relationship was destined for heartbreak as well.

There I was. Now a twenty-four-year-old single woman without an option in sight.

Singleness seemed a lot less glamorous at this point in life. I was now facing my mid-twenties and I was single. Single as a pringle. Totally alone! You know the feeling and it’s not a fun one.

My “plans” were no longer working out the way I had hoped.

It wasn’t so much that I hated being single, I just didn’t like the idea of being single for too too long. I wanted to get married before I hit my late twenties. I did not like the idea of being “old and crusty” as I would say.

Despite the fact that I was so single and so ready to mingle, God had seriously different plans.

Over the next few years, God began to expose some of the biggest lies I’d been believing about my singleness. Lies that were keeping me from truly living and truly thriving during this season of my life (we will talk more about thriving as a single in part 2 of this series).

If you’re in a season of singleness yourself, you probably have your own set of lies you’ve believed about being single. Lies about your worth, your value, your purpose, your future, and so much more. Lies that keep you crippled, instead of thriving.

I want to share a few of the lies I believed during my mid-twenties.

These lies and truths come from straight from my book, Love Defined. In the book, I share more lies along with more in-depth truths to help you dig deeper.

Here are a few lies and truths most singles can relate to.

Lie: I would be more valuable if I had a boyfriend/husband.

Truth: Nothing can add to my value. I am fully loved and valued as a child of God. “See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God” (1 John 3:1).

Lie: I must have a boyfriend/husband to be happy.

Truth: True joy can only be found in the Lord. “‘The Lord is my portion,’ says my soul, ‘therefore I will hope in him’” (Lam. 3:24).

Lie: My life doesn’t really begin until I get married.

Truth: My life has already begun. I need to make the most of the time God chooses to give me whether I’m single or married. “Yet you do not know what tomorrow will bring. What is your

Grab a copy of Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships to learn more about exposing lies and living in true freedom as a single.

When I began to expose some of the lies that were keeping me discontent as a single, everything changed!

My season of singleness transformed from being “something to endure” to “something exciting and purposeful!” I began to realize that God had given me purpose for this season of my life. I began to see how joyful and exciting this season actually was.

If you’re in an unwelcomed season of singleness, I want you to take a minute to come up with your own list of lies and truths.

Take a minute to expose any lies that you’ve believed directly relating to your season of singleness.

Now, grab your Bible and begin searching for truths to combat those lies.

Once you’ve exposed the lies and have unpacked some truths, you’ll begin to see that God actually has a purpose for you in this season!

I would encourage you to grab a copy of Love Defined and dig into the two chapters I wrote specifically for single gals. Chapter 8: When Your Heart’s Desire Is Unfulfilled Chapter 9: Five Strategies for Thriving as a Single Girl

Let’s talk about it.

What areas of being single are you struggling with?

What lies have you believed and what truths do you have to combat the lies?

January 6, 2020 by Bethany Beal

Don’t Get Trapped in the Comparison Game

I accidentally went to the gym at the same time as my friend yesterday (I’ll call her Samantha). I didn’t mean to be in there while Samantha was there, but she unexpectedly came by while I was still working out. Immediately, I began to play the comparison game in my mind.

Wow, that fitted top looks so good on her. I definitely couldn’t pull that off. And she looks so pretty, even in her workout clothes. I know I don’t look that pretty!

I love Samantha, but sometimes it’s hard for me to be friends with her because she’s practically perfect in every way. I can’t compete with her thinness, gorgeous hair, and amazingly clear face. How can I measure up to her?

Have you ever felt that way about a friend?

Comparison. It’s a trap that gets me all to often.

I bet you play the comparison game a lot, just like I do. Have you ever been trapped in it? It’s so easy for us to get trapped in comparing ourselves to others. But what if, instead of just giving up and giving into the comparison game, we remembered a few important things? This is for my heart own.

1. Your opinion of yourself and your friends is subjective, not objective.

Your views are based on your opinions, which means they are subjective. On the other hand, objectivity is based on an outside view and perception. How do you know your friend is prettier than you are? Why do you get to decide who is the prettiest? What if your friend thinks you’re prettier than her and just hasn’t told you because she’s insecure? Why do we rely on—and act on—our own perceptions? Individuals can’t decide who is considered “beautiful” and who isn’t because we’re each subjective and because the definition of beauty is always changing.

God is the creator of beauty, therefore He is the only true judge. And thankfully, He says, “For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well” (Psalm 139:13-14). Rather than judging other girls based on your personal views, choose to believe what God says about you and them.

2. The great deceiver (Satan) wants you to be stuck here.

If you start comparing yourself to your friend (or anyone else), it’s so easy to ruminate. Once you start ruminating, it’s almost impossible to stop. The comparison game is a comparison trap, and that’s the trap Satan wants you in. He wants you to focus on your friend’s looks (or personality, character, etc.) and your lack of looks (or personality, character, etc.) instead of trying to build each other up. He wants us to live trapped in lies.

But instead of ruminating on who’s prettier, what if we rejected those internal lies and instead thanked God for creating each person difference and unique? What if we focused our energy on expressing gratitude to God for creating us to be “fearfully and wonderfully make” for His glory?

3. We must remember that jealousy and envy are sins.

Comparison is part of our old selves—not our new selves (Eph. 4). Thanks be to Christ, we don’t have to live in bondage to our old self anymore. When I compare myself to others, I’m choosing to be jealous and envious. The focus of jealousy and envy is self-centered —how we look, how we don’t look, how we aren’t enough, etc. This isn’t how God wants His daughters to live.

“If we live by the Spirit, let us also keep in step with the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.” (Galatians 5:25-26)

There’s always going to be someone who’s prettier, smarter, skinnier, more talented, or more spiritual.

That’s why the comparison game is a trap—because you’re gaze will always get stuck on yourself rather than on your Creator. You will get stuck in the endless cycle of self-pity and ingratitude. Yes, we may always struggle with comparison because of our sin nature, but we don’t have to stay stuck there. With Christ’s help, we can fight the lies and choose to believe what is true.

I’d love to hear from you below.

Is jealousy or envy a sin you struggle to overcome? What makes it difficult to overcome?
How can you use the three truths above to combat the temptation to compare yourself to others?

This post was written by Grace M. She is a college student, a blogger, and a writer. She enjoys spending time with her family, chatting with friends, and eating cookie dough. She writes about the Christian life at Tizzie’s Tidbits of Truth.

Photo credit

January 3, 2020 by Guest Blogger

6 Books We’re Reading in 2020

Books continue to play a huge role in each of our lives. The two of us would not be the women we are today without the wisdom, guidance, and encouragement from different authors.

That is why we are so passionate about reading and challenging others to read as well.

Here are 6 books that the two of us are planning to read in 2020 and encourage you to read too.

1. Choosing Forgiveness

2. Holding on to Hope

3. Control Girl

4. When People are Big And God Is Small

5. Risen Motherhood

6. The Good Portion

These are just a few of the many that we hope and plan to read.

January 1, 2020 by Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal

God is working mightily amongst the Girl Defined Sisterhood.

This past year we launched our brand new book, Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart.

We also published 104 new blog posts and over 60+ new video posts.

That’s a lot of content…and we’re guessing you probably didn’t catch every single one. Since you probably don’t have time to “catch up” on the archives (although that’s not a bad idea), We thought we’d ring in the New Year by bringing you the very BEST posts from 2019.

You can also catch some of our popular YouTube videos here.

These are the top 5 most popular blog posts of 2019.

If you haven’t read them, we HIGHLY recommend it. There’s no better way to start your year off right than filling your mind with truth.

Drumroll, please……

5. Purity is so Much More than a List of Rules

I was that girl. The girl who grew up in church saved sex for marriage, wrote letters to her future husband, and tried to do all of the “right” things a good church girl should do.

In fact, I even saved my first kiss for marriage.

Check. Check. Check. I was marking off the boxes that a pure girl should check off. I was following the rules and being “pure.”

Looking back on my 30 years of life, I see a stark contrast in the way that I used to view the concept of purity to the way that I view it right now. READ MORE

4. What Every Married Woman Needs to Know About Sex

When it comes to addressing the topic of sexual intimacy and sexual desire, most of the posts we write on this blog are geared toward single women. This is because the central focus of our blog is to equip single women to gain a biblical understanding in all areas of life.

However, we also get a lot of emails from married women who follow Girl Defined, so we thought a post written directly to our married sisters would be helpful too.

I (Kristen) have been married for almost 8 years now to my husband, Zack.

One of the areas of sweet blessing and sanctification that we have both experienced within marriage is in the area of sexual intimacy. Prior to marriage, sex was something I waited for and anticipated with every fiber of my being.

And it was worth the waiting too! READ POST

3. Lessons I Learned From My First Year of Marriage

The day went by in a blur. I tried my absolute best to enjoy every moment and soak up the day, but it went by so fast. Everything started and ended in what felt like such a short amount of time (thankfully the wedding was live-streamed so that I can go back and relive the ceremony anytime I want).

WATCH LIVE STREAM

Looking back at photos from October 14, 2018, I so wish I could go back in time and relive each one of the moments.

I loved my wedding day. I loved getting married to David Beal. I loved our ceremony.

READ POST

2. Modesty Hacks and Fashion Tips with Hello Modesty

Big tears streamed down my face. I just knew I was destined to a life of drabby, old-fashioned clothing. I was sixteen, and my parents and I were having another modesty conversation.

I wanted to be fashionable, but I felt like my parents were dooming me to a life of turtlenecks and bonnets.

They did their best to explain that modesty didn’t have to look old-fashioned.

They encouraged me to have fun and explore styles but not to compromise on my modesty standards.

READ POST

1. Was Being a Virgin on my Wedding Night Awkward?

I was a thirty-year-old virgin on my wedding night.

That isn’t a shock to any of you who’ve followed my story. In fact, many of you sent me emails and DM’s before I got married asking me if I was nervous about the wedding night. I responded to your questions through a blog post titled: Am I Nervous About the Wedding Night?

Today I want to answer the dozens of e-mails and DM’s I’ve received since getting married. It seems like most of you want to know if being a virgin on my wedding night was awkward.

Was I excited or terrified about the wedding night??

Here goes. READ POST

And there you have it!

Those are the top 5 most popular posts from 2019. The two of us highly recommend taking the time to read each one as you launch into the new year. God is SO good and we can’t wait to see what He is going to do in YOUR life this coming year!

If you’re looking for additional ways to be challenged as a Christian girl this year, I encourage you to read our books:

Girl Defined: God’s Radical Design for Beauty, Femininity, and Identity

Love Defined: Embracing God’s Vision for Lasting Love and Satisfying Relationships

Sex, Purity, and the Longings of a Girl’s Heart: Discovering the Beauty and Freedom of God Defined Sexuality

December 30, 2019 by Kristen Clark and Bethany Beal

3 Ways to Be an Intentional Woman of God this New Year

There I was again, bawling my eyes out — stressed, discouraged, and depressed over my school semester, waiting for it all to end. This year, specifically, I felt trapped in an endless abyss of homework, personal problems, and no time for God. 2019 was the year I was asking myself, why?

Why was I struggling with so much discontentment this year? Why was I going through challenging seasons that were excruciatingly uncomfortable this year? Why was I putting my time with the Lord on the back burner because I felt too exhausted and too busy at times to even pick up my Bible this year?

Friend, I think it’s safe to assume that we’ve all been there, asking the why’s. Maybe at different stages in life and through various circumstances, but we’ve all wrestled with something challenging. Maybe this year for you, it was filled with a hard season that you did not expect…nor want.

As this year comes to a close, my prayer is that this New Year brings a change.

Maybe not in our circumstances, but in our hearts and our perspectives.

I want to share three Biblical truths that I have learned this past year, and what I hope to apply to my Christian walk this New Year. This is intended to be more than just a “New Year’s resolution” that we will all break after two weeks. Let’s be real sister — we fail to follow through with them. I know I do. But these 3 Biblical truths are much deeper than the shallow “I want to be a better person” goals. These words should be a covenant made to Jesus, that even though you may be busy or facing new challenges in the New Year, you will intentionally resolve to prioritize your time with Him.

More than a resolution: 3 Ways to Be an Intentional Woman of God this Year

1. Combat

The enemy is always lurking around, enticing us to follow a sin-filled life. The life of ungodliness, discontentment, and fear. I fell into that trap one too many times this year, and I am getting tired of it! I want to intentionally start combating satan’s lies with the truth from God’s word.

Psalm 119:29 beautifully states, “Put false ways far away from me and graciously teach me Your law!” The only way to break free from the chains that may be holding you down is to purposefully fight against them with the Sword of the Spirit. This New Year, let’s purposefully live out His Word and fight against the sin, lies, and fears that have no hold over us!

2. Commitment

So we start off the New Year, making it a priority to combat the enemy’s lies. What happens when the days get busier and or a trial gets more burdensome? Like those famous New Year’s resolutions where we say we will hit the gym every day, yet we lose our commitment to it after a month (more like a week for me). What should we do when we feel weary?

“And let us not grow weary in doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart” (Gal. 6:9). Keep fighting and don’t give up! Be intentionally committed to Christ and His Word, knowing that He is the most important person whom you could ever lavish your time and attention on. Don’t be swept away with the negative circumstances or the busy seasons. Commit to God and rest in His promises.

3. Contentment

Discontentment. This is the one that got me this year. This year taught me that when I was discontent, feeding into my own self-pity never helped and never will. When you start comparing your life to others and feeling like there is nothing to be joyful about, praise the Lord! Being content is a choice, and a great way to begin is to turn away from all distractions (yes, Instagram, I’m looking at you) and just praise and thank God for His goodness. You will find you have a lot of things to be content about when you do.

1 Timothy 6:6 says, “But godliness with contentment is great gain.” How lovely is that?! Be an intentional woman who values contentment and walks in godliness, for the Lord is right by your side through it all.

God will sufficiently fulfill us this New Year with His grace, mercy, and truth.

May we open our hearts wide to accept it. I hope you will take these 3 truths to heart, and begin to live an intentional life for the Lord this New Year. Let me know what truth you struggled with this year and what you hope to intentionally change in this upcoming one. Comment below!

Lastly, whatever 2020 may bring, know that our Lord and Savior is sovereign. He designed each and every one of us for a special plan and purpose, and may our responses be of obedience to His will.

Guest post written by: Anna Tijerino

Photo Credit

December 27, 2019 by Guest Blogger

Our Favorite “Christmas Angel” Family Tradition

My family adores Christmas traditions; we look forward to them every year.

Christmas breakfast always looks the same. Christmas dinner always looks the same. The stockings hanging on the fireplace always look the same.

We love doing the same things year after year after year!

One of my family’s most special Christmas traditions started when I was little. My parents called this tradition “The Christmas Angel,” and it begins on December first and lasts until Christmas day.

The goal of this tradition is to secretly leave a little “Christmas Angel” gift for someone in a place where they’ll simply stumble across it. These gifts can be anything—they don’t have to cost money!

This tradition is all about making someone else feel loved and special. It’s truly a joy to focus on others and bring a smile to someone else’s face during the Christmas season!

Here’s How It Works:

You buy or make a little gift for a family member or friend.
You wrap the gift and draw an angel (with a marker) on the outside, adding the recipient’s name.
But don’t add your name! The gift is anonymous—and that’s part of the fun!
When the recipient isn’t around or looking, you leave your Christmas Angel somewhere where they’ll find it—in their car, on their dresser, taped to their bathroom mirror, on their Bible, etc.
The person discovers the Christmas Angel!
You can repeat these steps over and over again for all of your friends and family throughout the month of December (stretch it out and make it last through New Years!).

The Christmas Angel gifts don’t have to be big or costly. They can be simple, inexpensive, or even free. The goal isn’t to spend money; the goal is to be thoughtful and secretly let someone know that they are loved and cared for.

Christmas Angel Gift Ideas:

An encouraging letter
A hand-lettered quote
$5 gift cards
Handmade Christmas ornaments
A coffee mug
A small candle
A journal
A small poinsettia
Cookies
A tube of lipstick
A card game
Candy
Packs of gum and mints
Pens and notecards

If you came over to my house, my parents’ house, or any of my siblings’ houses during December, you would be sure to stumble across these secret little gifts. Our family is big on The Christmas Angel gifts, and we do them every year without fail!

The Christmas Angel is a tradition that I’m bringing into my new family. I love the idea of intentionally thinking of others and doing something to make someone I love smile.

Give The Christmas Angel tradition a try.

Start leaving little gifts with angels drawn on them around your house. Maybe your family and friends will catch the fun festive spirit and want to join in on the fun!

Does your family do anything unique this time of year?
What is your all-time favorite Christmas tradition?

PHOTO CREDIT

December 23, 2019 by Bethany Beal

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